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(This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)

Chapter One

I sipped my coffee, allowing the rich taste and aroma to fill my senses. Alone in my thoughts as I am most times…people…things…had certainly changed. A part of me missed the day to day interaction, but it really wasn’t that. It’s how so quickly I mastered a cheap Vegas trick…now you see me, now—you don’t.

I remembered the sounds of bustling traffic. The lines for a table at a restaurant. The people that called my name, whose faces I remembered if not their names. My life had been so busy, so incredibly busy. I had been the glue that held everything together. I solved the problems, I filled the needs. I was a facilitator, a guardian, a truth teller and a provider…that was it! GLUE! I was the glue. The kind that when dry becomes…invisible.

I’d run headlong into adulthood through the veil of raging hormones. I married the guy that made me quiver at eighteen! Three babies later he succumbed to the drugs that became the focus of his desire. He was sick, he was addicted, and I buried him because of it. I got that, but being a widow at twenty-three with three babies was a bit overwhelming. I pulled myself up by my boot straps, got an education and became a registered nurse. I could do this I’d thought and set out to prove it! I didn’t have brothers and sisters. I was alone so it wasn’t easy when the next guy, Gerald Baxter, came along convincing me he loved me, he loved my kids as his own and wouldn’t life together be grand? He was a banker and very good with numbers. He was always the life of the party from Corporate dinners to private ones. Gerald was so charming and easy on the eyes.

The picture of growing old together was a thing of beauty and I bought into it quicker than I wanted to admit. Until I realized it was a water color dream, not a time enduring oil painting and to keep the muted colors from sliding off the canvas of our lives together I became the facilitator of a make it work marriage. The consistent disciplinarian in the home while he coasted through life being the sweet fun guy. He helped the kids and especially himself by encouraging the ‘let’s not tell mom’ strategies. It took me several years to get a clear picture of what was happening but once I did I couldn’t unsee it.

The raw resentment wouldn’t manifest until years later when I watched my own teenage children side with him against the strict, controlling beast they described me as. They could only see the layer closet to what they wanted. I’m the one who said no to more puppies, no to more kittens. Then no to sleep overs at homes where I didn’t fully know the parents. No to dates with boys that were clearly wild ones, no to girls being in my sons bedroom and no to girls scantily clad in my backyard. Dad, Gerald, on the other hand would take them to the mall let them out and go play a round of golf then collect them all and return home having concocted their stories because I didn’t need to know. He got the admiration of the kids and did accomplished doing exactly what he wanted to do. When I installed tracking on all the cell phones, then I could clearly see what was happening. This lead to many an argument and grounding. What gave me some satisfaction is the fact they sought me when they needed help, they wanted their mother in times of need. So I consoled myself with the knowledge I was seen as the parent they could count on.

I walked back into the house and sat my coffee cup in the sink. Laid the keys on the counter beside my old cell phone. The last visage of my former life. My given last name and my middle name would now be my identity. I paused briefly at the door and took one last look behind me. I’d been planning this day for a year! Now here it was. I was fifty-seven years old. I’d gotten married at eighteen. My first marriage accounted for five years, I was single for nine years, becoming the cornerstone of my family. I married the man I thought was ‘the true one’ and spent the next twenty-four years fighting the quicksand. Hanging onto hope that everything would work out, not examining each fragment that chipped away until there was nothing but shattered dreams left around me.

I’d fought against it replacing my empty nest with fur babies and feather tipped babies and spurring roosters. I took in every stray. Structured my days with exhaustive duties telling myself they would make me happy until I realized I physically couldn’t do it any more. I got to the point where I was staying up at night to keep the predator’s out of my hen house! What was wrong with me? What was missing? I didn’t know, but I was going to find out. I was sick of looking in the mirror and seeing my past reflected back at me or looking directly into the stress I’d once again heaped onto myself with sun up to sun down responsibilities. Freedom loomed and as I closed the door behind me I wondered if through the different stages of my life there was some older version of myself sipping her coffee watching me over the rim of her cup, the hint of a smile on her face? If there was would she whisper ‘sucker’ or would she say ‘it’s about time’?

It had been hard rehoming all my fur babies and sending all my feathered ones to new nests but once I did I had to walk away. I’d lived in that cabin through filing for divorce and come to terms with the force that drove me to be everything to all the persons in my life until they all moved on and I surrounded myself with replacements, though adorable, I was exhausted mentally and physically.

The twists of the last eighteen months took their toll. I had decided on a new way of life I’d have to learn, but if there was one thing about me I did know it was that I could adapt.

I was going about living the rest of my life on my terms. Id get up in the mornings based on my schedule not someone else’s or some responsibility I’d created. I didn’t have to fill every minute of every day with schedules and drama or have a person to take care of besides myself. Liquidation of one’s former life did take planning and decisions both of which I had mastered through the years. I knew most of my weaknesses, I thought, and I’d done my homework the only thing left to do now was make it happen.

I drove into the city after the rush hour. I was prepared to spend the next few nights in a motel if need be. I had a trial run set up so I’d not be far from the dealership in the event of issues. I could…no I would do this! I pulled up at the dealership and parked my truck. All my belongs packed neatly in it. The salesman I’d met with previously smiled when he saw me walk in. This would be a cash sale, no financing. I would drive away from here debt free in my new home. Free to go anywhere I wanted. The deposit had been large and she had been built to suit my needs. I was excited to see how well they met my expectations.

The motor home I chose was what they called a class C. She was small enough that I was comfortable driving her, but large enough to be comfortable in. He shook my hand then lead me outside and around the building.

“There she is” he said and keys in hand pointed to a shiny new silver on dark grey with black swirls, a class C recreational vehicle. She was twenty-eight feet long. I followed him inside after a tour of her exterior. Instead of the usual sofa I’d ordered two leather recliners foregoing the usual dining booths with table. They were exactly what I’d wanted. The drivers seating area had a large captains chair. It looked comfortable. I looked at the area above that and saw the cargo netting and straps. The perfect storage area. I’d stressed my need for that to be where I could access things but keep them tidy without flinging all over the cabin bouncing down the road. A drop down ladder released at the push of a button. I turned back and surveyed my new home. The kitchen on my left with counter top extension I could let up or down. A full double sided sink and a three burner stove with convection oven and microwave above it. A nice size fridge for one person and a pantry type closet with pull out drawers.

A full closet beside the bathroom complete with shower was perfect. The bedroom had one slide. The head of the bed could be moved outward so that while camped I could walk around my bed and not have to climb in on my knees. The solar panel was in place for what they called boon docking with panel’s affixed to the roof. I could camp, or park in the middle of nowhere and use solar power. I could crank up the outside generator in rainy or cloudy weather and charge the solars systems lithium batteries. I could be self sustaining until I ran out of water. Two air conditioners with heating were mounted overhead and outside there were extra panels that were portable that could be plugged up and positioned around the campsite when additional power was needed. I had satellite on the roof that would give me internet.

On the outside I had storage drawers that pulled out apart from the solar and generator. I had an out door shower, a pull out grill and awnings on both sides. The spare tire was up underneath and a rack which would hold my moped was on the back. A pull out line I could stake out and make a clothesline. She was everything I’d wanted. I just needed to name her.

We went back inside and completed the paperwork. I pulled my truck around and they helped me move all my belongings into my new home. We went over the owners manual. I made notes and tucked them into strategic sections to help clarify the directions. It was almost dark when I left and headed for the hotel. I’d spend the night, buy groceries for my new apartment on wheels then figure out what to do with my truck, I no longer need it, and I certainly didn’t want the memory of how I got it lingering.

I got up early, ate the fruit and waffles at the hotel then made my way to the grocery store housed inside of a big box store. I collected everything on my list and a few extra things to make it more homey inside. When I pulled back in to the dealership I saw a couple sitting on a bench. Her tear stained face as the wrecker pulled in, their RV no doubt being hauled. It was older and a fifth wheel pull, but there was no truck attached to it. I exited my truck and felt an immediate sense that everything happens for a reason. I didn’t want to intrude but I couldn’t walk away.

“Are you folks okay?” I asked, prepared for them to tell me to mind my own business. She tearfully looked up at me and shook her head no.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I offered. He shook his head no and thanked me then explained their dilemma.

They too lived in their RV. They traveled and blogged about their travels. Their truck blew an engine and now they were without a way to pull their home. They would have to buy another one and times were hard it was going to be a struggle to make ends meet. So basically they were homeless. I asked them if they’d like to join me for coffee, my first coffee inside my new home. They agreed and helped me unpack the groceries. She freely gave me suggestions and tips she had learned. Over coffee I made my decision. They were here at this dealership where the RV’s were sold, right next door they sold trucks to pull them and cars to tow behind them. I’d just spent a hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars. My RV was complete, it was made to drive down the road. I’d come to get rid of the truck after all, the last so called gift from Gerald.

My world was flipped upside down by infidelity then nose dived completely when instead of a divorcee I was officially now a widow. Nothing had been changed. I was his beneficiary still. So after the sale of our family home plus dispersement of investments and savings accounts. The sale of my small fifteen acre homestead was completed. Provisions for the kids inheritance upon my death I had almost three million in the bank. My retirement and the specified allotment I would access each month would keep me comfortable and independent. The truck had been purchased by Gerald and gifted to me before he died. It needed to go. I pushed the keys to the truck across the table, after all it had been free to me, so why not pass it forward? She looked at them and looked up at me her forehead wrinkling as she tried to make sense of my action.

“I just bought this.” I raised my had indicating the vehicle we were sitting in. “I’m about to head out. The last detail I needed to figure out was what to do with the truck. It’s heavy duty. I’ve used it for the last few years to haul hay for my animals. It has low mileage and it’s paid for. I’m the sole owner and can do whatever I want with it.” I said then added. “So here you go. See if the dealership can do an oil change and print a bill of sale and odometer statement. I’ll get the title and she’s all yours…if you can buy her for a dollar.”

They both stared at me and sat there in shocked silence. I held out my hand and said “that’ll be one dollar please”. She just kept blinking at me, he pulled out his wallet and laid the one dollar bill in my hand. I picked up the keys and placed them in his hand. I said as an after thought. “Let’s make sure the fifth-wheel hook up is right too, if not I’ll have that changed for you too.” At that she burst into tears.

“Hey now, come on…” my voice trailed off when I realized I didn’t even know their names. They introduced themselves as Billy and Trudy Messner. “Well, my whole married life I’ve been Melinda Jane Baxter. When I leave here, it’s a new chapter for me. I’m dropping Melinda and I’m single now, I’ll be Jane Jenkins from now on.”

Billy examined the fifth-wheel hook up and was amazed it was exactly right to pull their RV. The dealership had made an offer to buy my truck, I declined but they did schedule the oil change for first thing in the morning. I paid for that then took Billy and Trudy to the hotel. They had spent the best part of the night on the bench outside the dealership. We completed the paperwork transferring the truck to them and I prepared to leave for the open road well ahead of rush hour traffic. I plugged the address of the RV park into the Global Positioning System. The park I’d chosen for the next few days to acquaint myself with setting up the RV for camping was forty-eight minutes away. I told them goodbye and wished them safe travels.

“Before you go, I have something for you…it’s not new, but it’s something of great value to me.” She said as she reached into her enormous bag and fished out a large leather bound Bible. I raised my hand to protest but Trudy captured it and brought it to her chest. Tears filled her eyes and she leaned closer to me. I could feel her breath on my cheek. “Please Jane, please take it. I held this Bible every day for the last twenty years. It’s brought me great comfort. You’ve given me what I prayed for last night, for Jesus to make a way…and here you are.” She squeezed my hand almost desperately. “You are looking for something and what you are looking for…the words in this book will help you find it.” Her eyes were dark pools with spectacular glistening lights. She believed completely what she was saying.

I mean, yeah, I believed in God, but like I’d always been told all you had to do was believe and I’d been baptized so, it couldn’t hurt right? I took it from her and thanked her. Reclaimed my hand, then returned her hug. Placed the book in the passenger seat and closed the door. Finally I was free of all entanglements and on my way. I clicked the seat belt with determination and set the vehicle in motion.

I managed to back into the camping space with the back up camera’s. I could see down both sides and behind it, and went through the hook up check list. I didn’t need the air conditioning yet, and since dinner was a salad with cheese, crackers and grapes for dessert the fan I’d purchased would suffice.

I took my first shower and was quite pleased. The one thing I’d address next was getting a shorter hair cut. Yes it would require maintenance cuts but in the colder climates this long hair took too much time in the shower. I pulled on my lounge pants a sleep shirt, my hair still wrapped in the towels. The awning was extended above the door side and I would hang my towel to dry on the plastic hanger I would dangle from a bungee cord. I had a folding rack in the storage but I’d unpack it when I did laundry. I’d bought the small portable washing machine I placed behind the passenger seat and secured it to the seat as well as the blocks I’d made to prevent it from rolling. The dealership had installed the quick connects under the sink in the kitchen area and the old fashioned clothes wringer I would set across the double sink was stowed in the storage area. I had it covered I thought to myself.

I enjoyed the evening. I turned on the reading lamp and reached for the Bible Trudy had given me. My books were packed away, I’d have time later to unpack fully and organize things to my satisfaction. Tonight I’d glance through this and sip my sweet tea.

So I flipped open the book and it opened at Jonah. I started reading the story. Then I read the note Trudy had written…’Poor Jonah, God gave him a task he didn’t want to do, but God taught him it was going to be God’s way. In the end Jonah pouted because God didn’t destroy Nineveh. God gave him shade where he could pout then let a worm eat it.’ That insight was funny so I read it again through the lense of Trudy’s note. This had some fun to it and through her notes I found there was way more to it than the little kids Sunday school stories.

I certainly didn’t want to unpack the books from storage and bring down a novel with love at its core. So the Bible might just be the perfect book for me. I could at least learn customs of the historical characters. I put it in the cubby hole between the chairs. My first night in my new home.

The next morning I knew one thing…that bed was awful. I took out my notebook and started my list of needs. Today I would learn how to extend my awning and secure it. I’d take my moped off and make sure I could remount it alone.

I was quite proud of myself at the end of the first day. I sat under the awning as my steak cooked on the small grill. My vegetables were ready to go on it and my sweet tea was delicious! By the time dinner was ready the sun would be going down. I pulled out my bucket list. I had places I wanted to see, I pushed away old memories, and the plans we had made, painful is all they were now. The last twenty-four years of marriage was literally dead and buried. I was alive and I would fulfill my own dreams. It wasn’t quite Spring yet so with each area I checked weather and made myself a map. Staying south in the cold months and north in the heat of summer! That was the only schedule I would allow myself to plan.

Once dinner was complete and everything clean I curled up in the recliner and pulled out the Bible, repeating the random opening and reading whatever pages it opened to. Second Corinthians chapter twelve verses nine and ten, I read once then read it again. It didn’t make any sense to me. Who’s happy about being weak? For that matter how can you get stronger when your weak? It was things like this that made me want to just shut it and dig out something else to read. I saw Trudy’s note and read it. Then read the verses again.

-“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” I read what Trudy wrote. ‘Perfect here is the Greek word telos, meaning to bring to an end, complete, fulfill. So God’s Grace is the strength that brings an end to your weakness. Everything through Christ is fulfilled.’

-“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”-I read Trudy’s explanations. She used an interlinear online tool and explained the verses according to the original Greek meaning of the words. ‘So even when I feel my weakest, frail, I can trust that my faith and relationship with Christ, His Grace, is what will give me the strength to overcome the weakness.’

Wow I thought, that’s a great theory…but would it hold water? I’d been brought to ferocious anger by betrayal then to guilty despair the moment the police knocked on my door to tell me my husband was dead. It had put an end to mediating the divorce and all the tedious haggling over material things. I was thrust into the character I was supposed to assume of grieving widow. Maybe I needed to find out who I was through the lens of the faith I’d claimed since I was ten? Maybe that’s where I was in my life? I needed to learn what faith really was and who God really was?

I didn’t really know, but I decided I’d learn what this book could teach me, after all look what being a good person had gotten me. I was a new widow to everyone but myself. Love had died a long time before Gerald did. So as I traveled I’d collect study material. I’d learn if Trudy was right, that I could find answers in this Bible.

I slept in the recliner…that uncomfortable bed had to be changed. I had coffee, stored my things and filled my travel mug. I’d decided to go east towards Florida and I set out. I truly enjoyed being able to park, close the curtains and use my own bathroom.

I stopped at a State Park in Louisiana and visited a plantation site where I read an old poem about a woman’s devotion and how the blended people became known as Cajuns. I traveled through Baton Rouge and located the campground I’d chosen on the southern end of Mississippi. I found a store that would give me the opportunity to address the containers I wanted to secure for easy access to things I wouldn’t use all the time but didn’t want to part with. I was in the parking lot measuring my space to choose the right size containers when I noticed the carpentry sign. That I decided was what I would do tomorrow. I’d find someone who could design and build my storage space.

I was going to enjoy some aspects of the ocean as I traveled so this would be the perfect spot. I called and made an appointment for the next morning with the carpenter and added the eight inch memory foam to the bed. I’d sleep much better tonight. I grabbed a pizza for dinner and enjoyed the view of passing ships on the Gulf of Mexico. The site was perfect. I read a passage of scripture and Trudy’s notes then decided I’d start by learning to pray. It wasn’t something I’d ever thought much about other than in an occasional church type setting. I opened the book to

Jeremiah chapter twenty-nine verses eleven through thirteen -“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”- ‘The Lord wants me to know Him, pursue Him.’

That’s it! I thought. I was going to pursue God! I’d done life my way and look how that had turned out…widowed times two! It was time to find out if I was only invisible to humans! I crawled into a bed that felt soft and inviting now and whispered…’God, if your listening I’m looking for you now.”

(To be continued…)