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Perfected

Chapter One

The plane sped down the runway and within moments it lifted up. I watched as the clouds seemed to swallow us. The agony of the last few days enveloped me and I lifted a trembling hand to brush my hair away from my forehead.

“Are you okay dear?” The woman sitting next to me asked. I looked at her as I drew my breath in sharply, startled out of my thoughts by her voice. She appeared to be in her late seventies with a piercing blue gaze despite her years. At my almost audible gasp she placed her hand on mine as it gripped the arm rest between us and patting the back of my hand to comfort and reassure me she whispered “Jesus will protect us.”

I withdrew my hand and tried not to sneer at her as I said “Oh, sure he will” but my voice was thick with sarcasm. She lifted her eyebrows and I informed her “if you don’t mind I’d rather not talk about your Jesus.” At this she reached in her bag and pulled out her Bible. Bracing myself for a sermon from a well intentioned old lady I was surprised, she held the Bible in her arms and brought it lovingly to her chest then bowed her head as she pulled the scarf around her neck up over her head almost completely obscuring my view of her face. Her lips began to move and I knew she was praying. At least it was silent, I thought, as my gaze returned to the window.

I closed my eyes as the last twenty years of my life faded away and I replayed the joy and agony that brought me to where I now found myself. Once again I was an eighteen year old bride remembering the warmth of her new husbands embrace.

Tyler Vincent Perkins, affectionately known as Ty, with his black hair thick and curly, his sharp blue eyes that twinkled like stars. We had been so in love. He was through his first two years of pre-med and I would start my freshman year in the fall, but we were madly in love. Our parents had encouraged us to wait, but good sense couldn’t override our desires and faced with our insistence that we marry with their blessing or we elope they relented. The wedding had been wonderful, a cherished moment, every girls dream. We got a small apartment just off campus and settled into married life. We were constantly amazed at how happy and perfect everything was. I was going to be a computer system analyst and architect with a minor in business management, and Ty was going to be a doctor. He was brilliant, school was no effort for him. He loved learning. We had it all figured out we thought.

It was the day before thanksgiving and I had been feeling under the weather for weeks. We were cooking for tomorrow where our two families were going to blend at the “ranch”, a cabin my dad had built for fishing trips and summer get always. It was between Houston and Dallas so it was perfectly situated between both families. My favorite aspect of the Thanksgiving feast was the enormous amounts of food and desserts. I stepped into the kitchen walked over to the oven where the dressing was baking and took a giant sniff. I stood abruptly and clamped my hand over my mouth and ran for the toilet. My mother followed me. I told her to stay back, I was obviously not over whatever this virus was. She raised her eyebrows and began to question me. What she was getting at dawned on me and I sat down on the toilet. I thought back over the last six months. We had been so careful, well except for…and…

“Oh man” I whispered. My mother being a complete blabber mouth went into the living room where everybody was and announced she needed a volunteer to go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. Everyone looked at her dumbfounded to which she pointed behind her at me. Ty reacted the same way I did muttering “Oh man”. My sister was sympathetic, my brother just kept grinning. When Ty and Buster, my brother, returned within 20 minutes we knew we were pregnant.

It wasn’t exactly perfect timing but we were so excited. We could do this! Ty worked summers as an emergency medical technician for a private ambulance service and I got a job doing hospital coding. Fourteen days after our first anniversary our son was born. We named him Tyler and his middle name, Jacob, after my dad who died in a car accident when I was fourteen years old. We called him TJ.

Managing school and a baby was hard, but he was so sweet. Ty caught shifts on the weekends to provide extra cash. He came home Sunday night and I was up rocking the baby. He had a stuffy nose and was fussy trying to take his bottle. We decided to take him to the doctor the next morning. It was a mild upper respiratory infection. Just give him fever reducer if his temperature was elevated and use saline drops to clear his nose, it should run its course in seven to ten days. He started to improve and resumed happily devouring his bottles. It was Thursday night, we put him in the bassinet beside our bed, knowing that in about six hours he would start stirring wanting his bottle. I snuggled into the arms of my husband not realizing that would be the last time I would find such peace, joy and contentment in his arms.

The sun peeking through the blinds made me sit up alarmed. Tyler had slept the whole night through or had I slept through Ty feeding him? I asked myself. Ty whispered “morning” letting me know he was awake. Leaning over towards him I ran my hands through his mass of curly dark hair and down his back as I whispered “what time did you feed the baby for me?”

The alarm on Ty’s face said everything. I rolled over and sat up reaching for our son as his daddy jumped to his feet and ran around the end of the bed. He was cold and blue as I picked his lifeless body up and screamed. Ty started CPR. I grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1.

My sobs could be heard by all the surrounding neighbors. My infant son was gone, “crib death” was what the old folks called it but the Paramedics called it Sudden Infant Death. No one was to blame they said but I couldn’t accept that. Someone had to be blamed. Ty and I had met at church camp initially and when our parents arrived hours later mom had brought the Pastor. He offered to pray with us and they all joined hands. As the Pastor began to pray I closed my eyes against the rage I felt. How could they believe in a God that would allow this to happen? There were two possibilities I thought, either there was no God or He was punishing me…for what? For being happy? For loving and being loved? Or maybe because I didn’t need him like these people did. Either way my life and my heart were shattered and I wanted no part of their God. They always spouted that he was love, well if this is an example of his love then no thank you.

My grief consumed me. Ty on the other hand leaned on God. He cried and ended up on his knees most nights beside the bed, the open Bible on the night stand. I couldn’t stand it. We grew apart as I became colder and colder until our sons birthday we went to the cemetery. Ty brought his usual single yellow rose. I remembered Ty coming home with two yellow roses, one he gave to me and the other he gave to TJ as he scooped him up in his arms. He tickled his cheeks with the soft petals and I could still hear his tiny giggle and the delight on his face as he grinned looking from his daddy to that single yellow rose.

The agony overwhelmed me and all my pent up rage spilled out. I crumbled to my knees and sank my hands into the earth. Ty began to sob as he tried to lift me up to gather me in his arms.

“No!” I screamed as I pushed at his chest pushing him away from me. “I don’t want you to hold me, I want to hold my son!”

Ty wiped his tears away as he said “I know sweetheart, I want that too. Someday we will.”

“No! Don’t you dare spout that religious garbage at me! Tell me where was your God when your son couldn’t breathe? Huh? Tell me Ty, where was this Jesus you cling to? That stuff was just fine when we were kids, but not any more. Not when I am standing at the grave of my son, my four month old innocent baby that’s just gone forever. Your Gods as real as the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy and any other imaginary drivel and I refuse to hear it again. How can you take comfort from something so stupid.”

Ty straightened to his full height. “I know God is real and I know His comfort to my grief has been amazing. I did the research, our son had a mild respiratory infection, at some point TJ rolled from his side onto his stomach and quite possibly rebreathed the carbon monoxide from his own exhaled breath, we didn’t hear him struggle he just stopped breathing.”

“Really? That’s what you believe? Because what I’m hearing is “you were sleeping right next to him Jen why didn’t you hear him?” I hurled the accusation with as much vicious indignation as I could muster.

“Stop this Jennifer. Face the facts, you are blaming yourself, nobody else is! It just happened and we have to live with it. Nobody can help you if you won’t let us!”

“Did I ask you to help me? No, no I didn’t because the only help you or anybody else can offer me is a fairy tale God!” I spat the words at him as I slammed both palms against his chest and got the compressed lips and narrowed gaze I was pushing for. “I did the research too doc-wanna-be. It’s more likely one of the genes that could be the culprit. Either way, I can’t live with you if your gonna continue all this religious stuff, add that to the possibility our genes together aren’t a good match. The sex was good but the end product may be the very reason our son died. I certainly don’t want to risk having another child with you from a possible genetic killer we create in a sweet little baby or a child you expect to raise with your views on God. I’m done, I want a divorce from you, my love for you has turned to utter disgust at who you really are! I wish I’d never met you and I regret ever having touched you and the thought of intimacy with you makes my skin crawl. Face this fact why don’t you.”

Ty paled and sank to his knees. Tears were streaming down his face as he said “Jen, I love you! You don’t mean this.”

“I mean every word” I stared into his eyes, angry because he didn’t feel like I did. “Go stay with your parents, I’ll pack up my things and be gone in forty eight hours. I don’t ever want to see you again. When the divorce is final I will come to this grave on his birthday in the evenings, you come in the mornings. From now on your my past and I want you to stay that way!” I took a cab back to the apartment packed my clothes and books and walked away. I spent the summer working in bars and traveling around. My family tried to reason with me but relented when I threatened to disappear from their lives too. Eventually the raw bitterness abated, I traded campuses inside the university system and continued working toward my goals.

The pain on his face has haunted me for twenty years. I’ve dated a few men but I never loved anyone and never felt the need for companionship that went beyond a casual date. What was the point? I’d had one devastating love until I realized how weak he was. Relying on fairy tales was not the kind of man I wanted in my life. I’d loved him but there were things about him I couldn’t respect. I had lost my child, my heart had melted inside my chest. I was so angry I wanted to hurt someone so they could hurt as bad as I did so I murdered us with my words. Work became my reason for existing. My mother had passed away a few years back and my relationship with my siblings was strained. They were both happily married with children and active in church. We had nothing in common.

There was one evening each year I would give in to the past and relive the joy of love that culminated in a pain so intense that for one night I would relive every moment as if it were yesterday. I’d hear my son giggle, I’d see him scrunch up his chubby little face and cry. I’d remember how soft his skin was and how it felt to hold him in my arms. But as they always do, the memories gave way to the horrible discovery the morning light brought. 

As I’d done for the past twenty years my gaze would be drawn to the single yellow rose and the small toy car or truck sitting next to it on the base of TJ’s headstone. Evidence his daddy had not forgotten him. Just for a moment I allowed myself to remember Ty’s smile, his lips so full, his kisses so tender and the sound of his voice as he said my name with passion. The feel of his hair between my fingers. Then all of that would give way to the pain written all over his face as I pushed him from my life. I did my best to destroy him with my words. Maybe then he would feel just a little bit of the agony within me. Sure there was just a tinge of regret, but I pushed that away. 

Circumstances had taken a hatchet to our lives and there were no do overs. My belief’s otherwise had not changed. I’d caught an article in a medical journal once and saw his name. I read the line Dr. Tyler Perkins and his wife…I’d closed the magazine, thrown it in the trash and swallowed the taste of jealousy I convinced myself was for my son. No doubt TJ’s daddy had replaced him with children with his wife. I pushed all thought of him back into the past. He had remarried, good for him.

My life had been good, I told myself. The loss of my child and the death of love hadn’t been my tragic end. I built my business and I’d earned a reputation as a computer analyst that was well known. I had the respect I’d worked for and I’d assembled employee’s that were proficient and dependable. I was very comfortable.

It was only in the last few days I’d felt uneasy. I’d been standing in the book store when I’d felt like someone was watching me. I turned and looked behind me but found no one looking in my direction. I’d looked back at the books in front of me and reached up to pull a book down and saw a steel blue eye with long dark lashes, definitely masculine, and it felt so familiar looking back at me. My breath caught in my throat as I shoved the book back into place. That wasn’t possible I told myself but my heart skipped a beat at just the thought that Ty was on the other side of those shelves. I steadied myself and walked around to the other side. Nothing! No one was there.

The next day I’d met a new client for lunch, a Dr. Rebecca Hill from North Carolina that had a practice with four other physicians. They had bought property and wanted to integrate and construct a special computer network that could be expanded on in the future. I couldn’t quite understand why but I felt like she was scrutinizing me. “So your not married I see” Rebecca asked, inclining her head to my left hand. I assured her I wasn’t. The group had acquired a small apartment complex that was being renovated to become housing for family of long term patients. The meeting went splendidly and they had accepted my proposal and fee’s. I was given a check and the signed contracts. They were offering an apartment on site where I could work on the system and given me a credit card and detailed budget for the writing of the programs and the purchase of the equipment I had suggested. This would be a new area for me to develop my skills in, and certainly a challenge. I would fly out in two days and see the facilities in person.

She and I left the restaurant and she headed for her Uber that would take her to the airport for her return flight home. I was standing at the crosswalk waiting for the signal to cross. I looked over my shoulder as she sat down in the car, there was a man in the backseat as well, he turned to speak to her and I stopped dead in my tracks. It was only a glimpse but I could of sworn that man looked like Tyler. I was frozen to the spot and holding my breath two steps from the curb, people crowded past me obscuring my view, when I could see through the pedestrians the car was gone. Telling myself that my imagination had gone wild I continued on. I decided to stop at my parents grave site on the way home. I wanted to make sure that the flowers I had ordered were in place. July fourth was just around the corner.

The flowers were beautiful. I bent down and placed my hand on moms tombstone and saw the vibrant clash of yellow lain behind the vase. It was a single yellow rose. Tyler had been here! I wasn’t imagining anything. I was being manipulated! What was he up to?…I wondered. After all these years! What does his wife think of this, then wondered if Rebecca could be his wife. Now I wish I’d read the whole article. My anger grew on the way home. How dare he do this. Was he out to rub his wife and kids in my face? “Like I care one bit” I told myself. I’d make him regret this and it would be a very expensive lesson.

The flight took forever. I was agitated and on edge. I hadn’t eaten in two days. My head was pounding and I couldn’t concentrate. An Uber driver held up a sign with my name on it. He loaded my luggage and I fidgeted all the way to the complex. I exited the vehicle and saw Rebecca waiting for me. She was beautiful. Her long red hair with her green eyes held your attention. She smiled and shook my hand welcoming me. I forced a smile and reminded myself to play along. It wasn’t Rebecca I wanted to slap. I’d done more homework and found out Ty was not only in this particular group of doctors, he was in fact the majority owner of this property.

The apartments were nice and cozy. Most were only one bedroom but there was a front side and a back side to the facilities. Rebecca promised a full tour after I got settled in.

I checked in with my office, had my assistant Rita order me a rental car and unpacked my things. The apartment wasn’t lavish but it was cozy. The kitchen was small but fully functional. I was on the second floor but there was a small patio. My cell phone rang and Rebecca asked if I was ready. I braced myself and headed for the elevator.

She lead me down the sidewalk to a main opening explaining that the offices for the complex were located in the center. Once in side I was ushered into a conference room. It was pretty empty but against the wall was a scaled down model of the entire complex. It was massive.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how large this endeavor was.” I said as I glanced at her. She smiled and raised her eyebrows. “I know, it’s a one of a kind facility. Hopefully our success can be repeated across the country in the years to come.”

She provided me with a map and took me out into the main corridor. Gesturing for me to follow we ended up on the other side of the complex. One end was marked for ambulance entry only. She excused herself telling me to look around she had a minor emergency she needed to deal with. I followed the path to the ambulance parking area and tried to locate where it was on the map as the double gates opened and an ambulance pulled in. I watched as it backed into the space, remembering the times Ty came by while on duty. The back up alarm was loud. The back doors opened and a stretcher was pulled out. There were bags of medications and machines clamped to the rails where a small child was laying. I looked at her tiny frame as she lifted her hand which was engulfed immediately by a man’s much larger one. 

I heard myself groan as Ty stepped out of the back of the ambulance still holding her hand. He looked up and our eyes met. I hadn’t expected this. I’d expected a more controlled setting for our first meeting, certainly not with a sick child present. Ty whispered to her, kissed her hand, nodded to the ambulance personnel then headed toward me. I couldn’t drag my gaze away. He had been handsome then but he was devastatingly handsome now. I looked up into his blue eyes as darkness swept over me. I felt his arms encircle me and couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around his neck. My last conscious thought was how good it felt.

PERFECTED

Chapter Two

I awoke to a sharp jab at the tip of my middle finger of my left hand. My eyes flew open when I tried to yank my hand away from the offensive stick but found it grasped firmly in Ty’s hand. I was laying on the bed in the apartment and he was sitting beside me holding my hand. I looked up into his face and felt my cheeks flush, completely speechless as I took in the face I had once loved so much. 

He was tan, but he had always tanned so easy, unlike me who burned to a painful crisp in a matter of hours. His hair was still dark except for a streak of silver that ran from both temples toward his ears. It was a perfect distinguishing mark, that would only be seen when his hair was combed neatly as it was now. I tried to stop myself from looking at his lips so I looked him in the eye. Those beautiful ocean blue eyes. Suddenly I realized he had released his tight grip on my hand and his thumb now caressed the palm of my hand. I snatched my hand away. Ty sat up straighter and explained my blood sugar had dropped so it was no wonder I fainted.

“When was the last time you ate Jen?” He asked.

“I can’t remember I had a busy schedule preparing to come here.” I said tight lipped. “How about you explain why I’m here at all.” I challenged. He stood up and I watched him turn toward the door. He had filled out, Tyler was no longer the athletic boy I remembered. He was muscular and lean and manly…there was an air of confidence yet kindness in his demeanor and the way he held himself. He had on jeans a blue shirt tucked in with a dark grey tie and a white lab coat. He reached and gathered the glucose thing off the dresser and slid it into the pocket of his coat then looked back at me.

“All in good time, for now you need to eat, and you need to rest. There’s dinner tonight at seven. Rebecca and her husband Walt will bring you. By the way, your keys are on the counter in the kitchen, your rental car was delivered while you were in the swoon position. There’s soup and salad on the table. See you tonight.” He said, turned on his heel and left.

The dresser was directly across from the bed. My reflection in the mirror was most unattractive. My mouth was gaping open and my hair was wild! I looked down at my hand, the feel of his caress still lingered.

I sat up and my head swirled and I felt dizzy. He was right about one thing, I needed to eat. I went to the table and did just that. What I wanted after I ate was a cup of coffee. I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinet above the coffee maker. There was a gift bag with my name on it, it simply said Jen. I peered inside and immediately knew it was from Ty. We have a chain of grocery stores in Texas that sell their own blends of coffee and my favorite was their breakfast blend. Ty had gifted me with two pounds of my favorite coffee beans, a grinder and creamer. It was very thoughtful of him, but things like this wouldn’t make manipulating me personally and professionally go away. I took a shower and called Rebecca, I had no idea how formal this dinner was going to be so I had no idea what to wear. 

I was dressed in slacks with a loose fitting blue shirt when she called and said they were out front. Her husband Walt stood beside the rear passenger door. Rebecca introduced us and he shook my hand warmly. He was probably in his mid fifties, she appeared to be ten or more years younger. They made chit chat about being hungry and how good this restaurant was. They were affectionate, she put her hand on the console between them and he captured her hand in his as he drove. They were a happy couple.

When we arrived we were ushered into an area for meetings and groups dining together. I was introduced to ten other people and noticed Ty wasn’t present yet. Rebecca asked Aaron where Ty was and he said he was minutes away he had news to share. Just as we were about to sit down at the table Ty entered, he was now dressed in jeans and a pullover shirt that enhanced his tan and gave a nice outline to his muscled shoulders and arms. It was casual alright I thought, casually captivating. 

I shook my head reminding myself that I had been clear I never wanted to see him again, yet here we were twenty years later in the same room and without my consent. I had every right to be angry at him, but right now I was angry at myself. Why did my heart beat speed up and my mouth go dry? When his gaze settled on me why did I feel like that silly bride that wanted to fall into his arms? I had to push those thoughts and especially those feelings away. There was no going back, too much separated us. He obviously held onto his belief system. The first thing they all did when they sat down was bow their heads and pray.

I refused to join in. I watched them as they prayed. Each one bowed their heads and Walt lead the prayer. It was short thankfully. I looked at Ty who opened his eyes and looked directly at me as Walt said amen. I returned his gaze defiantly, letting him know that my feelings had certainly not changed.

Molly was seated directly to Ty’s left as he sat at the head of the table. She leaned toward him asking him a question. He leaned closer to her and whispered into her ear, his left arm going behind her onto the chair. Whatever he said apparently made her happy, she lifted her face to him and smiled then took her left hand and patted his hand on the table affectionately. The others were now curious and teased them to share whatever this news was.

“We got a private donation just a few minutes ago. We were the recipient of one hundred million dollars to complete the complex and designated to receive twenty five million annually for benevolent care for the next ten years from just that one company alone.”

They were all ecstatic. They started hugging each other and tears began to fall. I was shocked. That was an amazing amount of money.

Ty’s gaze locked on mine, his smile faded as he lifted his glass. “Thank you to everyone in this room, and to those that come aboard in the future and help us maintain TJ’s Haven.” So there it was, the reason I was here. This project, whatever it was, would bear my son’s name. Ty could have sent me a registered letter and hired someone locally to do this job, but he hadn’t. He was offering me the opportunity as TJ’s mother to be involved. I was moved, but my belief or lack of it had not changed. I did want to know exactly what they were doing. Obviously they were a group of well educated professionals, but they were more than that. They were like minded in their belief’s.

The food was delicious. Dinner was winding down and Ty asked me to stay, he would drive me back and explain some things. I agreed, only because I wanted answers. I especially wanted to know where his wife was. I noticed the glint of a wedding band, but from my vantage point I couldn’t make it out. Every time he stood up it seemed his left hand was either in his pocket or patting the back of those that were saying goodnight before leaving. We had all agreed to meet at ten the next morning for our first formal planning session.

It didn’t surprise me that he drove a truck, an older one at that and I couldn’t help but ask why as we left the restaurant. “It’s handy to have. You’ll definitely see why tomorrow. We all use it, in fact I need go to the grocery store on the way back.” He explained as he opened the door to the truck for me.

“That would be good for me as well. I need to eat better than I have been obviously.” I managed to smile at him. “Yes you do, I might not be there to break your swoon next time.” He said as he closed the door.

He pulled up into the parking lot of the grocery store. I hopped out and met him at the back of the truck. He rummaged in his pocket and brought out wads of paper that he had shoved in them. These were shopping lists.

“Holly hired kitchen staff today and this is the first compilation of things they need since our first resident arrived at TJ’s Haven this morning. The little girl you saw in the ambulance. Dinner was delivered tonight, but they will need food. We only have fifteen apartments ready and she’s our first resident.”

“Wow” I said, not fully comprehending what they were doing. “So how long will she be staying? Wait why does one little girl need an apartment and not a hospital room?”

“Her situation is different. She needs a heart transplant. Her mother is single and just got evicted, they have no family to help and the state has no other resource but foster care. Hopefully she will get the transplant but if that doesn’t happen she and her mother will stay at TJ’s Haven until…” his voice trailed off and what he said sank in.

“Oh my God!” I said then saw him grin and arch an eyebrow at me. “That’s just a figure of speech! My disbelief in your God has not changed one iota!” I clarified. “If you say so dear.” He teased.

“I am not your dear! Aren’t you married by the way?” I asked directly. “No, I am not.” He’s responded. I remembered what I read, and I saw a flash of gold on his left hand. “I’m divorced, remember?”.

“Of course I remember.” I said as he pulled out a shopping cart for me and one for himself. I looked down and saw his hand and the golden band. My eyes fixed on it and I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and took his hand and brought it closer, examining it. It was the ring I’d placed on his finger the day we got married.

I released his hand and looked up, so many questions written all over my face. He lifted his hand brushed the back of his fingers down my cheek and said. “You’re not ready for my answers. Maybe some day soon, but right now we need to get what’s on these lists before the store closes and I have rounds at the hospital beginning at five in the morning.”

It took us well over an hour and three shopping carts to gather what was on the lists, then sort out what went where when we got back to the complex. Ty called Hank, the security officer for the complex, he and Tim met us at the loading dock. Everything was taken to the kitchen where the new cook was busily putting it away. She was cheerful and asked if she could use the truck this weekend to move in to her apartment. This information surprised me. So certain employees would live in house I surmised. This was getting more interesting I thought. They were literally building their own working community. It would be interesting to see how they planned to maintain it.

Ty carried the groceries to the new in house residents and I followed him. He tapped on the door and a woman answered. I stood in the hallway hesitantly, then she gestured saying “come on in honey”. I smiled and entered. It was almost identical to the apartment I was in except that instead of one bed there were two in the bedroom, a hospital bed and a twin bed. I helped her unpack the groceries as Ty went in to the child. I heard him whispering to her and then she began to sing softly, pausing briefly to catch her breath. “Jesus loves me…” she sang as Ty encouraged her.

“She has been practicing that, determined to sing that for him. She loves doc T. That’s what she calls doctor Perkins.” She wiped away a tear and said exactly how she felt. “These people here are special gifts from God. My baby has to have a heart transplant or she won’t make it. She is twelve and if they hadn’t brought us to TJ’s Haven then if she dies I couldn’t of been with her. I’d of lost custody and been separated from her. This way no matter what happens I’ll be there.”

I understood, my loss was compounded knowing my child was laying in his bassinet right beside me. I couldn’t imagine the horror of being separated from a terminally ill child. Having to hand your child to complete strangers.

After we left the girls apartment Ty carried my groceries in. I started making coffee, thanked him for the gift and asked him if he wanted a cup. He said no, he should go. I said okay and walked toward the door as he did. He opened it, looked back at me and said, “I am glad you’re here, but I don’t want to make this awkward for you. You deserve, as TJ’s mother, to be a part of this. I don’t intend to pressure you, but at the same time there’s this” he said as he turned slid one arm behind me, the other to the side of my face, brought me against him and kissed me deeply. Just as suddenly as it started he abruptly withdrew and pushed himself away from me.

I couldn’t breathe, but all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and drag his lips back to mine. I was shaking. I lifted my hand to my mouth as Ty ran his through his hair. Childish as I felt I wanted to say ‘no let me do it’ and sink my hands into the silken darkness.

“There has never been another woman. I’ve always loved you, but there’s more to it for me. There may have been a civil divorce, but there has never been an emotional one nor was there a Biblical one. I’m a man of faith. I made a covenant with you before my God, in all these years I have never broken my vows to you, now I want to know…have you?” He asked, his gaze intent on my face. He deserved an honest answer. “I have never kissed another man, I’ve never wanted to. I’ve gone on casual dinner dates, but shook hands at the end of the evening or allowed a peck on the cheek. That’s all. Never a moment of intimacy like we just shared.”

I saw relief in his eyes, then I saw the shimmer of tears. “I don’t know what you want, I just know I’ve never wanted anyone but you. My faith is who I am though and I won’t abandon my beliefs for you or anyone for that matter. I’m not asking you to pretend something you don’t feel. I know very well how you felt about Jesus then and that is not something I can or will negotiate around. All I’m asking is work with us here, don’t fight against what we believe in. At the end of it, it’s your decision as to what you want. In the mean time let’s get reacquainted, let’s remember the good and forget and forgive the harsh words of the past. We can share a precious memory of our son. Let that memory live. He deserves to be remembered without bitterness.”

He was right, no matter what transpired between us our son deserved to be remembered with love. I nodded okay and he turned to go. I reached out and grabbed his hand. He turned back. I reached up and brushed my fingers through his hair, looked deeply into his eyes and said “I’m sorry…sorry for the cruel words…I can’t take them back, but I have regretted them.” Ty nodded his head brushed hips lips against mine and left.

I climbed in bed, the memory of his kiss warming me from the inside out. I couldn’t believe in God like he did, but just maybe I could try and understand why he did? I didn’t know what would happen but I knew the anger had gone out of me and when I thought about our son I could feel some joy again instead of just abject pain. Just maybe without my intensity I could change his mind!

PERFECTED

Chapter Three

I sipped my coffee and racked my brain. I had about an hour till the meeting with the group. I read post after post on the internet by atheists who refute a belief in God…none of them expressed what I feel. Everything was from a “brainy” aspect. They want to prove and disprove every aspect of something that’s not tangible. I know I’ve felt love but you can’t see that through a microscope or find it in a lab result so how do you know love exists? If I put everything I’ve ever done through that type filter then I wouldn’t have made decisions about my own career that I have. I work with computers but before the contracts are even submitted I go with my gut, if a job didn’t feel right I didn’t bid on it. I had to have feelings about the overall job before I’d throw my hat into the ring. They want every “T” crossed and every “I” dotted when their belief in how we came to be is based on theory not someone’s word but someone’s idea…none of it made sense on either side in my opinion. Where was the evidence that was tangible or concrete for either view?

I had so many feelings this morning. I was nervous about seeing Ty after last night, but excited about finding out more details about this “community” they were building. How in the world did they get that much money from a “donor”. That in itself was a miracle…oh wait…I couldn’t be thinking like that. Miracles don’t happen. I had to be careful expressing myself lest these people get the wrong ideas.

A tap at the door brought some relief from my own confusing thoughts. Rebecca stood there smiling. “Ready?” She asked. I told her I was and she offered to accompany me to the conference room.

“So, did you enjoy dinner last night?” She inquired. “Yes it was amazingly good, or I was amazingly hungry! Either way I enjoyed it.”

“Good, that’s our go to for dining out. We don’t all get to be there every time but we try to get together for fellowship once a month. Eventually we will outgrow their dinning room though. It’s important we stay focused but remain connected to each other.” Her connection to Ty was what I wanted to know about.

“So tell me about how you met Ty.” I probed, but didn’t get much information. “Oh that’s a long story, I’ll have to spend an evening with you and fill you in on that.”

We arrived as others were taking their seats around the table. The model of the complex was now sitting in the center of the large round table closer to where we seated. I was surprised everyone was there, even the new cook.

Ty was in slacks a white shirt and black tie with his lab coat, pockets bulging. He was completely professional. I was a little disappointed that he didn’t greet me personally, rather he greeted us all as a whole and took charge, getting down to business right away.

“In front of you all is a directory sheet, everyone is listed on it to include cell phone numbers and all necessary contact information. What they do here is also listed. Many of us have been together for ten years and others are newer to the project, as we go along you’ll be given updated copies. I’d like to thank my assistant, Alicia, for making this possible and maintaining it as we go forward.” Ty said and gestured toward the gorgeous blonde who was in the chair beside him dressed in scrubs with hearts and ribbons on it. She smiled up at him and tilted her head sideways, acknowledging she was happy to help. No ring on her finger I noticed and from the look of adoration on her face I suspected she had a major crush on my…I caught myself and squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. My what? The door opening as Hank entered brought me back to Ty as he spoke. I had to pay attention not get lost in my own thoughts.

The informational part of the meeting lasted for two hours. I made as many notes as I could but my head was swimming as I tried to keep up. Ty, Rachel, Walt and Tim were the main presenters of the information and I was a bit doubtful in the end that they could pull this off. I had an entire page of questions.

Cook had excused herself thirty minutes before we took a lunch break and right on cue she arrived with lunch. She had three helpers with her and trays of sandwiches and salads, there was a table she uncovered with plates and utensils. She was very organized and lunch was good.

The entire complex appeared to be one large apartment complex but they had divided it into six sections. Section One contained six units per floor, and all sections were three stories high, each section had four buildings. One building in section One was complete and the doctors offices were in them. Section Two incorporated the common areas. That’s where we were. That area made up the conference room, the chapel, and future activity room and future plans for a gym. Section three and four would be resident housing and section five and six would be in-house group members, meaning those that lived here and worked here. There were a total of four hundred and thirty two units. All of which were being completed in phases. 

Rachel, Walt and Tim went over programs they were implementing and Tim said the activity area could be viewed this afternoon. They were expecting four more residents in the next few weeks. The afternoon was addressing individual questions. I was the first to start asking questions.

“Who am I going to work with for completing the computer network?” As I understood it there would be two separate networks, but there would be access points for each section for certain necessary interaction.

“That would be me.” Ty said, but Alicia suggested “I can help with that also if you want me to, I don’t mind taking some of the burden off your shoulders.”

Ty looked at me and said “I appreciate all offers to help, but I know what I want the system to do but have no idea how that’s accomplished. I’m sure once it’s designed by Jennifer and implemented there will have to be training on how to use the system, that’s when I’ll need your help Alicia.” I nodded my head, tactfully he had told her once I was done I’d teach her but until then he wanted to be in on the design and scope of the system.

Alicia followed his gaze, she tried to keep her face neutral but there was a tell tell thinning of her lips as she looked at me. This woman was threatened by my presence. Just how much did she know about who I was? What Ty and I had been?

“Jennifer are you available for dinner tonight? I can fill you in on the things we need and want the system to do.” Ty asked me openly. “Yes, of course” I said feeling a light tingling as my face flushed. Ty grinned, increasing my blush. Very subtle there Tyler, I thought. Just announce we have a working date why don’t you!

As the meeting came to an end Tim lead the way to the Common Activity Room. This was the first time anyone other than Tim had seen it. As you entered the wall to the left the word welcome scrolled across it…the back wall said “All aboard the Ark” there were drawings of animals and photographs of animals. Three apartments had been hollowed out to make three sections of one large room. The first section was devoted to animals, there were paintings of trees with birds in them and the ceiling looked like billowing clouds with feathers intermittently floating in the clouds. It looked so realistic you wanted to reach out and touch the soft feathers. On the floor around the base of the wall were bean bag chairs and in the middle was Noah’s ark. There were figurines and parts all made of wood where the children could place animals and Noah and his family in the Ark. In the corner was a screen where the story of Noah’s Ark could be viewed in an animated story.

The second room was flowers. It was like a living floral garden on the walls in picture form. All that was missing were the scents of the flowers. Tim mentioned that due to possible allergies he had been unable to produce that particular effect. In this room there were building blocks and a planting station where you could pick a small pot, plant a seed, name your pot and put it under the grow lights and watch your own flower grow. The story of creation, from their belief system was in the corner playing in an animated depiction on the screen.

Tim stopped and said “The third section no one has seen yet, if you all don’t mind I’d like for Ty and Jennifer to see it alone first.” The rest of the group nodded their heads and Ty placed his hand at my back as we rounded the corner. This room was no doubt meant to be the heart of TJ’s Haven.

I swallowed hard as the first sight coming into the room was painted bouquets of yellow roses. Petals trailed the wall to a painting of a baby’s hands being held. I recognized it. When TJ came home from the hospital with us Ty’s dad had taken a picture of TJ and in the picture Ty was holding one of his hands and I was holding the other. My breath caught in my throat. Ty grasped my hand. I felt the rush of tears. It was absolutely beautiful. The next wall was my undoing. The wall was the baby picture of TJ that I cherished most. We had taken him to the photographer, he slept peacefully as she photographed him in a large basket with a deep blue baby blanket, a blanket I still had, he was so beautiful but beneath the picture was an arm that took the place of the basket. The arm was dressed in white and the words that trailed from the picture conveyed the story. “My name is TJ, welcome to the Haven of my memory…I’ve gone home to be with Jesus but I’ve left my Haven for you to enjoy and discover where I’ve gone and you can come too…someday.”

The final straw was the plaque on the exit door. It read “This complex is dedicated to the memory of Tyler Jacob Perkins born June twentieth two thousand and four to loving parents Tyler and Jennifer Perkins.”

I cried as Ty guided me back to my apartment. As soon as he closed the door he gathered me in his arms and we both cried. This I realized is how we should have grieved all those years ago, but anger, my anger wouldn’t let me.

I clung to him and had to remind myself we weren’t still married, we both had opposing views on God. As much as I love the memorial to our child, Tyler and I would never work. I couldn’t accept his belief’s for myself. I realized I’d been unfair to him, calling him weak because quite frankly given the obstacles in the current world it took more guts to stand for something fewer and fewer people believed, especially in his scientific circles.

I pulled back as he wiped away his own tears with the back of his hand. A tap on the door made Ty release me as he turned to open the door. I grabbed tissues and blew my nose.

Tim and Holly entered the apartment apologetically as Ty gestured for them to come in. “Was it too much? I’m sorry if you guys want I can change it.” Tim said nervously.

“No, it’s absolutely beautiful. Please don’t change TJ’s room.” I stepped toward Tim and he reciprocated with a quick bear hug. “I’m so glad.” He responded. “I told you” Holly said.

“You are a magnificent artist.” I complimented him. “Thank you, but I’m quite the insecure artist as you can see.” Ty hugged both of them as they left. Alicia called to Ty before he closed the door. “Emergency, they need you at the hospital. A ped’s cardiac case presented in the ER, Doctor on duty requested immediate consult.”

Tyler said, “Gotta go, dinner at seven?” I said yes and he was gone. I looked out the patio doors and they were sprinting for her car no doubt because TJ got in the passenger seat. He was on his cell phone as they sped away.

I spent the rest of the afternoon compiling questions for Ty. I was still waiting an hour after seven. My cell phone rang and Ty started by saying “sorry just got out of surgery, can you come get me?” He gave me the address of the hospital and told me what entrance he would be at. I picked him up twenty minutes later. Since I didn’t know my way around he offered to drive. I suggested we get take out and go back to the apartment. We decided on tacos, chips and dip. He called in the order as I ran into the grocery store and grabbed a gallon of sweet tea. I remembered he liked spice and picked up a few fresh jalapeño peppers. 

We sat at the table and enjoyed the food as I went down my list of question, not all of which were about the system to be installed but about the operating plans. Ty explained that I was seeing the complex operating as a whole, but in fact they were three separate entities. None of which was a tax exempt endeavor. This confused me because it made no sense to me. Tyler began to explain.

“While I understand operating tax free, we don’t want to end up being told, in the end, what we can accept and have limitations put on us. The doctors office complex is just that it’s a group, a pediatric clinic. I’m doing my fellowship here at this hospital and have privileges at two others. All of my patients come to my office for all visits, some are post-operative and some are not. I am a medical doctor but my area of expertise is pediatric cardiothoracic surgery. I get patients from all over. 

All of the doctors on your list are financial contributors to the entire complex. We have private donors to the benevolent care part of the complex. There are still facets we have to figure out, a work in progress so to speak. There’s really only one detail we haven’t quite figured out how to handle.”

“And that is?” I asked. “Food, groceries. I mean what’s the point of having fully functional kitchens and a cook? I mean I think we need a cook, but they can’t be on duty cooking twenty four seven. Then there’s people that will cook for themselves, how do we get groceries to the ones, which is most of them, with no car?” He explained.

“I see what you mean, but I think I could help with that, let me work it up and if you like we can implement that into your network?” I suggested. “Let me ask you this are you allowing the people to order food cart blanche?”

“Good question” he shook his head continuing, “there are people that can cook and there are those that have no idea what good nutrition is plus there will be special dietary restrictions and needs. All of that will fall to Holly, she’s the Nutritionist and Cook, her name is Holly also, so she prefers to be called Cook to avoid confusion. See this is definitely where I falter. Would you sit down with Holly and Cook and brainstorm?” I agreed to do just that and made note in my phone.

“I added it to my to do list and set an alarm to call them in the morning.” I told him, then we cleared the table. 

“Answer a question for me, why set an alarm?” He leaned against the counter as I wiped off the table.

“To remind me tomorrow to call them?” I said, bewildered by the question. “So you expect to be here tomorrow?” He asked and raised his eyebrows. Not understanding why he would asked me that, I hadn’t given him any indication that I wanted to leave. “Of course” I said giggling.

“Doesn’t that take a little faith? The expectation there will be a tomorrow? You have no way to know that for sure.” He shrugged his shoulders. I tried not to smile, I knew what he was getting at.

“Well barring unforeseen complications” I rolled my eyes dramatically, “that’s a pretty reasonable expectation.”

“Okay, but you make plans based on that expectation every day, that’s what my faith in God is to me, the reasonable expectation that should I not see tomorrow here, then I know I will see Jesus.”

“You can’t know that, you might believe that but you could be very wrong.” I responded. Deciding to throw out a challenge. “Tell you what. You compile your reasons for believing in God and I’ll do the opposite. In thirty days we hash it out and give each other a response.”

“Deal, just don’t get mad when you lose.” He chuckled. I put my hand on my hip with mock stubbornness and Ty stood up, the lids of his eyes narrowed and in two steps he was standing inches from me. He lifted his right hand and placed it to the side of my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek. My heart raced and my lips parted waiting for his kiss, but instead of kissing me he groaned.

As he released me he said “Man I wish we were still married, there’s a whole lot more I’d like to do than go back to my empty bed.” His gaze followed my throat down to the top button of my shirt. I was on fire.

“Ugh, okay then, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And with that he side stepped me and exited closing the door softly behind him.

PERFECTED

Chapter Four

I was wide awake when the alarm went off. My conversation…well more than just the conversation had kept me tossing and turning. I slammed my hand down on the off button and told the clock “see, reasonable expectation that I would still be here the next day!” What troubled me most was the fact that Ty and I had kept TJ in the bassinet because of our fear. Every parent does that! If I had only set an alarm to wake me instead of just expecting he would wake up, then just maybe he would still be here and we would still be happily married.

I dressed, made coffee and toast and went over my plans for the day. I pulled an extra tablet out of my supplies. I was going to keep it handy and every time I thought of a reason he couldn’t prove God existed I’d write it down. Maybe if Tyler admitted to himself there was absolutely no proof of a supreme being’s existence then maybe, just maybe he and I…what? What did I expect? The real question was what did I want?

The alarm chimed and I called Holly, the Cook and we settled on Holly’s office in the doctors offices to meet in thirty minutes. As I entered the office sections main lobby I was greeted by Holly.

“Hi, have you seen this part of the complex yet?” She asked and I shook my head no. “We’ll come on I’ll give you the grand tour. On your left is the main waiting area. Patients arrive and check in at the appropriate window. They are given paperwork and it’s returned to the window that displays their doctors name or the service they have an appointment with. As we walked down the hallway the first door was an exit door for patients leaving Tyler’s office. The office to the right had Rebecca’s name on it. We arrived at the elevator and she explained that her office was on the third floor, Jim, Belinda, Peter and the lounge area and vending machines were on the second floor. Arriving on the third floor, Walt and Tim had offices as well.

Her office was an informal setting with a table where she could spread out menu’s and discuss nutrition with families. She was working off of an older computer system that required external drives to maintain memory. That was going to change. She would have a tablet and programs eventually all tied to a main frame that would give her freedom of movement and when not in the office her home tablet would allow her access to the mainframe with her thumbprint. I told her that and she was ecstatic. Cook arrived and we got to work.

We were about to take a break when Ty breezed in. Just days before I was so angry with him for manipulating me, now I was giddy at the sight of him. My treacherous mind went back to when we were first married and the discoveries we made about each other…realizing he had asked me a question and his hand was outstretched toward me brought my thoughts to an abrupt halt…I looked up and said “what?” and felt my face flush yet again. He did that thing with his eyes that said “I know what you were thinking” and tilted his head sideways before repeating his question.

“Would you join me for lunch?” His hand still outstretched. “Oh, yes, of course.” I replied and placed my hand in his. He helped pull out my chair for me to stand up all the while holding my hand in his. I looked at Holly and her lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying over the beat of my own heart. Ty, still had my hand in his and his thumb was making caressing circles on the back of it. I couldn’t think. I pulled my hand away giving him a warning tilt of my head. He knew exactly what he was doing.

I nodded my head encouraging Holly to continue hoping I could figure out the missing pieces. I gathered my note pads and understood that she and I would spend several days together in the coming weeks so she could tweak what I proposed. In the end my design would be explained at the next meeting to everyone before it was settled on.

Ty took my elbow and led me to another apartment, as I suspected this one was his. It was directly behind my own. I had no idea he was on the other side of my bedroom wall. It was almost identical to mine except the furniture consisted of a leather sofa and a massive recliner. A much larger television and instead of a dining room table there was a desk and computer. A small island sat against the wall on wheels with one single bar stool. It said Ty didn’t entertain.

A knock at the door got a satisfied smile out of him as he opened the door greeting the pizza delivery guy.

“I was almost late doc.” The boy said, then placing the pizza on the counter noticed me standing there. “Wow, about time doc, you eat alone too much! Mighty pretty company I might add” he said smiling in my direction. “Why thank you Billy, this is my wi”…Ty caught himself and corrected it…”Jennifer, she will be here a lot from now on, hopefully.”

“Cool beans doc.” Billy offered as Ty tipped him and closed the door behind him.

I ignored his slip of the tongue but it let me know that to him I was still his wife. He flipped open the top pizza and clapped his hands together in delight. That was something I always loved. He took delight in delicious food and expressed it with a little clapping and movement of the feet almost dancing and a delicious bite always got a moan or a yum from Tyler. It was one of those charming boyish qualities I loved about him. I peered into the box and was immediately disappointed.

“Tyler!” I placed an indignant hand on my hip. “Where is the pepperoni? It’s our favorite! What is this?” I stared at him shocked. “Well that is the one thing that’s changed, I don’t eat pork. But I didn’t forget about you.” He explained and pointed to the bottom box. He pulled it out and flipped it open revealing a thick crusted pepperoni pizza. “See, mine is hamburger with onions and bell pepper and it’s delicious, you have to try it.”

“Since when do you not eat pork?” I asked. “Since second year med school. I completely changed my diet and eliminated certain foods.” He clarified leaving me to wonder why.

We ate the pizza sitting on the sofa and discussed my meeting with cook. I asked him to show me where they planned to install the computers main frame and gave him instructions to relay to the HVAC contractor because the computer room would need specific cooling and I suggested generator support. He made notes then checked his watch.

“I’ve got about five minutes and I have to be out that door. Hang on” he said and ran to the bathroom. He came out with freshly brushed teeth. Smiled at me, pulled me to my feet and proceeded to kiss me. It’s was as if he was starving. His kiss deepened and he groaned and gathered me closer. I was reaching for the lapels of his lab coat when he backed away.

“That was the best dessert a man could ask for, I brushed my teeth because of the onion, and I timed it so that I could limit myself. I know how easy it would be to just give in and…but I’m not that kinda guy.”

“Sometimes you can turn off the key but the motor keeps trying to run, it’s resistant to being prematurely shut down when everything was purring along so nicely.” I cautioned as I advanced toward him and he retreated for the door. His back was against the door and I pressed against him. Kissing his throat. He moaned my name and immediately there was a knock on the door. I stepped back, he gathered his composure pulling his lab coat together and buttoning it. I smoothed my hair and collected the pizza boxes as he opened the door. Alicia was on the other side. I shoved the left over pizza in the fridge and listened.

“Did you have lunch?” She asked as she walked through the door. “I grabbed you a sandwich just in case. I didn’t know where you had gotten off to.” She said. She walked to the counter and set the container with the sandwich on it then realized I was in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I had lunch with Jen, but thank you that was thoughtful.” He said. She raised her eyes to mine and if looks could kill I’d have been vaporized on the spot.

He walked around her into the kitchen, deliberately taking my face in his hands and kissed me on the lips then fished in his pocket brought out his keys took the key to his apartment off the key ring and handed it to me. He was facing me when he winked. “I’ll see you tonight baby, fix us something good for dinner, like you used to.”

Alicia abruptly turned away and headed for the door. Ty waited, giving her time to be gone before telling me “I’ve seen the way she has reacted to you being here but I want you to know I have never given her reason to think I was interested in her. There is not one person I associate with that I haven’t explained even though I’m divorced on paper I am not in my mind or my heart. She needed to see this, and I’m not apologetic about this…love…that I have and will always have for you.”

He turned on his heel and left, giving me no opportunity to tell him that I loved him too. Tears were streaming down my face. 

I walked into the bathroom to washed my face. I touched his hairbrush then walked into the bedroom. He was still a bit of a slob, his clothes were thrown at the hamper and his bed was unmade. I made the bed, placing the Bible he had obviously fallen asleep reading on the night stand and saw the photos. Several of me and one of all three of us. I was in Tyler’s arms and our two month old son was cradled against both of us. I’d been such a fool. I had shut Ty out, I’d shut God out knowing that would push Ty away. I knew him! I knew who he was. Once and for all I knew I had to find out for myself if God was real, our future depended on it.

I called Holly on my way back to the apartment and asked her about the pork issue. I told her I wanted to fix spaghetti for dinner, that was Tyler’s favorite but I’d always used Italian sausage. She invited me to join her and Cook, they were going grocery shopping. I agreed happily. We took the truck shopping. Naturally I had questions and we got a glass of tea at the deli and I got some of those answers.

“We don’t eat anything that’s Biblically not pure. In other words if it has split hooves but doesn’t chew the cud you don’t eat it, if it has fins and scales you can eat it. If it’s a scavenger like a buzzard or catfish or lobster and shrimp you don’t eat it. We eat only birds that have a crop like chicken, quail and turkey. We believe it’s for our health that God said don’t eat certain meats. Just read Leviticus chapter eleven. We don’t judge others by what they eat, we simply believe not eating what our Maker said is unclean is because He knows the machine He made better than anyone else and knows how it functions best with the right fuel. Cows for example have three chambers their food passes through before it reaches the stomach, chickens have a second chamber after the stomach whereas pigs have a single stomach.”

“What’s wrong with shrimp?” I asked. Her answer was easy to visualize. “Equate eating shrimp or catfish with the sucker fish in your aquarium. What’s the diet of that sucker fish? It eats the scum and the poop of the other fish and the fish that decay after death.” 

“Eww”. I said and Holly and Cook enjoyed my scrunched up face. “I totally get the picture.” 

Cook helped me pick out a nice French bread and showed me ground Turkey and how to season it like sausage and had the butcher grind some nice chuck to compliment the ground Turkey explaining that turkey was fat free. I gathered fresh vegetables for our salad and seasonings. I made dinner and Tyler arrived just after six.

He sat down and pulled off his shoes, coat and tie. He came into the kitchen and as I was slicing the bread wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my neck. I laid down the knife and turned to face him. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed the side of my face against his chest. We just stood there leaning into each other. Finally he remarked that the food smelled good and I heard his stomach growl. 

“Go on, sit down, I’ll fix you a plate.” He did as instructed. Being the mischievous person that I was I waited until he had a mouthful of spaghetti before saying, “I’m glad you still like Italian sausage.” His immediate reaction was priceless. His jaws went slack, his mouth gaped open and he looked like I had just poisoned him. He jumped up, no doubt heading for the trash can to spit it out when I grabbed his arm. I could only shake my head no because I was laughing so hard. He sat back down with his mouth full refusing to swallow as my hysteria subsided. He couldn’t speak because of the food in his mouth, all he could do was point toward his mouth and raise his eyebrows. I finally managed to say “turkey” and he slumped in relief and resumed chewing.

Once he managed to swallow he picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth nodding his head then saying “okay, so you think that’s funny do you? Go ahead, get it all out of your system.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. I laughed so hard it hurt, made an attempt at apologizing then we resumed eating.

After dinner I made coffee and I heard Ty talking to someone on the phone. When I sat his coffee down on the table he reached up and pulled me down beside him, said “hang on” then put his phone on speaker.

“Alicia, you still there?” He said, his voice monotone. “Yes I’m here” she replied, her voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry your feelings are hurt Alicia, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” There was a question in my eyes as I looked into his as to what ‘this’ was until she resumed speaking.

“Look Tyler, I’ve worked with you for eight years. I’ve put my life on hold hoping that you would see me and forget about her. Obviously you can’t let go of your past with her. I’ve been silent about my love for you all these years, but I can’t do that anymore. Tell me Tyler do you still love her? I mean any time you’ve mentioned her or said her name I could see your pain. She’s not worth it Tyler. She’s reasonably attractive, but eight years? Is she worth eight years of pain?”

I stuck my tongue out at the phone. “Reasonably attractive? What does that even mean?” I thought. Tyler shook his head at me, extended his free arm across my shoulders and brought me closer to his side on the sofa.

“She is worth a lifetime to me. I’ve never given you any reason to think I thought anything more of our relationship than two professionals who became friends. Now I’m sorry you got the impression that I was trying to get over my wife. Nothing could be farther from the truth, I love Jen, I will always love Jen. Now that I know how you feel I think it’s best we terminate our association.” He said without hesitation.

“Seriously? You think I’m that easy to replace?” She was mad now, beyond hurt, she was downright mad. “Then go ahead and try, consider this my two week notice.” She threatened him.

Tyler sat up straighter, he was angry now. “You know what Alicia, you take these next two weeks of your notice with pay, consider it two weeks severance and don’t come back. I can’t work with this situation so your employment here is terminated, I’ll give you a good reference but our working relationship has come to an end and I’ll expect your key to the offices, your cell phone and your gas card to be surrendered to Aaron or Lisa by five P.M. tomorrow, your services are no longer needed.” He informed her.

“Okay Tyler, if that’s the way you want it, but don’t expect me to come back when she abandons you again.” She yelled through the phone.

“.Good, then there’s only one last thing I need to say to you.”

“What’s that?” She asked crying loudly.

“The name isn’t Tyler to you, it’s Doctor Perkins, and her name is Jennifer Perkins not ‘her’ to you!” He raised his voice just loud enough to let her know he had already closed the door on any future friendship or possible working relationship. He hung up without waiting for a response.

He squeezed me tighter and I molded myself to his side. He used one hand to call Aaron. He told him he had just fired Alicia without explaining why and asked if he or Lisa could fill in for the next few weeks. Aaron said he would love to and rather than just fill in he would like Alicia’s job. This made Tyler happy and his mood lightened immediately. Gone was his boss like demeanor and cuddly Tyler returned.

“Oh Ty, I’m sorry.” I said, lowering my eyes. Not only had I made him suffer for years now I had disrupted his work.

“Hey now, don’t be. Everything is fine, Aaron and I work well together, in fact it will be much easier. When we travel together we can just be guys. It’s much easier, trust me. Alicia is a great nurse but it’s awkward, having to go out to dinner, not allowing her in my room after six, things like that. I had rules that I don’t have to enforce with a male nurse. Aaron will find his replacement in the clinic.” He placed his hand under my chin lifted my face and kissed the tip of my nose. That was trade mark Tyler. He would kiss the tip of my nose to show he cared about my feelings.

I leaned into him and kissed him, he returned my kiss tenderly then it deepened. He groaned my name. I slid my hand down his neck and savored the touch of his skin. He captured my exploring hand in his and lifted his face away from me. I looked up at him questioning his withdrawal. He knew the question I was asking and what I wanted.

“We can’t. I love you and God knows I want you but I can’t spend the rest of my life with doubt. I’d rather live alone, or as jealous of you as I am I’d rather you move on and give me the Biblical reason to emotionally divorce you and actually move on with my life. I kept up with you, through your Mom and through Marjorie and Buster. I knew there was never a constant man in your life, so I made up my mind I’d believe there were no casual hook ups and time would bring us back together. That we were meant to be. I have a devout faith, and that will never change. I’m willing to wait, to give you time to evaluate what you really believe. Learn what we, this group of people here, know to be truth. Then, without spouting nonsense you parrot from some atheistic website, you can be convinced of what you believe in your heart. Until then it’s just make out sessions”…when he said that I leaned over him and trailed kisses across his jaw and down his neck running my fingers through his hair…”within limits” he said dragging his breath in harshly. “I’m a man and there’s only so much I can take and be able to walk out of here.” His voice deepened and his eyes flashed with desire. He stood up abruptly, took in deep breaths as he walked into the kitchen to get a fresh cup of coffee since his had grown cold. 

I didn’t like it, not one bit. I wanted him and I wanted all of him. For a minute it felt like emotional blackmail, but wasn’t that what I’d done to him twenty years ago? Hadn’t I called him weak? Told him I couldn’t live with his belief in God? Now the tables had turned, he refused to live with me and my unbelief. I could continue with my plan to change his mind but that was obviously futile so what choice did I have? If I wanted this man, and I did, then I needed to listen to these people. I needed to find out if I thought they had truly found a tangible faith or were just a bunch of crack pots. What harm could it do? After all these people appeared to be genuinely happy and the most giving respectful people I’d ever met.

He came back into the room. I stood up and took the steaming cup from his lips. He complained saying “hey now!” I placed my fingers against his lips, sat the coffee cup down and looked him in the eye.

“Okay, twenty years ago I made a decision about what I believed out of pain and loss. I’ve forced you to live with that decision and not for the first time in those twenty years have I given thought to what I decided was truth. I’m not convinced just because you say so, nor am I being driven by just my desire for you. I’m willing to hear all of you out. If you think you can truly prove to me, not just get me to trust what you believe and go along then I’m ready for this exploration. If your God exists then show me. No more attitude, no more smart quips to belittle what you believe. I’m ready to listen, I’m ready to understand how a group of scientist believe as you all do whole heartedly. Let class begin.” I challenged.

He enveloped me so tightly in his arms I could barely breathe. I could feel his heart pounding against his chest as he kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair with one hand his arm crushing me to him across my back. His lashes were darkened from the wet tears as he pulled back and lifted my chin. Placing a kiss on the tip of my nose he said “with pleasure my love”.

PERFECTED

Chapter Five

Tyler left late, we had spent the next few hours talking about how this group came to be. It was crazy, none of them went to med school together. It was at a medical convention that he met Walt and Rebecca and friendship blossomed. He said Walt was a born teacher, when he started talking about human cells and DNA he was captivated. Rebecca was sixteen years younger than Walt but you’d never question that once you watched them together. It was more than love, it was respect and admiration. Walt had a brilliant mind and the size of his heart for people was not eclipsed by his brilliance it actually enhanced his humility. They had all been drawn to various members of this group who finally came together during Christmas break one year.

Tyler said he lived seven years of his residency in a three hundred square foot apartment. His bathroom was the size of a single closet. His fridge was a mini with a board on top of it for a table to eat off of and study on. His bed was a love seat. His clothes were packed in totes and he washed the two pans he owned in the bathroom. It was cheap and he saved every dime he made. What his scholarships and his parents hadn’t covered of his student loans he paid off and he owned fifty percent of this complex, the rest had been given through private donation and the other four doctors in the group.

I thought about that for hours before falling asleep. How deeply he and the others must believe amazed me. These people were well off, they could have anything money could buy yet they lived modestly in one bedroom apartments, contributed sixty percent or more of their salaries to this cause. Why? I couldn’t say nobody does that because they did. I was right smack dab in the middle of it!

The next morning Rebecca called and asked me to lunch, I told her I hadn’t heard from Tyler so I didn’t have any plans yet, she informed me that he was actually in surgery and “wanted me to tell you he’d see you tonight, but I thought lunch, just you and I would be nice”.

Lunch was pleasant, but it was towards the end that I fully came to appreciate how dedicated she and Walt were to this project.

“So Jennifer are you in a hurry to get back or would you care to join me? I have to go shopping for our son.” She said casually. I didn’t know why I was surprised, I just was and I told her so.

“Well it’s a bit different than you might think, our children are actually adults. We have six so far.” She laughed openly at the confusion on my face. “I’ll explain while we shop?” She suggested, and I was intrigued. Since we’d had lunch across from the mall we walked over and she explained.

“I’m forty two, Walt is fifty eight. We met when I was thirty. I’d had cancer as a teenager that resulted in a complete radical hysterectomy. There would be no children so I threw myself into my studies and married my career until one day I went to a lecture on molecular biology. It turned out that the man of my dreams, Walt, was the lecturer. He was sixteen years my senior, the cutest most articulate man I’d ever laid eyes on. As we got to know one another via long distance communication I learned he was unmarried because he couldn’t have children and thought that would deprive someone who had the misfortune of falling in love with him from a part of happiness they might come to resent.” This was something I could understand. I myself was afraid, afraid that I had caused a genetic malfunction so to speak that resulted in TJ’s death. I couldn’t risk that happening again.

“That was the day I set my cap…so to speak…for Walt. I went full head on ‘in hot pursuit’. I won!” She said and raised both arms in celebration. “We got married six months later. I accepted a fellowship here and Walt quit his job at the Research institute, he is now semi-retired, he works two days a week at the independent Lab here and two days at the youth center. He loves it. It’s through his work we’ve met our adult children. We have four girls and two boys. They were aged out in foster care. It’s a flawed system. There are kids that age out and have no where to go. They can go to college because of grants but where do they live? That’s not provided, room and board, so we adopted them. We help them with housing and living expenses, clothes…a reliable mode of transportation. We cover them with medical insurance and most of all we love them. So far they have all adopted our last name.”

I stopped walking. I was moved to tears. I couldn’t help myself I wrapped my arms around her neck and sobbed. How generous can two people be? Where does that much kindness and love even come from? I expressed exactly that to her, she pulled back looked me in the eye took both my hands and simply said “The love of God.”

She turned and held my hand as we walked into the mall. Her demeanor said it all, no sermon, just facts ma’am. We went into the restroom so I could wash my face, my nose was snotty and my face was streaked with tears. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and realized there weren’t people like this in my life, in my circles, because I’d effectively closed myself off from anyone that was openly religious. I mean I had friends, but not lasting friendships. These people were an oddity. I felt guilty, I’d distanced myself from my own siblings mainly because of their optimistic, relentless faith. I didn’t like my reflection, every scenario in my life seemed to point at me as the bad guy.

She was shopping for jeans, she said Davey wouldn’t say it but she noticed all his jeans were getting very raggedy. He lived now with his adopted brother Hank who had graduated and was working as an apprentice to become a master plumber. Hank wouldn’t let us pay the rent for him any longer but he would let us pay the utility bills until Davey graduated. They were absolutely amazing I thought. She left the store with four pairs of jeans…that was another question I’d always had, if you pulled your pants on and they were denim, being sewn together just like your shirt -singular-why were they called a pair? It just didn’t make sense is all! You have two legs you don’t call them your pair of legs! You just say legs! If you bought four pair of jeans wouldn’t that be eight jeans? It was just too much…and four new shirts.

When we got back to the office I collected more information about the needs of the system, specifically how many old computers the office had and what system they were currently using and emailed my crew. I would have a rough draft in a few days and be able to predict the final cost more depending on whether they chose in house IT or through a firm that would be long distance.

Tyler called me just as I was leaving. He said they were grilling tonight since it was Friday and asked if I was okay joining the others before he committed. I agreed and he said he’d be at my door in about an hour.

There was an area for a play ground next to the living area of the complex. It had a small pavilion and they had a fire pit going and a pellet grill. Burgers were already sizzling on the grill and Cook had a tray with all the fixings including chips and dips. A cooler filled with soft drinks and Peter was strumming his guitar. The sun was setting.

It took me all of thirty seconds to realize this was their form of worship. Jim began with prayer then they sang some old hymns and some I’d never heard before. Jim had a deep voice and when he sang about a long back train I thoroughly enjoyed it. His wife Belinda was in perfect harmony with him. 

It was an interesting evening. I spoke with Walt and asked him about his office here and if there were any specific needs he had, he told me he was basically working on lecture materials and was in the process of making a space in the area of the common activity room that would be a walk through and would love for me to see it so I could offer my thoughts. I asked him when and he said tomorrow evening would be good.

Lisa was actually Aaron’s daughter and she was a nurse in Rebecca’s office. Her husband was Hank, the security guy. I found out that she was tutoring the sick little girls mother. They were helping her get her GED and decide on a career path. Just when I thought they couldn’t surprise me they passed the proverbial hat. It was essentially a piece of paper they passed around. I watched them literally pass this piece of paper stapled to an envelope with a pen. When it got to me I saw two names at the top. The little girls name and her mothers. I leaned over to Ty and “whispered what’s this for”? He said “a used car”. Then I understood. Some didn’t have cash on them so they’d write a pledge down, others who had cash or a check would put it in the envelope. So when they said they wanted to help people they truly meant they wanted to set them back on their feet, solidly, not just a hand out. They wanted them to be able to care for themselves.

No wonder companies that didn’t want just a tax write off were donating to this endeavor. They didn’t stop at just a hand out, they wanted to change the course of these peoples lives, people who have seen tragedies and lived nightmares would be given a chance to heal and not only stand upright without holding on till the next storm knocked them down, they would be able to walk with confidence.

Ty walked me back to the apartment and came in for coffee. We curled up on the sofa and talked for a bit then I realized he had fallen asleep. I took the opportunity to watch him. He was so very handsome. I wanted to trace the outline of his features with my fingers but I didn’t want to wake him. Instead I closed my eyes and snuggled closer. I’d missed this.

Ty’s phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He stirred and pulled it out. I sat up giving him a questioning look as he talked. He became very serious, his face was no longer relaxed. His next words alarmed me.

“Ok, how long?” He asked and listened intently then checked his wrist watch verifying what was being told to him by the voice over the phone. When he hung up the phone he immediately called Aaron. My breath caught at his next words. “Call the hospital book an OR we have a heart. We need to move her to the hospital and get her prepped, ETA is two hours.”

“I have to go, would you mind telling her mother in person that the ambulance will be here in about fifteen minutes?” He asked. I slipped my shoes on and followed him out the door. Aaron and Molly were running toward their car. Aaron had his cell phone to his ear. Molly waved to Ty to come with them. He kissed me on the cheek and said he’d call me tomorrow.

I arrived at their door and knocked. When she answered the door I blurted out the information and she began to cry then left the door open as she ran into the bedroom and gathered her things. She had been ready in case this moment arrived. She kissed her daughter and told her the news. The ambulance arrived and within minutes they were on their way. I wanted to go sit with the child’s mother but I had no idea where to go. Jim and Belinda as well as Peter and his wife Donna came walking out of the main corridor. They asked if the ambulance had come and I told them yes it had. They were going to the hospital and I asked if I could come. At their urging I hurried to my apartment, grabbed my purse and a jacket they said it would be cold in the hospital.

Once we arrived they took the elevator to the third floor and headed for the cardiac care unit waiting room. It was late and there weren’t but a few people in there. Donna went to the table where the coffee maker was and started a pot of coffee. They told me it would be a few minutes before the mother of the child would be out here. They would ask her to step out while they prepped the child for surgery but that Molly would stay with the her the entire time.

When the girls mother came through the double doors they engulfed her in their embrace forming a circle around her. They bowed their heads and the words Peter spoke gave me chills.

“Father, give us strength, and guide the surgeons hands. Please comfort the family suffering the loss of their child. Bless them for the love they have shared in their deepest period of grief. Heal their hearts, give them Your peace and comfort knowing their child rests in Your arms. Calm the fears of our little girl and her mother knowing that all perfect gifts come from You. We pray all these things in the name of Jesus.” The group, including the mother said Amen.

My thoughts went to Tyler. He was the surgeon they prayed for, as well as those harvesting the organs. It had been about an hour and a half and the elevator doors opened a man carrying a cooler stepped off the elevator flanked by police officers. The cooler had the words human organs in red on the side of it. The double doors to the surgery area opened and Aaron stepped through them waved at the girls mother to follow him. She was about to kiss her daughter for the last time with her dying heart in her chest. The next time she saw her she would have a new heart.

My own heart was aching. Aching for the mother who had lost her child. I knew that agony. Aching also for this mother that was suspended between a good outcome for her daughter and the possibility of never seeing her alive again. This was horrible I thought. I was wiping my tears when the double doors opened again. The mother was beside her child that was so very pale and weak. Aaron and Molly were at the foot of the stretcher. I heard Ty’s voice then saw him embrace the girls mother. He released her and faced the open door, in his blue scrubs with a cap covering his head. His eyes searched until they found mine. His face confirmed he knew exactly what I was feeling. He took a small step toward the door and said “I love you Jen.”

This time I got the chance to say “And I love you Tyler.” He managed a half smile that said he would love to hug me and I blew him a kiss. With that he stepped back, the mother came through the doors and was immediately surrounded by the rest of the group. As the doors closed I saw Ty take the little girls hand in his and heard him start singing Jesus loves me…then the doors closed and I wished that I had their faith! I wished that I believed! How comforting that must be. But then I wondered how they assimilated a bad outcome. If this little girl dies then there’s two deaths that if God was real couldn’t he have prevented either situation? I could understand dying of old age, but kids? Young parents? If God is who they believe him to be then why allow any of this to happen?

At intervals over the next four hours Molly would come out and let the girls mother know everything was going smoothly and her vital signs were good. The last time she came out she said the heart was functioning well and Doctor Perkins was about to close. It had been almost four hours since surgery began.

PERFECTED

Chapter Six

My head was swimming with thoughts, mostly about all the bad things in this world. It wasn’t safe to let your kids walk down to the park anymore. Parents and teachers were at odds over what children should be taught. Walking through the mall parking lot at night was too dangerous to do alone, not to mention going to the ATM.

How could a God that’s love allow a child to die and another one to live? It didn’t make sense. How could a mother hurt their own children? Yet you heard about it all the time. Babies die sleeping next to their mothers.

I was sitting in the chair gripping the arms of it staring at the floor. I couldn’t understand it, I just couldn’t. Where was this love that Rebecca attributed to her and Walt adopting eighteen year olds? If I saw a child in the road and a car was coming I’d run to save the child. If God knows everything then he could stop it before it happened, couldn’t he save them from disease, from painful death. All these thoughts scared me. There was nothing I wanted more than Tyler. I could try and fake it, say I believed when I didn’t, but he would know and I’d lose him forever. What was I going to do?

The double doors opened and Tyler and Aaron came walking out, smiles on their faces. Tyler told the girls mother she was doing fine. She was still in recovery and Molly would come get her as soon as she was in her CCU room. She thanked him and his attention fixed on me, one glance told him I was about to have a melt down.

He walked over to me took both my hands and led me into the bathroom just across from the waiting room. Once inside he locked the door and took me in his arms. I sobbed and let it all out, every single thought and fear I’d had and ended with my gut wrenching confession. “I pushed you away twenty years ago and now I just want to chain you to me. I can’t breathe at the thought of you with someone else. I’m so desperate for your touch, like it used to be, your body against my body and nothing in between. I’m falling apart, if you leave me I’ll die from the inside out.”

He held me and stroked my hair. He kissed my face and finally my lips. Once my hysteria subsided he spoke, his chest vibrating with each word. I refused to raise my head from his chest, I needed that contact.

“Jen, I’m not going anywhere. If I have to keep things just the way they are between us for the rest of our lives then so be it. I’ll wait until I die, there will never be anyone but you for me I promise you that. I have waited all these years and I’ve kept the faith. You being here in my arms, talking about your doubts, fears and confusion is an answer to my prayers. Here’s my dilemma, legally I’m not married to you and to make love to you, no matter how bad my body wants to, would make me sin.” I started to protest but he continued. “That’s what the Bible says. See for me the original text of the Bible is translatable, not open for interpretation. I take what it says as Gospel” he said shrugging his shoulders before continuing.

“The original word, the language, and its meaning in the Hebrew, the Aramaic and the Greek language I can look up in an interlinear Bible website. Then I can research the customs of those times and know exactly what it means. What I can’t do is interpret it to make it fit whatever I want to do at the time. I’m not one of those people that say well I think it means this or that. Context, what each verse means, has to be the same no matter which translation it is or I don’t trust that translation. I don’t want anyone to interpret it for me, I have a brain and if I’m not lazy I can look it up online for free and know for myself. I believe every word that’s in that Bible and I can’t do what it says I shouldn’t do, in fact I won’t do it. If you never see Jesus then it will break my heart, but I will never give up on you, I’ll never walk away from you. I’ll hold to my faith, continue as we are, and pray for the day I can stand before God and marry you again but I can’t marry an unbeliever, that is called “unequally yoked”. So trust me I’m not about to leave you, I’m gonna continue to believe you’ll have that one moment where it all falls into place and you know who God is, and once you really know you can’t live without him.”

I leaned my head back and looked up at him. He took my face between his palms and kissed my forehead. Then teased me “I’d kiss them lips but you nose be snotty. Go wash your face.”

I did as I was told then turned and looked at him. He raised his hand crooked his finger at me and again I obeyed and was rewarded with a delicious kiss. He told me it would be several more hours before he could leave and told me to go home and get some sleep he’d call me tomorrow.

We exited the bathroom, Rebecca and Walt, Jim and Belinda, Peter and Donna, Holly and Tim, Lisa and Hank were all sitting there staring at the bathroom door. I flushed crimson and stepped behind Tyler. Peter cleared his throat and said “good make out session guys?” I was mortified! I bet they heard every word.

Tyler being Tyler said “hey now, that’s for us to know and you to find out…but” and he shrugged his shoulders and said “yum!” They all burst into laughter. Tyler turned around, looked at my open mouth and wide eyes and shrugged saying “babe we’re Christian’s but we’re not dead!” All I could do was clamp my mouth shut and nod my head. It was as if they were all brothers and sisters. They joked and teased one another playfully and they truly loved each other. It was so nice I thought.

I rode back with Lisa and Frank. Took a quick shower and fell into bed. I turned off the light and did something I hadn’t done since I was a teenager. I prayed. “God, if you’re real show me. I mean, I don’t need thunder or lightening or angels appearing, but that might help, if not then you find a way to let me believe. I mean if you’re God then you can do that right? Thanks, goodnight.”

I slept hard, I woke up looked at the clock and was shocked. It was ten o’clock in the morning. I grabbed my cell phone, Ty hadn’t called or texted. I looked at the wall and thought why not? I pressed my ear to it and listened…nothing. I was still pressed against it listening intently when Tyler came up beside me pressed his ear to the wall, his face towards me and said “rats? Do you hear rodents in the wall?”

I smacked him on the arm and said “Tyler Vincent! Your the sneaky rat!” He laughed uproariously! “How did you get in here?” I demanded. He replied still teasing me. “Oh it was brilliant on my part. I turned the knob and walked in. Because you didn’t lock the door.” He smirked at me.

“Seriously?” I asked and he nodded. “I must have been really tired, and to think you could have walked in on me last night in the shower.” I said provocatively.

He straightened up and headed for the door. “I’ll let you get dressed, doughnuts on the counter. I’ll start the coffee.” Without a backward glance he closed the bedroom door.

We had breakfast on the patio and he filled me in on the little girls condition. He had left the hospital about two hours after I did. He laid down around five then made rounds at eight. When he got here he waited till he heard me stir before peeking in on me.

I suggested we retire to the sofa for a lazy day. He was all for that. We started out sitting on the sofa then before long he was stretched out and I was beside him my head on his chest. The steady rhythm of his breathing told me he was asleep. I closed my eyes and snuggled deeper into him and fell asleep. When I woke up the sun was going down and Ty was rubbing my back. I kissed his chin and remembered I was supposed to meet Walt. I told Tyler. He called him and said I’d reschedule.

“I’m hungry. I need to run by the hospital, want to come with me? Then I’ll take you to dinner” he suggested.

I slipped on my shoes, brushed my teeth and hair and waited for him to go to his apartment and do the same thing. We arrived at the hospital as Holly and Cook were leaving. They had brought dinner to the little girls mother. Ty took my hand in his, as we walked through the corridors of the hospital I saw the female staff nudge one another and nod in our direction. There were shocked faces and there were definitely females who had disappointment in their eyes. I now knew my Tyler had been viewed as the most eligible bachelor here.

“You are breaking some hearts by holding my hand Doctor Perkins” I whispered. “Good, now they have a face to associate with the wedding band.” He said and tightened his grip on my hand. Once he had gone over her chart, spoken to the little girl and her mother we were on our way to dinner.

As we ate I decided to ask him some questions. Tyler and I had met each other at church camp. His faith had deepened, he was as devout as anyone I had ever met and I wanted to know how that came to be.

“My grade point average was perfect and my MCAT score was 522. I got accepted into Harvard and had several large scholarships. I chose the Pathways program that starts you in case based studies right out of the box almost. I met an atheist that challenged me to defend my faith. After you left I was lost. I’d lost everything I cared about and loved. I threw myself into my studies and I decided I wanted to make a difference, I didn’t want to be a family practitioner. I wanted to help save children so I decided I’d become a pediatrician. I already believed in God. I considered myself a Christian but when it came down to it all I knew were the basics…the David and Goliath story, the Jonah and the whale stuff. So I set about discovering what I didn’t know. The more I studied it the more amazing the Bible became and then I started learning Jewish customs and I could see the things I hadn’t understood before. My devotions deepened, my love for God grew and soon I found I could respond to the atheist and defend my faith quite well.”

I absorbed every word he said. Maybe that’s what I needed to do? Maybe I needed to get a Bible and let this group of people teach me how to research it. I could then read it for myself and not get someone else’s opinion. Learn what the context as Tyler had said was then maybe a picture of their God would come into view.

PERFECTED

Chapter Seven

Dinner was over and we strolled leisurely to the car. When Ty opened the car door for me, I thanked him and asked for a side trip on the way home.

“Can we go shopping?” I peered up into his face when he answered me with “Of course we can, what do you need?”

“I need a Bible.” His eyes lit up like a little boy you had just offered a triple scoop chocolate sundae to. His voice though was thick with emotion as he said “Baby I’d buy you ten Bibles.” He cupped my face with his hands kissed the tip of my nose and said “Let’s go!”.

Naturally he took me to a Christian bookstore. He went straight to the section the Bible’s were in. No doubt he had been here many times. There were so many Bibles I was overwhelmed. He went back to the front and came back with two shopping baskets. I watched him be very selective, he knew exactly what he was looking for. When he was finished I had three Bibles, an interlinear Bible, a book about archeology and some kinda of history book plus tabs for all the Bible’s.

He purchased the books and made me stop in front of the store. He reached in the shopping bag and came out with the large leather bound Bible then sat the bags containing the other books at my feet. Placing the Bible in my arms he instructed me to hold it across my chest where the words Holy Bible were visible. I did as instructed and he raised his cell phone and took a picture if me holding my new Bible then came around behind me bent his knees so his head would be in the shot and took a selfie!

“This is an important day and I wanted to have this memory!” He was almost giddy with excitement! He started fiddling with his phone and within thirty seconds my phone notified me I had a message! I passed the Bible back to him and retrieved my phone from my purse. He had sent a text message to the entire group of friends with the picture of us and the Bible.

I laughed and saved the picture. As we were heading back to the apartment those in the group text started responding. They were all excited then Rebecca asked where we were now I answered almost home.

The squealing of tires as brakes were applied registered. I looked at Ty wide eyed as he turned his face toward me unfastened his seat belt and leaned his body across mine. The impact was horrendous as the semi hit between the drivers door and the front fender of the car. The frame twisted and we began to roll. I remained held by the seat belt and the ferocious grip Tyler had on the seat as his body shielded mine. We finally came to a stop, broken glass was everywhere. Tyler was now limp across my body. There was a large metal object lodged against his upper body. I screamed his name but he didn’t respond. I could barely breathe, the weight of him and the locked seat belt were crushing me. I couldn’t even move my legs. I stopped struggling afraid that movement would harm Tyler more. I heard the sirens as I tried to listen for Tyler’s breathing.

It took the firemen a very long time to cut the wreckage from around us. Tyler was alive but unconscious. The object that was pinning his upper body to me was the front bumper of the semi truck. Once they got him out of the wreckage he was placed in a waiting helicopter and they took off. 

The team working to free me were amazed they could only find superficial cuts and bruises. My face, arms and chest were covered in blood, most of it being Tyler’s blood. I began to panic. Trying to distract me they started asking me questions about Tyler, what his name was, questions about his health, any medications and finally his next of kin. I told them I was his wife, because in both our hearts that was the truth.

They were loading me in the ambulance when a fireman approached and handed the ambulance crew both our cell phones. I told them to call Rebecca, and  listened as the Paramedic told her she was with me at the scene of an auto accident and they were taking me to the University Hospital emergency room. She paused and then said yes, “Dr. Perkins has been airlifted from the scene.” Within minutes we were screaming toward the hospital. They pulled me from the ambulance and into a hallway. A nurse began to talk with the ambulance crew. I repeatedly asked about Tyler, finally a nurse took my hand and assured me he was receiving the best of care and she would update me on my husbands condition as soon as she could. They took my information and told me they were taking me for a cat scan, my vital signs were good and they couldn’t find any major injuries but to be on the safe side they wanted to take a deeper look before removing me from the backboard.

When the cat scan was complete a nurse informed me my CT was clear and she began removing the collar around my neck and the straps that held me still. The door opened and Rebecca, Lisa, Belinda and Donna entered the room. The nurse knew them all naturally. She said she needed to get me undressed and into a hospital gown and clean and dress my cuts. They took over, telling her they were not leaving me.

I was cradled against them as they undressed me and bathed me, washing the blood away and removing the shards of glass. Then once satisfied they put the gown on me. My legs were bruised and the deepest cut was a long gash down the length of my right leg. There were several cuts to both arms that required nothing more than super glue, but a cut above my right eye would require several stitches at one point Rebecca took out her phone and asked for a Doctor Oliver to come to my room. I looked at her inquiring who Doctor Oliver was and she said a plastic surgeon. She would suture my leg and my face.

“I have to know about Tyler!” I pleaded.

“Aaron, Pete and Jim are in the trauma room with him. They will come tell us as soon as they can.” Donna said then she said “Ladies, let’s do what we know works”. With that they reached across to each other held hands forming a circle around me and began to pray. Rebecca began and then all four prayed at the same time. I felt relieved. The fear that was threatening to manifest in uncontrolled panic began to subside. Their faith was tangible I thought. My heart beat slowed down, my breathing came easier and the fog in my brain began to clear. Somewhere deep inside I knew that God was listening. I couldn’t for the life of me explain what I felt or how I knew, but I knew.

With a quick tap on the door the Trauma doctor flanked by Pete and Jim entered the room. His face was stern and I braced myself.

“Mrs. Perkins I’m Dr. Lee. Your husband remains unconscious at this time, the object that struck the back of his head caused a great deal of swelling to the base of his skull and his upper spine. We are monitoring him closely and would like to be prepared in case he develops signs of swelling to his brain. I have paperwork here giving us permission to put in a shunt to relieve that pressure should it increase significantly. His right clavicle is broken as well as four ribs on that same side. Amazingly no fractures to his legs, only bruising. Tyler is a colleague and I consider him a friend. He has suffered a profound trauma. It may be days before we know the full extent of his injuries. Due to the severity of the impact and subsequent rotations of the vehicle it’s a miracle he, as well as yourself, lived through it.” He paused briefly checked his notes then continued.

“The driver of the semi truck we believe suffered a medical event and was unconscious himself until just seconds before impact. He is in stable condition and has asked for updates on you and your husbands conditions. We have listed his name here and would need your permission to share any information with him.” He held out the clip board and I signed the permission for the emergency treatment for Ty and the sharing of information.

I was agitated by the time the plastic surgeon had closed my wounds and Lisa had bandaged all my cuts. It had been almost four hours since the Trauma surgeon had updated me, and Tyler had already been in ICU for three hours. Finally, Jim came through the door with a wheelchair and I was officially released from the emergency room.

They took me upstairs to see Tyler. As Jim wheeled me in through the double doors of the ICU I was shocked to see Alicia in scrubs talking to Dr. Lee.

“What is she doing here?” Alicia asked gesturing toward me. “Alicia, this is Dr. Perkins wife.” He stated furrowing his forehead obviously confused by her question.

“No sir! She is not! They’ve been divorced for more than ten years. She most definitely is not his wife. As soon as I heard about the crash I called his parents, they should be here…she glanced at her wristwatch…any minute. They are coming from Dallas. She shouldn’t even be in here.”

Jim raised his voice. “Excuse me, Alicia you are out of line. You have no right…”

She cut him off. “Don’t listen to him, he is part of their little cult they are building. Now I don’t know what’s going on but this is a major liability for this hospital! She has misrepresented her relationship with Tyler and given permission for treatment and release of personal information when she has no legal rights to do so!”

Alicia glared at me and the Doctor looked totally confused. He crossed his arms over his chest and addressed her.

“I’ve known Tyler for years. He himself has spoken of his wife on several occasions. Never once has he ever divulged he was divorced.”

“He is not married to this woman! I worked for him, very closely, for eight years. Trust me, we were very close, they are not married.” She alluded to an intimacy that Tyler shared with her.

Jim said. “That’s a lie, Tyler fired her last week. Now I realize why. She has manufactured a relationship that does not exist.”

Doctor Lee looked thoroughly displeased. He held up his hand took out his cell phone. As the number he dialed rang he said he was calling the hospital administrator. He stepped away and when he returned he explained. The administrator is having Human Resources pull Tyler’s records. He will have designated a next of kin, that will resolve the issue.”

My heart sank, if Tyler marked single on his information he completed ten years ago  then if something happened to him I might never see him again. Jim was instructed to take me to the waiting room until the administrator arrived. Once we left the ICU Jim told the others what happened. They did their best to comfort me.