Books for free with Ann

Life is a journey, it’s a road leading to eternity…a different existence. All roads aren’t the same. Some are long, some are short, some are smooth and some are bumpy. The point is every road leads to a destination…it’s not the road, it’s condition or it’s length that matters the most it’s where your route takes you. Where you arrive at the end of this existence…there are only 2 outcomes…you choose. Heaven or hell. The following is a fictional story, it’s a process and together we can arrive at the conclusion, but make no mistake it’s mine to write and to share. I haven’t written in a while but I feel the push so here goes. Times too short for publishing concerns…I’ll post the chapters here, read if you wish or don’t remember you choose. Editing takes time so these are rough drafts your welcome to read and share but comments rudely directed at Jesus will be deleted. My page my story my rules.

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter One

The tears ran down my face as the young girl stood next to me unsure of what to say. The encounter was one that I’d had so many times waiting for an elevator. We had both approached it and I reached out and pushed the button. We stood staring up at the lights above the four possible doors that would light, indicating which one would open allowing us to make our way effortlessly upwards. After a minor wait I looked in her direction. She smiled and said simply “seems like it takes forever sometimes”. There it was…that assumption of forever…that flippant expression that held a word few really comprehended. Forever. Was there really a possibility? Spending a lifetime figuring that answer out was no longer an option. Ten weeks ago I’d found that out the hard way.

“Are you okay?” She asked her face flushed and filled with concern. I couldn’t answer, all I managed was to nod my head no. She looked around her and after a brief pause I heard her mumble as she placed her hand on my arm…”Jesus help me say the right thing”.

“Ma’am I am so sorry…I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t need to know, but I can pray with you because I know Jesus does.” She said as she stepped closer to me. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. I nodded my head affirmatively and stepped into the elevator and she followed. I wiped at my tears and turned to look at her. I wanted to see her expression as I asked her my question.

“Do you honestly believe Jesus is real and that he answers prayers?” My eyes were fastened on her face.

There was absolutely no hesitation as she answered. “Oh yes ma’am there is not a doubt in my mind that Jesus is real.” She said it with the most genuine, unapologetic, sweetness. No anger that I would challenge her beliefs. It was with great pride that she continued. “He is my God, I love Him with all my heart and yes He answers prayer. Sometimes we miss it because He answers in a way we weren’t expecting and sometimes He says no and we don’t like it, but after all He is God and He knows best. Now I don’t know what’s wrong but I know that if I ask Him to help you He will. Whether you recognize how He helps you I won’t know, but I can promise you one hundred percent I know He will.”

“Alright then, yes uhh….I opened my eyes wider inviting her to tell me her name to which she replied “Lilly”. “Okay Lilly pray with me.” She bowed her head took my hand in hers and said “Lord Jesus”…as she said those words my mind went back to ten weeks earlier, the day my death sentence was revealed.

The words he was speaking faded away, drowned out by the beating of my heart, it’s rhythm so fast I felt dizzy. Cancer…stage 4…inoperable? Time? Not much time. This couldn’t be! I’d been having symptoms…at least that’s what they called them for a while and I thought it was my diet, you know vitamin deficiencies then I started feeling so tired and the headaches were horrible. Finally I passed out at the grocery store shopping for…yep…more vitamins. I woke up in the emergency room…they were seeking answers and now I knew. I was dying. There wasn’t much time decisions had to be made because the average patient only survived for six to eight months.

There was medication that could possibly double that time. I could expect seizures? Is that what he just said? Concentrate, I had to concentrate. He just said time, maybe I did have options? Not what I wanted to hear…medications could give me time to get my affairs in order. I swallowed hard. I’d made decisions and declarations about what I believed in and most importantly what I didn’t believe in. I’m only twenty eight years old. There’s no way I’m ready to face, prove or disprove, the stands I’ve made against religion and God. I believed in science! One day I’d be old and I’d consider what life taught me through the years then I’d be able to make decisions based on facts, scientifically. I wasn’t prepared to do that yet. 

I felt trapped. I jumped as the doctor touched my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized he had closed my file and approached me. I looked up at his face. It was solemn and his voice was low and monotone. Wonder how many times he has had to deliver bad news like this? How much counseling did he need to face these type situations? Or was he so seasoned at delivering death notices he wasn’t affected by the devastating news he delivered? This was cold, this was unimaginably cold. This was dealt with scientifically. Symptoms, diagnosis, outcome…done! Birth, life, death…but I was going to miss the decades in between. There was no one here to hold my hand. There was no one to hold me. I couldn’t do this! I shouldn’t have to! I needed my family. This was going to be hard. 

My mom cried every time we made eye contact. My dad tried to be brave but I saw his lips tremble. I heard him tell mom to control herself for my sake. The next few weeks were a blur of decisions and activities, my parents arrived and talked with my doctors. I was moving back home with palliative care. Hospice. Yes hospice care there would be no curative measures in my case. 

Futile existence, that’s how it felt now, I was no longer a viable human now, I was merely a case study. My career was over. My hopes and dreams were never going to be. No matter how many times I told myself this wasn’t fair nothing could change it. Science couldn’t help me, they could only help prolong the inevitable, give me time…what a joke! Time to me was years and years. I only had months thanks to this metastasized glioblastoma…this murderous thing in my brain.

I was in my old room, I could hear everyone downstairs. The shades were pulled to help me rest. I heard a car pull up, walking over to the window I peeked out…oh no…Pastor Bryan was walking up to the door. I wasn’t ready for this. I was scared of this. I dove under the cover’s. Laying perfectly still, controlling my breathing I heard the creek of the top step on the stairs, heard the door open. Was it mom or dad that was peering down at me? Oh come on! Give up already! Quit staring at me! Pretending to be asleep was hard but I held out till I heard the door close. I opened my eyes and sat up.

“I knew you were faking” June said. I jumped when she spoke from the bathroom door.

“Ugh! You know I’m not ready for a sermon” I whispered.

June walked over to the bed, sat down and took my right hand in hers. Tears swam in her eyes as she brushed my hair away from my cheek. “Well don’t wait too long Bobbi, you know you don’t have time to waste”.

June, my older sister, was always blunt and to the point. I nodded my head she got up and went back out into the hallway. A few minutes later I heard the car drive away. I’d think about all that tomorrow, because at least tonight I thought there would still be a tomorrow for me.

I woke up to the smell of freshly baked bread. I was hungry. Going down the stairs I found mom sitting at the table, dad in his recliner and June taking rolls out of the oven. Mom hovered while I ate. I picked at the salad on my plate and was spreading butter on my second warm roll when the nausea hit me. My headache returned with a vengeance. I got up and rushed toward the back door. I’d never make it to the bathroom. I threw open the door and came face to face with Buddy. I brushed past him and bent over the railing. I vomited violently. I felt myself falling when suddenly familiar arms surrounded me and steadied me. Mom came through the door with a wash cloth. Buddy reached out and took it from her and ever so gently bathed my face as I rested against his leg and supporting arm.

This was awkward. I hadn’t seen Buddy in years. We dated all through high school and our first year at college. He was still as handsome as he had always been. I’d dated different guys since, but my focus had been on my career. Journalism was my degree and I fell in love with technical writing. Buddy wanted a normal life, he embraced church and community and wanted kids. We were just too different.

“Here honey” a female voice said as I heard the scrape of the chair on the porch. I turned my head slightly toward the sound of the voice but the pounding in my head stopped all thought. Buddy gently sat me down in the chair. After a few minutes I squinted and looked up. Standing beside Buddy was a stranger. I looked from her perfect face to his at which point his deep voice introduced his wife Lisa.

Why? Why? Why? Why was he here, why didn’t I know he was married and why did he bring her here? Then my gaze traveled down and the unmistakable baby bump under her shirt arrested my gaze and my thoughts. Buddy was married and Buddy was going to be a daddy. His hopes and his dreams weren’t terminal. I was glad for him, I think I managed a smile but I still wanted to know the answers to those why’s.

“My goodness Buddy we haven’t seen you in a while, not since the wedding.” Mom said. I was speechless, they knew? They went to the wedding? Why hadn’t they told me?

“Well I brought Lisa out here, she’s the hospice nurse. She was supposed to come in the morning but I offered to drive her out here.” Buddy said quietly.

“Oh, oh well, that’s fine dear. Come on in.” Carolyn said as she turned and lead the way back inside.

“Go on back in honey, I’ll hose this off.” Dad said as he nodded to the mess I had deposited over the bannister then patted my shoulder placing his hand beneath my arm to help me stand.

This was horrible, my ex-boyfriend and his lovely pregnant wife were here. Not only did I just puke my guts up in front of them, she was to be my nurse. I wanted to cry. Whether from embarrassment or anger or jealousy I didn’t know but somewhere deep down inside the need to cry was bubbling up intensely and I didn’t know if I’d be able to choke it down.

June seemed to know, she reached out and took my arm nodding her head toward the living room. I went along with her. She motioned toward the sofa and I sat down. She sat down on the arm of the sofa her legs touching mine. She was going to stay close. Ever the watchful, protective, older sister.

The introductions were made and Buddy excused himself going outside with dad. Lisa was kind and seemed to not be bothered that her husband had been my boyfriend for five years and almost a fixture in the Daniels household for that many years.

Immediate needs were discussed as well as schedules and contact information was disseminated by June. Mom got weepy of course and I just wanted to go lay across my bed and cry. June helped me upstairs as Buddy and Lisa were departing. Once the door was closed she walked in the bathroom and turned on the shower.

“Come on Sis, you need a shower you smell like vomit.” June said matter of factly as she ushered me into the bathroom and started pulling off my clothes. She tested the temperature of the water and nodded her satisfaction. I stepped in and washed my hair. Then the agony began to seep out of me as scalding tears ran down my face. June stepped into the shower wrapped her arms around me and whispered “let it out baby sister, let it all out.” I sobbed for a very long time and clung to her in desperation. The pain of what I felt like was my wasted life, my hopeless existence coming to the surface in agony. At some point there was a knock on the bathroom door, June told them to go away. She bathed me, she soothed me and when she turned off the shower and wrapped me in a towel I realized she was fully clothed and soaking wet. She still had her canvas shoes on. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I thought this is a moment we will remember forever then abruptly I stopped smiling. My forever was way shorter than I expected it to be.

I grabbed another towel and held it out to June as she stripped off her wet clothes. June left the bathroom and went to the door and yelled for mom. When she came upstairs June asked her to put her clothes in the dryer and for a glass of tea. Mom looked at my red puffy eyes and understood. Once the tea was in hand June began to brush my hair. Our eyes met in the mirror and for that one unguarded moment I saw her fear and her pain. I wasn’t the only one going through this. We loved each other and this pain was not just mine. I would live with it until I died but chances are the pain of these months would be with June for the rest of hers which hopefully could be a very long time. I needed to remember that.

I took the brush and donned a nightgown, handed her one and climbed in bed. She snuggled in beside me and for the first time I wondered where Jed and the kids were. She said they were at home, Jed was off for a few days and she had planned to stay and help out here.

“Why didn’t y’all tell me Buddy got married?” I asked.

“You don’t remember? You sent a wedding gift Bobbi, that was almost two years ago. You bought them a toaster.” June replied. “No I don’t remember that at all.” I said as I searched my memory but found nothing.

“Wait” she said reaching for the folder on the night stand.  “Look this is a list of symptoms associated with glioblastoma. Vomiting, changes in temperament or personality, speaking or responding to other peoples’ speech appropriately, difficulty swallowing, short-term memory loss, fainting, loss of appetite, muscle weakness.” She read them, we looked at each other and grimaced.

“Wonder what else I’ve forgotten?” I murmured. As I drifted off to sleep I realized that my symptoms began without me knowing what was happening. It wasn’t like I’d discovered a sudden lump or something. This disease snuck in, or was it always there just waiting? I knew Buddy got married, but I’d forgotten, I have no idea when I started forgetting stuff. June’s soft snore was comforting, at least I wasn’t alone. I drifted off to sleep my hand securely wrapped in hers.

There was a murmuring sound, voices and laughter. I was sitting on the concrete steps at the high school. Buddy was laughing but he said “you’re not serious Bobbi! You know better” then a voice from above us said “it takes more faith to believe that than it does to believe”… the voice trailed off. I looked up but the sun was too bright I didn’t see who said it. I woke up with a start. That wasn’t a dream I thought, that was a memory. That was the first time I said it out loud. The first time I said “I don’t think I believe there is a God”. Why did I dream about that?

I stirred, restless now. This uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had to have answers, real answers, not what somebody else believed. I was a writer after all, a technical writer at that. I knew how to do research! I knew how to find answers and how to explain things. I was gonna find out in short order ifthere was a God, and what I needed to do if there was or if I’d merely cease to be pretty soon. I had to know.

——————————-

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Two

I felt June move off the bed and squinted against the sunlight pouring through the blinds. Just my luck I thought having a bedroom window facing the east. I didn’t get to watch the sun go down growing up I got to cover my head with the quilt seeking refuge from the morning light.

“Coffee! I need coffee!” I muttered.

“I hear you, me too! I’ll go make it and I’ll bring you a cup but I want to know what you were dreaming about last night. You squirmed and you mumbled all night.” June complained. “It’s very frustrating trying to eavesdrop on a mutter mouth, you used to talk clearer in your sleep.” Her smile reminded me of the many times we would end up in each other’s beds and I’d be teased for days about my goofy conversations while dreaming.

I went to the bathroom. Washed my face, brushed my teeth and tamed my unruly hair. I had hated the color of my hair growing up and the small spattering of freckles across my nose. Red, why did it have to be red. Not a vibrant red but a pale red, almost orange I thought with the mixture of golden tones and darker almost brown strands. I always called it mutt hair. I didn’t know where it came from or who had passed it down to me in the gene pool, but it was thick, bouncy and unique. As I’d grown older the freckles had faded but the mutt hair remained. I kept it long and most of the time in a pony tail or a quick upsweep with a clip to hold it but I had stopped doing that attributing my headaches before I knew the cause on the weight of it. I heard the bedroom door open as June came back and I smelled the coffee.

I reentered the bedroom finding my mom heading purposefully toward the bed, June sitting a tray on the dresser and dad standing in the doorway.

“Good morning baby” daddy said moving forward, brushing a kiss on my temple. I leaned in toward him and returned the greeting. I was daddy’s girl. He had always been my biggest fan. Supporting me, encouraging me and when necessary scolding me. His biggest tool? Just one glance that penetrated my stubbornness and conveyed his disappointment in my attitude or behavior. I couldn’t stand that look. Disappointing daddy was unacceptable. He had never spanked me in my entire life, he didn’t have to. All he had to do was look at me and either smile that smile that lit up his brown eyes or somberly scowl and I’d either float on air or churn with regret.

I took the cup of coffee June held out and sipped eagerly. It was so good. She held up an orange she peeled for me but I wasn’t ready for food just yet, I just wanted the coffee. My gaze shifted to my mother as she straightened from her task of making the bed. Her face was puffy and she looked so very tired. I sat the cup down and walked to her, said “thank you mom” and heard her catch her breath. I wanted to comfort her but knew that tears would follow so I just hooked my arm in hers and remained silent. She nodded her head. She understood.

“Okay then, ahh Lisa should be here around nine, it’s six forty five so you girls have breakfast and June your clothes are still in the dryer.” Mom informed us as she retrieved the laundry basket from the bathroom and glanced about the room looking for stray clothes we had unceremoniously dropped as though we were teenagers again.

Lisa, I’d forgotten about Lisa coming. I didn’t want to rock the boat but I had plans. I had to formulate my outline and start my research. I was determined to begin the quest for truth, my truth or his truth? Hmm I didn’t know that answer either, but I knew that once and for all I was going to end the debate inside me. Was there a heaven or a hell and was their a God or wasn’t there? For the first time I felt like the answer to those questions couldn’t wait. The question still remained could they be definitive answers? Only time would tell and I was short on time. I didn’t know when my cognitive abilities would lessen, time was of the essence.

I needed a research partner, not someone with ready made answers, someone who could help me with the research honestly and with a basic knowledge of the facts and of the only documents I had to glean from. The Bible.

I explained my dreams to June and we discussed the possible candidates to help with my research. Mom and dad were considered biased, I knew how they felt. June admitted she could point me to the same conclusions they had and naturally Pastor Bryan would be the same but he did know that Bible. What I needed was a seminary student, a non judgmental and objective one…wait that wasn’t possible…was it? There were just to many questions, too many unproven facts, too many obstacles. After all wasn’t belief in God a personal choice? How could one possibly know for sure if what they believed was right before it was too late to change your destiny with so little time left? I could ask a preacher or I could ask an atheist,  but most likely I’d find what I called a Bible thumper or I’d find someone who thought only stupid people believed in God. 

Yes I had been on the fence, science hadn’t failed me…until it did! Now I had to get off the fence but in doing so, one way or the other, which way was a mistake or which way didn’t really matter? I realized to do objective research I needed both, a believer and a skeptic. I didn’t know a single person in my life I’d want to be responsible for my decision in the end. My parents were best friends with Pastor Bryan and his wife Darlene. It would tear at their relationship once…it…happened if I rejected what they believed. I couldn’t do that to them. As for finding the right skeptic I need look no further than my bathroom mirror. I’d argued with myself and proven to my satisfaction God was a myth so I had the roll of skeptic covered but could I honestly be objective at this point? June became my assistant in my fact finding quest.

She made a list and headed to the library and bookstore. She would check on Jed and the kids and return shortly after lunch. Lisa arrived, checked my vital signs and my medications. Sat with me, talking about her concerns for my care and answering my questions. As she gathered her things preparing to leave she paused, looked at me and after considerable time asked me why I had refused chemotherapy and radiation treatment. The subject of which I had exhausted with my doctors and my family.

“Those treatments could prolong my life by five to eight more months but at what cost? Quality is as important as quantity. I could be unable to speak or move, trapped inside my dying body as this tumor grows. It’s inoperable and it’s aggressive and I have to consider my family as well. I’m not willing to prolong their suffering any more than I am my own. The subsequent outcome will be the same so as scared as I am about what I know is going to happen, I know that my mother and father and my sister will suffer with me every step of the way. Their health has to be considered also. So I’ve accepted the inevitable and elected to be kept comfortable as this process takes place. I’m essentially dead already. No other way to look at it.”

Lisa nodded her head, she squeezed my hand and said “alright then, I’m available to you twenty four seven. Your medication list is in the folder, the meds are in the box on your bathroom counter and I’ll see you in the morning unless you need me before then”. She said as she exited the room.

I glanced at the clock it was eleven thirty. I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen where mom was. I inhaled a cinnamon roll and asked mom where dad was. It was early May, a beautiful spring day. She told me dad was at school, there were only three weeks left and he would be off for the summer. 

He had not signed on to teach summer school this year and had put in for leave of absence for the fall semester, mom had already taken a leave of absence for the rest of the year. It should be over by then I thought and their lives would be restored to normal…their new normal…less one living daughter. For the millionth time probably in the last three weeks I wondered where I would be or if I would be, somewhere…

I walked to the back door as I heard a car pull in. June had returned she beamed at me as she opened the hatch on my SUV. She removed a large laundry basket filled with stuff. I held the door open as she came through, deposited the basket on the floor, smiled up at me and said “that’s not all” and headed back to the car. She came back carrying shopping bags filled with books. She reached in her back pocket pulled out a credit card and handed it to mom explaining “I texted you the grand total”. So mom was on board and involved in supporting my research. I had a substantial savings account and life insurance policies as well as policies to pay my premiums and any deductibles until…I had transferred my money into a joint account with my mother. She and dad were my beneficiaries on my policies so my financial affairs were in order. My car would be paid off once I died and the car I had already given to June.

“So where do we set you up at so the research can begin?” Mom asked. Knowing my work habits I suggested June’s old room. I could go through the bathroom we had shared and could study without disturbing anyone else.

“That’s a great idea. I can have the round table set up, move that old recliner in there, push the bed into the corner, give you space to spread out.” Mom and June sprang into action as I reached into the shopping bag and pulled out the first book. A large print Bible, an interlinear Bible with English, Greek and Hebrew text. I was scanning the pages as I heard the bed scraping across the floor. I was surprised really at my moms enthusiasm for my research expecting her to be somewhat disappointed that I didn’t readily accept her position on the subject as she had taught it to me. Obviously I had assumed incorrectly and intrigued I headed upstairs to ask her.

I entered the room as mom sat the lamp on the table. The books were lined up across the dresser, their labels easy for me to read. Pens and pencils in a shoe box, highlighters of every color, new spiral notebooks stacked neatly, invisible tape on a dispenser, and as I glanced at the wall a map was hanging there, two of them in fact an old map generated by historical information and a current map of the Middle East. The teacher set up I got, but all these books? I looked at my sister and she mouthed ‘later’ so I turned to my mother.

“Wow Mom, just wow! I’m amazed! But…I wanna know why, you are actually beaming with happiness at my decision to find my truth about God.” I smiled but the challenge was obvious in my tone.

“That’s easy dear there is only One truth. I know it and someday very soon you will too and that makes me very happy.” She was all smiles to which I tilted my head sarcastically my doubt conveyed as she replied “Be as skeptical as you wish Bobbi but I live by faith. Faith that I know what I know and soon you will too. This search of yours needs to be settled once and for all and you’ve ignored me and everything around you that has anything to do with God so it’s high time you do know. You aren’t going to let me tell you One plus two equals three so now get to work. I’m here if you want to talk or if you don’t, just get busy girls.” She waved her hand at me as she began humming her way out the door.

June burst out laughing. “If you could see the look on your face! Your expression did what your mouth and your body wanted to! Just looking at you I could see you mentally stomp your foot with your hand on your hip and say “seriously Mother!”. Trying my best to ignore her enjoyment of the moment I reached out and smacked her leg turning away, but not soon enough to prevent her from seeing my compressed lips as I suppressed the grin that I couldn’t stop. That grin elicited a squeal of delight from June.

“Okay. Se..err let’s get to work.” I almost said seriously but clamped my teeth down effectively preventing the word from escaping my lips.

“What? Hey girl I don’t need to find this answer, I agree with Mom! I know what I know”…then she proceeded to sing a piece of an old hymn I hadn’t heard in years…” like a tree planted by the waters I shall not be moved.”

“Hmmm I remember grandma singing that song…hey where did that come from?” I asked. “It’s from the Bible, look it up! June said.

Picking up the enormous Bible she brought home I said, “you look it up” not wanting her to know how intimidating that book was. She reached over pulled out a smaller Bible, went to the back and I watched over her shoulder, following her finger. Why didn’t I know this? There was a concordance in the back. I could look up words and it gave me the scripture references. Maybe until now I hadn’t wanted to know?

Realizing how over my head this research was going to be without having the basics was exhausting and my head was starting to ache. It was time for my medicine surely.

Taking the Bible from her hand I said come on let’s get some tea and enjoy some sunshine. She shrugged, agreeing easily. June was a country girl at heart and nothing pleased her more than being outside.

We took the glasses of sweet tea onto the porch. The sun was bright but the breeze was delightful.

“So where did you come up with all those books” I asked curious as to how she made her choices.

“Oh I had a little help.” She admitted. At my wrinkled forehead she elaborated. “I went first to the bookstore and ran into Mark.” As my frown deepened she said “Mark, you remember Mark, he and Steven, the twins. Pastor Bryan’s son.” Her mention of him brought my dream to mind. Mark, it’s was Marks voice I’d heard. He had been a senior when I was a freshman in high school. He knew I was a skeptic. He had witnessed it first hand. He was a missionary, starting out completely different than his father.

“He would be an asset in this information gathering” June offered but I quickly rejected the idea. Mark was definitely biased on the subject.

“That makes absolutely no sense Bobbi, so you are looking for a non-believer to show you the truth in scripture? Seems like you’ve decided rather than searching out the truth for yourself your looking for someone who can steer you away from understanding. That’s like asking a career criminal to teach you how to be honest.”

She had a valid point, one I had already thought about but I’d give her credit for this one she deserved it. “You’re right June bug, I’m gonna have to take it all in and then process everything and come to my own conclusions.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes then I asked her when Mark was going back to where he was stationed…or working…or was it missionaring? I had no idea.

“Oh he’s home for a while, gonna be associate Pastor here for a bit and help his parents with the farm.”

I mulled over what she told me then admitted to her that asking Pastor Bryan questions wasn’t going to happen, it was tantamount to telling him I’d spent my years on his pew with my fingers in my ears refusing to listen to him. That would just embarrass us both, but Mark, he just might be the answer to my dilemma. I could barely remember either one of those boys, but I knew they were not identical.

After dinner and my shower was complete I took out my laptop and went into June’s old room. She had gone home, told me to call her if I needed her. It took me just a few minutes to establish my outline and create a file for my research. I picked up the Bible and was amazed at how heavy it was. How many pages, thin pages at that, were in that thing I wondered. There was no way I’d get from cover to cover before I…my thoughts trailed off. In my mind I couldn’t complete that thought but then I realized I had to. I was a fact finder and I had to face whatever I discovered was or was not true. So I picked up the Bible again I had absolutely no idea where to begin. I stared a the first line of my outline. In doing my research I always studied existing relevant material, conducted interviews and actually tested the product. How did one take God…so to speak…for a test drive?

Reading down my outline, the information I needed to prove and explain made me even more doubtful about my ability to do this research. How was I going to simplify my understanding of a subject I’d avoided my whole life?

My cell phone rang, it was a number I didn’t recognize so I ignored it. Staring once again at my screen for at least ten minutes without a single constructive thought my phone rang again. Glancing down I saw it was June and said “hello”.

“Why didn’t you answer the phone?” She demanded. “I don’t have any missed calls from you June.” I snapped back. “It wasn’t me who called you Bobbi, it was Mark.”

I was shocked, then I was angry responding curtly “well I don’t answer numbers I don’t recognize so maybe you shouldn’t be handing out my number”.

“Look, after we talked today I guess I assumed you were agreeable to letting him help you with your research. He was at my house when I got home helping Jed build another chicken coop. He asked for your number and I just gave it to him. When he told me you didn’t answer I was a bit concerned. I think you mistook the anxiety in my voice as anger. So let’s start over Bobbi, are you okay?”

“Well at least you know I’m not dead yet”. I returned flippantly and at her gasp I instantly regretted it. “June, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just stumped and feeling completely out of control.”

I could hear the tears in her voice as she said it was okay and said goodnight. I was a terrible person, if there was a hell I’d surely not be able to avoid it behaving like an idiot. I looked down at my phone at the missed call and realized Mark had left me a voice mail. Pushing the speaker on I clicked play.

“Hey Bobbi, or should I say freckles?” His greeting made me cringe, nobody called me that ever except the preachers son. “Listen, June told me what’s going on and I’d like to help…no pressure, just lend an ear when you have questions and point you in the right direction. I’m available tomorrow. I’ll drop by around noon to visit with you. Bye now.”

His voice was so deep and he sounded kind after the initial name calling I detested. I texted June told her he was coming and told her to be here at eleven thirty and don’t be late. June didn’t reply. I made my way to my bed and slept very hard.

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Three

I’m awake, I’m still here! I thought as I stumbled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Once that task was complete I made my bed before going downstairs. Lisa arrived and did her thing and I glanced at the clock. It was eleven thirty-five June was late! I stepped out on the porch pulled my cell phone out and heard a vehicle coming up the driveway. Lisa was here and right behind her was a black truck I didn’t recognize. Apparently Mark’s around noon was earlier than my idea of five minutes after. Good to know.

June stepped up on the porch and wrinkled her nose at me, a hesitant question in her eyes. She wanted to know if I was still mad at her. Deciding to forgive the fact she was late and remembering I’d hurt her feelings I reached out draped my arm over her shoulder and tugged her blond curls. She smiled, we were good.

Turning my attention to the black truck I watched him step out. Good grief he was tall! I remembered him being skinny but when did he get this tall? His dark hair was shiny, cut short. The tan line around the base of his neck said the haircut was fresh. He stepped up on the porch in two enormous strides. Whipped off his sunglasses and smiled at me. He didn’t look like a preacher to me, he looked more like a husky model, the kind that wore the boot cut jeans just right. At that thought I cleared my throat remembering his chosen profession and how those thoughts weren’t nice much less honorable or reverent. I’d never seen a preacher this pretty before. This didn’t add up I thought.

June said hello and offered to go get tea. I just stood there as he intently searched my face before speaking. “Where did they go? I guess I can’t call you Freckles anymore Bobbi, they have disappeared.” He stopped looking at my face, now his liquid brown eyes with flecks of gold were staring intently into mine. I felt an attraction that made me nervous. He was gorgeous. Muscled and lean. Tall and devastating. When did that happen?

Realizing I still hadn’t spoken I tried to smile but it felt awkward. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you Mark. Do you want to come in or is the porch okay?” I gestured to the table and chairs on the porch. June settled the question for us emerging with four glasses, with mom right behind her carrying a pitcher of sweet tea.

We all sat down as mom went back inside to retrieve the tray of sandwiches she had made and the vegetable tray. Always the prepared hostess she instructed us to dig in. I took a bite of the carrot I chose and looked up straight into Mark’s eyes. I glanced away quickly. I couldn’t get involved, there was no point plus he was a preacher. I had to keep this completely platonic and avoid acting like a flirty teenager.

After he delivered the blessing we ate and visited, Mark telling us about Haiti and the Philippines, his trips to Romania to his brothers orphanage. Eventually mom said she had laundry to fold and June kept looking at her phone checking the time. She needed to go and the awkwardness had passed. It was time Mark and I had a conversation that was more to the point of why he was here.

“Well the visit has been great but, June if you don’t mind I’d like to talk to Mark about my research.” I offered her a way to excuse herself without feeling like she was abandoning me. She jumped at the chance, hastily said goodbye to Mark and mom and drove away.

“So, how can I help you Bobbi?” Mark asked softly. I swallowed hard and salty tears stung my eyes. I didn’t know! I felt beyond help, like my body was racing toward a cliff and there was no way I could stop it. I wanted to…so badly but nothing would keep me from reaching it quick, fast, and in a hurry. Mark leaned closer to the table, stretched his long arm across it towards me taking my hand in his and whispered “I’m here, let me in. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to push you too hard, just let me help you.” I swallowed hard, raised my eyes from my hand that was swallowed up in his massive one and looked into his eyes. Tears swam in them, was this pity? I didn’t want pity, but what did I want?

“Why, Mark, we barely knew each other really. You were a Senior when I was a freshman, why do you want to help me?” I really needed to hear the answer.

Mark released my hand and sat back in his chair, running his hand from his forehead down his chin considering his answer carefully. Was he formulating a response I wanted to hear maybe? When he spoke it was deliberate but light, not stern or pastor like for lack of a better phrase.

“I was around you way more than you noticed. I sat two pews behind you in church for years. I sat behind you at the ball games. I sat two tables away from you in the lunchroom my last year in high school. I watched you hold hands with that kid Buddy. I really didn’t like that guy. I went off to college but I came home at special times. I was there when you played Juliet in the school play.”

“Oh no!” I cupped my face in my hands, the embarrassment of that night returned, fresh in my memory.

Mark continued, laughter in his voice. “Oh yeah, let me tell you, when old Buddy, your Romeo climbed up the ladder to the balcony tripped on the vines and slid all the way down that ladder the look on your face was priceless! Your recovery was great, you cupped your mouth and said ‘Romeo, oh Romeo’ again without missing a beat. I knew you were gripping that flimsy bannister and counting each rung on the ladder willing boyfriend not to fall off again, I on the other hand hoped he would.” We both dissolved in laughter then he continued and I was riveted to the timber of his voice and watched his mouth as the words came out through his full lips.

“I was there when you graduated. I was there when you were introduced as prom queen candidate and tripped on your dress going up the steps. You just never really noticed me.” I looked up to see his eyes but they were quickly covered as he shoved his sunglasses on and asked quietly, “so what’s it gonna be Freckle’s? Are we gonna find you some answers together?” His voice held a soothing quality and my stomach had butterflies as I made my decision.

“Yes, Mark I’d love your help” I didn’t know what would happen, but I wanted to find out.

“Okay then, let’s start tonight. Your place or mine?” He asked. I was taken aback by the question. Then he elaborated. “I’ve made a study library, we can pour over things I think you’d find interesting. I can pick you up about five, have you back before midnight anyway.”

I was shocked, I hadn’t been off the homestead since my family brought me home. What would they say? It wasn’t like I was an invalid…not yet anyway. Why not? An evening out with a handsome fella…oh wait, that wasn’t fair to him. Mark was kind and giving. I had to be careful, I didn’t want to hurt him. He had a future, mine had an expiration date. When I was considering his offer he was studying my face and his next word’s made my decision to accept his invitation easier.

“Freckles I’ve waited for the opportunity to spend time with you since you were in the seventh grade. I’d watched you grow up from a scrawny little girl with orange pig tails. Then one day the junior high graduates came to the high school for orientation and there you were. Your hair was all shiny, the spattering of freckles was perfect and I felt like a pervert crushing on a little girl. I didn’t go to my high school prom, there was only one person I’d want to go with and I couldn’t take her. She was too young and had this guy with her all the time. So yeah I’ve waited a very long time. Sure, I’ve dated some but always in the back of my mind there was you. I didn’t know when or where but I held out for the opportunity to spend time with you. I just have to be honest, whatever time you have will you let me get to know you? Will you just let me be…your friend…for now?” He stood up and walked to his truck. I followed him then answered.

“I’d love that Mark, just promise me one thing” I asked shading my eyes from the sun. Mark stepped in front of me blocking the sun as he pulled his hat he’d retrieved from the dash of his truck onto his head, whipped his sunglasses off and looked me in the eye answering with one word. “Anything.”

“Promise me you won’t get hurt, promise me we can just keep this friendly and when it’s over you’ll be happy and I won’t have caused you any pain. Can you do that?”

“Let me think about that would you? I mean we just decided to search for your answers, let’s look over stuff tonight and I will try to give you my answer I just have to think about it some…and I promise to do that!”

That had to be good enough for now. I wanted to see what he would show me and I was excited about going somewhere for even a few hours so I agreed.

Mark drove away and I returned to the house. My mom was in the kitchen and avoided eye contact. I knew what that meant. She’d been listening from the window! Bracing myself for her disapproval I dove in. “Well go ahead mom, tell me what you think and how I shouldn’t get his hopes up. I know you heard us.” Mom turned around, shrugged her shoulders and surprised me completely.

“Bobbi, darlin the only one surprised by this is you. Bryan and Darlene, June and Jed, and me and your daddy have know for the last ten years that boy has been in love with you. You just didn’t see him, because deep down you thought you could persuade Buddy to your way of thinking and made him the target of your anti God philosophy and you pursued that for five years, not once looking around and seeing that poor boy watching you from afar. We could see the way he looked at you. The yearning in his voice when you weren’t here and he asked about you. There were girls lined up missy that swarmed him like flies but he wasn’t interested in any of them. His heart was set on you! Disbelieving, stubborn, can’t see the forrest for the trees you!” Moms hand was on her hip and her toe was tapping. She was wound up and she wasn’t gonna hold back.

“Sheesh momma tell me how you really feel.” I joked, but somewhere inside I knew she was right. I wanted steady, I wanted secure and settled but I wanted it on my terms. I didn’t want anyone to insist I had to see things their way…I wanted to assert myself. It was my life, I could live it my way. So I had refused to entertain anyone else’s ideas. I thought Buddy would give in but when he didn’t I simply walked away, without argument from him I now realized.

“I don’t know why things are happening the way they are. I don’t have any answers to all of this I just know the most important thing is you are finally looking for the answer’s that matter the most. As for Mark, since I am a person of faith, maybe this is his answer to prayer.” I snapped my head up, looking intently at her as she continued. “I mean look, there’s an old adage that says it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, so maybe you can end Marks suffering too? Maybe he would never get over you if he never got the chance to know you? You would always be that ‘what if’ in the back of his mind.”

Mom reached out, drew me into her arms, stroked my hair and I could literally feel her heart beat and the ache inside her. “Bobbi girl, I love you more than you can imagine. The thought that one day I won’t be able to do this, I won’t have you here is breaking my heart. It’s ripping me to piece’s emotionally and physically but what in the world could be worse? Never having you in the first place! Never having the joy of remembering your laughter, the sound of your voice, the twinkle in your eyes, this love I feel…that would be immensely worse!” I pulled back from her tight embrace, wrapped my arms around her and we both bawled like babies. We didn’t hear daddy walk in. He came over to where we stood draped his arms around us intending to be a comforting force but the emotions were just too strong. He had been as stoic as he could be and finally the dam burst. He had been controlling it for weeks but that was over with. His grief and his despair poured out of him like a river of tears.

Daddy could only whisper one word…”Jesus”…he said it over and over. The more he said it the more his sobbing subsided. That one word soothed him and it affected mom as well, pretty soon she began to whisper the name. Something was happening I didn’t understand but I watched them cling to each other and whisper that name and within a few minutes their tears were spent and they would look at each other, pat one another lovingly, blow their noses, wipe each other’s tears and smiles began to emerge while tender loving kisses on their foreheads and cheeks were exchanged. I watched their faith, their belief in God transform them from the agony of weeks of grief into smiles of relief and joy…yes joy…there was a release and joy was being born from it. How? I couldn’t fathom it, but I’d just witnessed it. For the very first time in my life I was jealous. I didn’t have that, I didn’t believe in it. How could just saying a name and believing it’s God make you feel better? I didn’t know but I’d just seen it happen.

Mom said she would fill dad in on what happened while I went upstairs, got a bit of rest before it was time to get ready for Mark. Daddy raised his eyebrows as he wiped his glasses glancing from mom’s face to mine and back again. I stopped at the stairs and looked back at them. Mom told him I had a date with Mark. I saw my father raise both hands and say “hallelujah”.  Mom was right, dad also thought Mark cared for me. I’d go upstairs and rest, give mom time and she would tell June and soon I’d find out what she knew.

Not twenty minutes later June called. I said hello and she squealed into my ear, then started laughing. June disclosed that she hadn’t been as observant as our parents but Jed had been close friends with Mark and he had told her about Mark’s crush on me. Once she knew she started watching and could see it. She just thought he would get over it eventually but obviously she had been wrong. I realized I’d been oblivious to a lot of things for a very long time. Contemplating a romance was stupid. My focus needed to be on finding out if there was a God and how would I determine that for myself.

I gathered my things and deposited them on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, something smelled really good. I walked over to the stove and lifting the lid discovered her pot roast. I reached in and almost had a carrot when she smacked my hand and took the lid away placing it back on the roaster. “Mom!” I said loudly. The person who normally encourages me to eat was now refusing me a carrot!

“I’m hungry and this looks amazing” I explained as an excuse for my bad manners at using my fingers.

“It’s not that dear. Mark called asked about food restrictions or allergies. He is feeding you dinner and you don’t need to be full of my roast. You need to eat with Mark.” I was surprised, but now I knew everyone including Mark viewed this as a date. I couldn’t just roll with that, I had to assert the necessity for research and get my questions answered, yet there was a small thrill that seemed to take shape inside me.

The truck pulled in and Mark bounded onto the porch. He was wearing jeans and a tee shirt, and a less worn pair of boots as well. Okay then at least he was keeping things informal. My dad came into the kitchen shook his hand in greeting and both my parents were framed in the doorway as we pulled out of the driveway. 

We drove in the opposite direction of his parents farm and I was relieved, for a bit I was apprehensive, afraid dinner was with his parents. So now I asked “where are we going?”.

“I thought you’d know, sorry about that. To my place. I bought the old Miller farm. It’s only fifteen acres but I’m rebuilding barns and pens and refurbishing the house. Steven has a family and when his service in Romania is finished, our parents plan to retire or find a seminary to teach at and Steven will become the Pastor most probably and take over the farm.” He stated. “Oh” was all I could say. I didn’t know anything about his life other than what he had told me today.

We pulled through the gate as the gravel crunched under the vehicles weight. I could see the barns he was building. He pulled into the carport beside the small house. It looked more like a log cabin than it did an old farm house. The porch wrapped around it and had beautiful log rockers under a ceiling fan.

“It’s beautiful Mark.” To which he replied “I still have two rooms to finish upstairs but I’ll get there eventually.”

The house was perfect. He showed me around. The kitchen was cozy and a booth was made into the corner in the shape of a horseshoe. A large island sat in the middle. The dining room was now a study. Books lined the shelves, a desk was centered against one wall and a bay window was directly across from it.

“Let’s eat first” he said as he turned and headed for the kitchen. He flipped on all the lights and reached in the cabinet, retrieved paper plates and sat two sodas on the table. I smiled as he said “I don’t cook much so I don’t have very many dishes.”

He invited me to sit, I slid into the booth and he handed me napkins and forks, they were real not plastic, then pulled pizza from the oven. Opening the refrigerator he placed a bowl of salad on the table and two bottles of dressing. We were all set.

Mark slid into the booth across from me and laid his arm across the table his palm open. I placed mine in his as he prayed a simple prayer of thanks and said amen. Strangely that didn’t feel awkward it was always done growing up. It was, however, the first time a date had prayed over our meal. This cemented in my mind that he was indeed a preacher and not a model.

4th chapter/

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Four

We ate, talked and laughed. I learned he knew a lot more about me than I knew about him. What I didn’t know were what his plans were.

“So if your brother is going to Pastor the church, what is Mark going to do?” I asked him.

“I actually have a job and I have a ministry I’ve been doing for several years.” He stated but didn’t elaborate. I didn’t want to appear nosey…but I was actually. I just sat there my eyebrows elevated trying to convey my eagerness to hear more. He grinned and explained. “I work at the prison, yeah the local  penitentiary as a Chaplain.”

My mouth fell open, I had no idea there was even such a position. That explained how he could afford to buy this place. I was impressed but I had questions, lots of questions but the main one was why…seemed like I was void of any answers lately all I could ever seem to ask was why.

Phrasing my question into a more adult form I said “what in particular does a prison Chaplain do?”

“I council people in matters of faith. Much like you and I are about to do. I help them obtain the answers they seek. I hold church services once a week and I council the inmates on death row as well as make myself available to their families.”

Now I understood. I was facing my own death sentence and he was well equipped to help me reach a satisfying conclusion. It really couldn’t be any better I thought. Then felt a tinge of regret. Maybe I was wrong about his feelings for me, maybe they all were. Just maybe this giant of a man had experience with death row sentenced people and saw this as an opportunity to help someone who hadn’t committed a crime and was dying unjustly. 

We cleared the table and he suggested we work here explaining he had some things to show me but there was only one chair in his study. I agreed, he fetched my bag I’d brought and sat down. I opened my laptop and quickly found the file that contained my outline.

“So where do we begin” he asked.” I explained my process as a technical writer and tried to show him the screen. He said “hang on” stood up and scooted in beside me. Now we could both see the screen. He looked through my outline and started asking questions of his own.

“Well the first thing you have here is purpose. You haven’t filled it in. Why don’t you write down what the purpose of this research means for you.” He proceeded to stand up again and offered to make coffee.

Purpose, what was my purpose in doing this. For the first time I really thought about it. I scooted closer to the table and began to write. I didn’t hold back. By the time he returned with a cup of steaming coffee for me I realized I was trembling.

“Are you cold?” He asked. I nodded that I was and mumbled the word chilled. He left the room and I heard him bound up the stairs and move about. He came back carrying a quilt and two pillows.

“Here we go” Mark placed the quilt around my shoulders then tucked the two pillows behind me filling the void between my back and the bench seat. He sat back down reached across me and took hold of the quilt bringing it around me effectively tucking me into it. I looked up into his face, he was looking steadily at me. He took his hand and brushed the back of it against my cheek. He was warm and his caress was so gentle. He sat up and turned his attention to my screen and read my answer out loud. I felt my resolve to remain platonic friends crumbling.

“Purpose: to derive a hypothesis that forces me to either prove or disprove the existence of intelligent design. This hypothesis must convince me that I have made a decision based on evidence. There is a God or there is not. Either I will live eternally or I will cease to exist. Fear of death is my reasoning for needing this hypothesis. If there is a God then how do I get to heaven? If I determine God is real then what conditions must I meet? Presuming God is real and there is a hell then why would he let me go there if he does love me the way my family says he does. None of that makes sense. Why do bad things happen to descent people. If there is intelligent design why didn’t he fix the bad things? Why would he allow bad things in the first place?”

He thought for a moment and considered his next questions. “This is what we both basically already know. We know you want to determine if there is concrete evidence that shows you there is a God…and a heaven or hell, and we both know why. Now tell me what evidence besides God appearing before you and introducing himself would you accept?”

“The Bible, some say it’s the oldest book in the world yet others say it’s just a book of tales and can’t be proven and these are all so called scholars in their fields. So are the places in the Bible real? Can characters in this Bible be proven to have existed?” I responded. To which he nodded his head in understanding. “Ok then Freckle’s let’s research the Bible, let’s research the writers and let’s not care about what some would say. Let’s find out what we accept as proof shall we?” I nodded my head yes and immediately regretted it. I felt the throb of a headache crawling down my neck and lifted my hand to rub it.

Mark noticed and said it was time to get me home. He ushered me into his truck. The fresh air did me some good and by the time we pulled in the driveway at the homestead I felt much better. Mark got out and came around opening the door for me and placing his hand under my arm helped me out.

I walked up onto the porch and said goodnight. Mark said he would call me tomorrow and turned to go. I stood there watching him as he opened the door of his truck. I turned toward the house as I heard him slam his truck door. Expecting to hear the engine roar to life I looked back when I heard the gravel crunch. Mark bounded onto the top step of the porch and pulled me into his arms, cupping the back of my head in his hand and whispered “Bobbi Daniels I know I said I wouldn’t push you but I need to kiss you as badly as I need oxygen to breathe.” I didn’t hesitate I simply whispered “yes”.

His lips met mine and I melted like butter on a hot skillet. Now I knew I’d kissed a few boys, but I had never kissed a man, not a man like this. When he took his lips away I groaned in protest. Then I realized I was off the ground. Somehow I had wrapped my arms around his neck. If he had just let go of me I’d be dangling off his neck like a chain on a rear view mirror. Mark eased me back onto the porch as the light beside the back door came on. I hastily withdrew my arms and smoothed my shirt. Mom stepped out and said “I thought I heard you leave Mark”.

Mark smiled at her, winked at me and said “yes ma’am I opened my door but remembered I forgot something.” Mom looked at his empty hands and looked back at me and asked him “what did you forget son?” 

“This” he replied as he leaned forward cupped my face in his hands and kissed me full on the mouth right in front of my mother. “I just couldn’t leave without that” he assured her then turned and got in his truck and drove away. I watched him till he disappeared from view. My mother cleared her throat and I jumped. I’d forgotten she was there. I faced her and she grinned from ear to ear. I put my fingers to my mouth, my lips were still tingling.

“That good huh?” Mom asked brazenly. “Mother!” I responded leaving her to wonder if I was shocked at her question or confirming that indeed it was just that good.” She said “rascal” under her breath as she went back inside.

I continued on up the stairs and into my room. I went into the bathroom and as I washed my face I examined my mouth. I had never in my life been kissed so deeply and so completely. I felt light headed and it had nothing to do with my brain tumor. Why I almost had the vapors I thought giggling as I crawled in between the covers. I knew one thing, there wasn’t a man on earth I could ever kiss that could do it better than Mark Addison just did. I felt my cheeks flush just thinking about it and knew I wanted more. I knew it was way too fast but it’s not like I had all the time in the world.

The sun coming up didn’t even wake me but the smell of fresh biscuits did. I hastened to the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth, smoothed my hair with my hands, pulled on my robe and padded barefoot into the kitchen and immediately regretted not brushing my hair. There stood Mark leaning against the counter as dad poured coffee.

“What are you doing here?” I asked self consciously smoothing at my hair and straightening my robe.

“Honey we talked Mark into joining us for breakfast now why don’t you skidaddle back upstairs, get dressed and join us.” Dad said as he clapped Mark on the shoulder then carried their coffee onto the porch.

I rushed back to the bedroom, dressed and brushed my hair. This time I pulled it back into a pony tail.

I stepped through the door and Mark stood up. He held his hand out to me and I placed mine in it. He pulled out my chair and once I was seated he sat back down beside me.

I looked at him with a question on my face to which he explained the reason for his early morning visit. “I’ve got a few meetings at the prison today so last night I gathered some material that I thought you could look through plus you left your computer in my truck.” Remembering the kiss and attributing my forgetfulness to that event I bit my bottom lip willing myself not to blush. I failed and the smile Mark gave me said he noticed.

“Thank you, that’s so thoughtful.” I said and I meant it. I picked up my hand and placed it on top of his. I looked across the table and my dad was watching me, a genuine smile of satisfaction on his face. It was obvious they both approved, but that made me worry. Did they think a relationship with Mark would delay the inevitable or were they just wanting me to be happy for a while not thinking about how this would hurt him in the end? All I had to do is reverse the situation in my mind. That kiss had changed everything. If Mark only had months to live and I’d be left without him I’d be devastated. This wasn’t fair. I didn’t realize I was wringing my hands together in my lap until Mark reached under the table and captured them both in one hand. His touch soothed me but it didn’t change the way I was thinking. I couldn’t let myself be this selfish. I couldn’t hurt him deliberately just to derive as much happiness as I could for a few more months. I just couldn’t do it no matter how badly I wanted to.

We ate and Mark came inside and showed me the material he brought, mom suggested he take it upstairs for me. He nodded at me and I led the way to June’s room. Mark sat the stuff down on the table. I stood timidly, my thoughts racing. My fear gaining speed as I avoided his eyes and ignored his outstretch hand. Mark exhaled loudly then sat down on the bed.

 His voice was ragged when he spoke, thick with emotion. “Don’t do it Bobbi, please don’t do it.” Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him. He reached out his hands and dragged me onto his knee. He wrapped both arms around me and I felt the tears on his cheek as he buried his face in the curve of my neck. I placed my palm against his neck and felt ashamed of the pain I was causing him. The best thing I could do was end this now, it would only get worse. Loving him knowing I would leave him was a horrible thing to do.

“I need you to listen to me. You have to understand these feelings you are beginning to have for me, they may be new to you, but they aren’t for me. I’ve loved you for so long Bobbi. I know you have a brain tumor, I know your prognosis. All I’m asking is please don’t shut me out. Let me love you for the rest of your life. I promise to live life for the both of us if you die.”

I pulled back and raised his chin. I looked deeply into his eyes, he had to blink away the tears to see me clearly as I whispered “not if Mark, when…when I die.” He looked at me and repeated it nodding his head “when you die Bobbi, when you die.” I wiped away his tears and with my hands cupping his face i was lost. I couldn’t stop myself. I lowered my lips to his.

I stroked the side of his neck and trailed kisses across his cheek, it was smooth and freshly shaved. Mark adjusted me off his lap to sit beside him. I took a deep breath. This man had captured my heart and I didn’t understand how it happened so fast! I’d dated a few guys but none steady or worth repeating. I’d kissed a few when they dropped me off but I’d always pull away and I had never initiated the kiss. I had never been moved enough to want to kiss them. Last nights kiss was entirely different. I had never felt what I could only describe as a heat course through me. I didn’t want to pull away in reality I wanted intimacy I’d never desired before. This…thing, this passion was progressing way too quickly.

“What are we doing? This is too fast. I mean trust me when I tell you a first date usually gets a brushing kiss on the cheek…but this?…Mark!” I fanned my blushing cheeks with my hand. He took my hands and kissed my palms. Chill bumps sprang out all over me and I had to hold my breath to keep from gasping.

A resolve settled over me. I didn’t know why, but somehow I knew that when I took my last breath he would be there. He would hold me and I would leave this existence for whatever came after having loved and having been loved by an amazing man. The only regret I had was not seeing him years ago. We could of had a decade of love, and kids, I could of had his babies. How I wished I’d known then what I now knew.

Mark whispered “I love you.” I opened my mouth to say it back but he put his finger against my lips. “Not yet, when you have your answers and you’re confident in what you believe then you can tell me everything, but until then get used to hearing it. I’ve said it a million times inside my head and every time I’ve seen you I’ve whispered it. Now it’s out and I can’t help it. Bobbi Daniels I love you.” As I giggled he stood and walked to the door.

“I have to go to work, but I’ll be back here by six. I’m gonna spend every minute I can with you.” Mark said then brushed a kiss on top of my head. I grabbed his hand and stood up raising my face for his kiss. “Nope, you stay right there. If I kiss you again…” his voiced trailed off and his eyes went directly to the bed before he brought them back to mine. “Well just you remember I’m a preacher, but I’m a man and there’s only so much I can stand at one time. This being the time I am not in control of my emotions and Bobbi Daniels what you do to me it’s…well you know.” With that he left. 

“Where’s the fire?” June asked as she came in the room. “Mark tore out of here like a man on a mission. Did you make him mad?”

“Nope. Have you talked to mom?” She shook her head no in response. “Go ask her what’s wrong with Mark.” At that June did just that. I was laying across my bed waiting for the interrogation to begin. June breezed through the bathroom door having first gone to her old room. She sat down on the bed and remained silent. I looked at her and being a smarty pants put my hand on her forehead as if I were checking her for a fever. She slapped my hand away and laughed at me. “So you and Mark get all smoochy and you don’t even call me. You don’t share the nitty gritty? Why you being so mean to me?” She stuck her bottom lip out in a mock pout.

“Sister dear, you set me up, I didn’t want you to get the big head just because you were right…he does love me.” I said softly, my voice trailing to a mere whisper. I rolled over onto my stomach. “Love? How do you know? Did he say that?” I nodded my head yes and she sat down on the floor bringing her closer to my face. “Out with it, the whole thing! I mean every last detail, don’t you leave one word out.”

For the next few hours we talked, we cried and we laughed. We ended up as we usually did, both laying on the bed our heads close together one arm locked in the others or holding hands. I thought about something Mark said and I raised up on one elbow and looked at June. “I love you June bug.” She reached out and tweaked my nose “I know that silly, it goes without saying.”

I sat up my tone serious. “No, it’s doesn’t. I have a lifetime of saying I love you to cram into a few months time. Get used to it as Mark told me because I’m gonna say it a lot. I’m not just saying it to be saying it. I love you June.” She sat up and she shook her head, “alright then, and you know that I love you too”. Her voice was husky and her lips quivered but she held back the tears. She understood.

“Can I ask you a question? Did you and Buddy ever…you know…fornicate?” I inhaled sharply and responded emphatically “NO!”. 

“So I can assume that since you’ve only kissed a few that you’re still…er pure?” She stopped there. I finished it for her…”as the driven snow”.

June thought about it for a few minutes before asking “don’t you want to? I mean at least once before”… she trailed off, her eyes downcast. “Before I die?” She nodded her head yes, obviously uncomfortable but wanting to know. “Until he kissed me I’d never even wanted to, but let me tell you when Mark kissed me something happened and for the first time I wanted more,  but not just more…I wanted him.”

“That could be a problem cause I’d bet you he’s as pure as you are. Mark’s views are Biblical and sex without marriage is a big no no.”

She gave me something to think about for sure, but what was the harm in kissing him? We were both adults and we could control ourselves. Now I had another question to deal with…”did I want to?” That answer came very easy. No I did not want to control myself. I remembered the feel of his skin, how he smelled and what his kisses did to me. Just his smoldering look took my breath away and made me want to get closer to him, to press myself against him…oh no! I was as hormonal as it gets. Poor Mark, for his sake I’d have to be on my best behavior. I didn’t want to cause him to violate his faith, but it wasn’t going to be easy.

Realizing June was watching me a smirk on her face brought an abrupt halt to where my thoughts were going. I might need a shower, a cold one at that.

June left and I poured over the material Mark had left. There were serious archeological finds that corresponded to people in the Bible. There was also a historian from way back then who recorded stuff. I couldn’t wait for Mark to get here so we could talk about it.

5th chapter

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Five

When six o’clock came and went I gave up looking out the door and went back upstairs. Mark was always early, or he had been so far. Maybe he changed his mind? Maybe he had an accident! My heart twisted. I was suddenly very afraid. Then I heard him coming up the driveway, at least I hoped it was Mark.

I started down the stairs and got so dizzy I had to sit down. Colors were swirling around me and I felt a wave of nausea. I held on to the spindles, closing my eyes and pressed my forehead against them. One moment I felt like I was falling then solid arms held me. My eyes fluttered open briefly, all I could see were the swirling colors but I heard his voice.

“Bobbi, it’s me baby. I’ve got you.” He drew me close and I felt myself being lifted. I heard mom saying ‘in here, in here.’. It didn’t matter where in here was, Mark was here and I was in his arms so I snuggled against him. When I woke up the lights were off except for the one in the bathroom. The door was cracked and the light painted one corner of my room.

“Mark?” I asked into the semi darkness. He reached out and cupped the side of my face. “What happened?”

Lisa leaned over me and answered. “Sounds like you had an aura. That can happen before a seizure. You got faint but you didn’t have an actual seizure. Sometimes something can happen that brings you out of it and apparently that something was Reverend Addison.”

I wrinkled up my forehead and raised my head up. “Pastor Bryan?” I said. Mark chuckled put his lips to my ear and whispered “No, she means me, silly.” That made me smile. It took me a little while but finally I was capable of coherent thought again. After assurances from Lisa and myself that I was fine Mark excused himself.

Lisa questioned me about my medication and I realized I hadn’t taken it all day. She lectured me on the necessity that I not miss taking the pills.  She explained that I would need to go to the lab tomorrow for a blood draw. Mom said I’d be there and thanked her. Once Lisa left I apologized to mom and my sister.

“Oh honey it’s okay, I didn’t remind you once about your medicine today.” She said guiltily. “It’s not your medicine mom, it’s mine, I shouldn’t have to be reminded, well not yet anyway.” I stated, wondering just how far away that really was.

Pushing up onto my elbow I swung my feet to the floor scanning the area for my shoes. Mom knew what I was looking for and picked them up and handed them to me. I was about to get up when I heard pounding coming from Junes room and the sound of grunting. What in the world was going on in there?

Mom stopped me from asking, by telling me it was a surprise “just wait for it”. I didn’t argue, I was feeling tired.

“Did Mark leave?” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice.”

“Of course not. Child if you could have seen him. He came through the back door his eyes searching for you, when he saw you sitting there holding on to the stair thingies, just like that,” she demonstrated snapping her fingers in the air “he bounded up those stairs and scooped you up just as you started to faint. He carried you downstairs and just stood there holding you. I told him to follow me up and he carried you in here, and laid you down. He brushed your hair back, made sure you were on your side and knelt down beside the bed. Held your hand and started praying.” Moms voice broke and June sniffled before she continued. “He didn’t stop till you called his name. That boy loves you my dear.”

I crooked my finger at her asking her silently to come closer. She bent down and I whispered “I love him too Mom but he won’t let me say it yet.” She straightened and said simply “all in due time precious, all in due time.”

The doorway was dwarfed by Marks massive frame as he stuck his head in to check on me.

“You good Bobbi?” I nodded my head and couldn’t help but tease him a little. “Wait, it’s Bobbi now is it? Just when I thought you renamed me bay-bee!” I drew out the syllables for effect. Mark laughed and advanced into the room. He scooped me up and I squealed. He carried me like I was a tiny rag doll explaining as he carried me down the stairs “if it’s bay-bee you want then bay-bee it is. I can call you bay-bee all day long, baby. But for now we missed dinner and Lisa told me you needed to eat and take your medicine.” My cheeks were flushed as he sat me down at the table, brushed his lips against my neck and very softly his voice low said “I love you Bobbi.” Before turning and bounding back up the stairs.

June barely avoided colliding with Mark at the top of the stairs. “That guy’s a tornado with legs.” She declared as she sat down. “What’s going on?” I asked. June held up both hands, shook her head no and said innocently “not mine to tell, not mine to tell.”

Mom sat a plate of pot roast in front of me and held out the bottles of medicine. I took my pills and ate a quarter of the food she had piled on the plate. The group of men came downstairs and descended on the kitchen. I hadn’t realized Jed was here also. He leaned over my shoulder kissed me on the forehead and said “hey”. I inquired where the kids were and June said the neighbors daughter was babysitting tonight. When the guys returned I realized we were short two chairs. I was about to ask when Jed said “it’s okay we got this”. June stood up and Jed sat down guided his wife back down onto his knee turned both hands up and they all took each other’s hands. Jed said the blessing and they started eating. I rested my chin in my hand and watched every bite Mark took. I feasted my eyes. Not for the first time I thought he was absolutely delicious.

He smiled and laughed openly at Jed as he teased June about the chunky gravy she made when they first got married. June reached back patted his not so flat belly and told him she hadn’t seen him complaining in the last seven or eight years. Jed claimed she told him that was just more to love. Mark chimed in that a spare tire didn’t mean a tractor size spare. They all laughed and June turned put her arm around her husbands neck, kissed him on the cheek and affirmed that she loved him. Jed stuck his chin out in mock vindication and said “see” to which June added “every ounce baby, every ounce”. Uproarious laughter filled the room

I loved my family and I wondered if I’d miss this, if somewhere in the universe I’d be alone and missing the joy of the Daniels household. I hoped that wouldn’t be the case. My gaze came back to Mark.  Mom had placed a bowl of apple pie in front of him and he was enjoying every bite. When he realized I was watching him he took a small bite onto the fork and offered it in my direction. I nodded yes and opened my mouth as he placed the warm apple pie on my tongue. The fork he held was forgotten as he fixed his eyes on my bottom lip. He was momentarily frozen then he raised his eyes to mine. His lashes were long and dark. The liquid pools riveted to mine now. I knew what he was feeling because I felt it too. That quickening of my pulse as my stomach muscles seemed to tighten. We were surrounded by my family but we were alone at the same time. Lost in each other conveying what words couldn’t explain. Jed took that moment to embarrass us all.

“Get lost somewhere Mark? That pie isn’t gonna eat it’s self.” June brought her elbow back sharply connecting with his shoulder.. Everybody laughed as I recovered and the tinge of a blush faded from Marks neck. 

Mark sat the fork down wagged his finger in Jed’s direction then stood up and cleared his throat. What he said next made me want to cry, it touched me in a way that elicited so much pride for the man that he was yet at the same time put limits around our relationship. Realizing that it didn’t diminish his feelings for me it merely broadened the picture of who he was.

“Mr. Daniels, Mrs. Carolyn. I guess it’s no secret to anyone here that I love your daughter, I’ve loved her for a very long time. I want to be with her. I want to spend every waking minute that I can here. If you’ll let me? I don’t want to be disrespectful in any way. I want to study with her, but it’s not quite appropriate to do that in your home closed up in a bedroom. I’m a grown man and the temptation is just too great” he admitted. “I made a vow to God a long time ago to honor and keep His word. I don’t take that commitment lightly and I won’t dishonor Him for anything or anyone.” With that he looked down at me. He was telling me that even though he loved me deeply his love for Jesus, his commitment to Jesus, would always be first. Not only in his mind but in his heart. How could I not admire a person that had such a sense of honor and lived it? Whether I believed as he did or not I had never met a stronger person of character than Mark. “Now I’m not just asking y’all, I’m asking you too Bobbi. If my being here as much as I can is what you want and if you can understand my commitment to God has to come first. Bobbi I want to honor God, you and this family.”

I looked at my parents and shook my head so they could know my answer was yes. It was yes because I knew as short as my time left might be I wanted to spend it with him. My dad stood and said “Welcome to the family son, make yourself at home when your here and when your not here hurry back”  as he stuck out his hand toward Mark. They shook hands and smiled. He mouthed the words ‘thank you’ and turned to me. I stood up said ‘yes’ and put my arms around his waist. He enfolded me in his arms, resting his chin on the top of my head. I felt his heart thumping hard against my cheek. He hadn’t been sure of our response at all.

“Ok now, time for your surprise.” I pulled back and looked up at him. “Come on”. He turned slid his hand down my arm and captured my hand and headed upstairs. Sitting in the room was Mark’s desk, the desk from his study. The enormous chair and shelves lined with books. The bed, dresser and table were gone. The only thing that remained of the old furniture was the recliner sitting in the corner, a floor lamp was now beside it and the pillows and quilt he had brought down the night I was at his house draped over the arm. The missing dining room chairs were now on each side of the window. I glanced toward the bathroom door and Mark walked over and turned the knob. A brand new shiny handle was there in place of the old one, the one that didn’t lock. He turned the knob and the door refused to open. It was locked from the other side. “When I’m here I’ll be using the bathroom off the den.” 

He thought of everything, but where did the bed and dresser go I asked. Jed said to their house, J.J. their son, was ready for a real bed, he was tired of the bunk beds. Once everybody left the room and we were finally alone I had one more question.

“So Reverend Addison does this mean no more kissing?” I stared up at him trying to be the epitome of innocence. He grinned, crossed the room and put his hands in his back pockets bent down and kissed me gently then asked “how was that?”

I understood the game now. “Well you know…I’ve had better…but it was nice, real nice.” He stepped closer and this time he took one hand out of his pocket placed it at the back of my head and kissed me deeper. He leaned back looked down at me “and that?”.

“To be honest all I think you need is a little more practice” I suggested. “Maybe your right, bay-bee.” He lowered his voice, the color of his light blue eyes darkening, as he drew out the syllables and I felt myself tremble. He took me in his arms claiming my lips, pulling me close against him. When he drug his mouth from mine he trailed kisses across my cheek and down my neck then captured my ear lobe. When he finally lifted his head and looked into my eyes I couldn’t stop the words. He had told me not yet but I couldn’t hold them back. I breathed “I lo—”. He kissed me again stopping the words from leaving my lips. Now I completely understood why the bed had to be gone. What I didn’t understand however was why he wouldn’t just let me say it. He had to know. I trembled at his touch, clung to every word and gobbled him up with my eyes. He had to know I thought again, because I certainly did.

“You know we really need to use this room to study in.” He admonished. Feeling brazen I said “okay then, we can go to your house to make out.” Mark laughed and pointed to the chair behind the desk. He went over to the recliner and sat down. Following his lead I sat down in the chair.

“So tell me did you make any discoveries today?” With that question I raced to my room gathered the material I’d read and hurried back.

I asked him about Josephus, I was rewarded with a wealth of knowledge. It seem he wrote historical accounts of the Jews. He naturally had skeptic’s, that was par for the course even in his day. We researched documents about him and I was amazed at Mark’s knowledge. I absorbed as much as I could in the next few hours until his yawn made me aware that it was late. He kissed me goodnight at the top of the stairs and made his way home.

The week seemed to fly by. Other than the trip to have my blood drawn I spent most of my time studying. I read through as much information as I could trying to find evidence, actual artifacts that connected people in the Bible and they become more than stories.

Finally it was Saturday night. Mark was upstairs working on his mid day service at the prison. I was outside watching the chickens. It was close to sundown. The sky was a mass of golden colors. Tomorrow was Sunday, my family had missed a months worth of services already. I found out that Mark attended family services in the morning then had a one o’clock service every Sunday at the prison. Apparently attendance had grown and more inmates were joining in. Mark had quite a few volunteers who brought music to the services and helped him with equipment. I also learned that services Mark conducted were recorded as well as weekly teachings he did once a week all of which he made available online. He explained that the families of inmates could also participate this way..

I’d spent so many years trying to build up a wall that separated science from any form of religion but the deeper I got into the discoveries by actual scientist’s, people amazingly not biased either way for the most part. They weren’t people trying to prove points or dissuade anyone or create theories. They were in search of discoveries that showed the lives of people thousands of years ago. The more I learned the more my self built wall began to topple. Clearly I’d believed what I wanted to believe. Which is exactly what I had accused believer’s of doing. 

I discovered the earliest historical documents that, independent of the Bible, recounted the plagues that were attested to in Exodus and the dates verified their time frame. The Tel Dan Stela, that was the icing, so to speak, on the cake that settled the truth of the Hebrew Bible in my mind. They recorded historical writings that solidified the existence of King David. All discovered, translated and verified by scientist’s . What was even more astounding was the fact that they were recorded not by a Hebrew but by an enemy of the House Of David. The actual physical finding of Joshua’s alter validated the Torah for me. Joshua! After Moses died Joshua led the children of Israel over the Jordan River. I found the Pool of Silom had been discovered and the tunnel built by Hezekiah. That tied the Old Testament to the New, the place where Jesus healed the blind man.

I turned my attention to the New Testament. Josephus an ancient Jewish historian, although there is argument as to how he phrased things, verifies the existence of Jesus merely by mentioning him and his brother James. I looked at information about the shroud of Turin and found it amazing. I watched videos about it and stumbled on the name of Pontious Pilate. Coins from the actual years that coincide with the trial and execution of Jesus were excavated. Then I found where it was reported that further examination of the shroud with a more sophisticated computer had shown the same Pilot coins marked on the shroud. The shroud believed to have been covering the body of Jesus when he was placed in the tomb.My heart felt like it was being squeezed. I looked at the photos showing the Pilot coins on the eyes of the crucified Messiah. All discovered by scientists.

All these years I had touted science and never bothered to search for myself. The Bible was true, the Bible locations were real places and the things recorded were not stories by made up authors. It was real! I knew it! I’d heard that once you see something you couldn’t unsee it. I’d had my hands over my eyes for a very long time out of stubbornness and selfishness now it was time to concede. I no longer supported the scientific theories, I’d seen the truth. I couldn’t wait to tell Mark. I glanced up at the window. The light was off. Maybe he was through and I could tell him what I’d realized.

I made my way upstairs and opened the door. He was sitting in the recliner, his worn Bible across his chest. It was in the reclined position but his legs extended way past it. The setting sun cast a faint light across him as he slept. He was absolutely the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. How did I not notice him before? I wiped away tears of regret. Then I thought about everything else I’d chosen to turn a blind eye to.

I sat there for an hour or better just watching him sleep. The air conditioner kicked on and I shivered. I stood up and stretched then bent down and wrapped the quilt around my shoulders. Mark stirred and the Bible shifted. I picked it up gently trying not to wake him and laid it on the chair I’d been sitting in. I eased myself onto the arm of the recliner just to be closer to him for a little while longer. He raised his arm over his head, opened his eyes a fraction and breathed my name. It was all I could do not to kiss him. I was about to get up when he brought his arm down wrapped it around me and drew me onto the chair with him.

“Don’t go yet” he whispered. I snuggled against him and breathed in the scent of him. He was warm and it was amazing. What would it be like I thought, just to be held in his arms, be held by him every night. Problem being there would just not be enough nights. Even if I weren’t sick and we could spend the next sixty years together it wouldn’t be enough. I listened to his even breathing and my thoughts drifted off. I’d just savor a few more moments…and I drifted off to sleep.

I felt him caressing my hair and nuzzled my cheek against his shoulder. Raising my head I placed my lips against his neck. He groaned my name and held me tighter as his hand slid down my back. My immediate response was to slip my hand inside the collar of his shirt. It would have been so easy to give in to every urge my body was screaming for but at this point I knew it would be wrong. I wasn’t going to put him in a position where he had to stop me. I was going to honor this man and his vows. I wasn’t going to make it harder for him. I kissed his neck lightly then removed my hand and whispered “time to go home.”

“I need you to be refreshed tomorrow.” I whispered again. “I could feel his chest vibrating as he mumbled “mm-hmm why is that?” “Because I need you to help me meet Jesus.” I said timidly.

Mark sat straight up pushing the foot of the recliner down with a loud thud at the same time he found the cord to the lamp stand and turned on the light. He grabbed both my shoulders and held me away from him looking me straight in the eyes.

“Say that again” he said seriously. “Because I need you to help me meet Jesus.” I repeated.

He hugged me to him tightly and I felt him begin to shake, then I realized he wasn’t shaking he was sobbing. It was as if a tidal wave of emotion slammed over us both. I was now sobbing too and in minutes his shirt was soaked with our tears. There was no holding this back. He tried to explain through his sobbing in broken sentences.

“All these…years of…praying for two things…for you to see…Jesus…and if it was His will…for you to finally see me”. He drew in a ragged breath wiped his nose on his sleeve but didn’t release me. He held me tight. “And here I am holding you in my arms and you just asked me to help you see Jesus. I’m in the middle of a miracle.”

He finally stopped crying and began to laugh. He laughed out loud. He couldn’t help it. When my parents came through the door in bathrobes we tried to apologize but couldn’t.

“Well I’m glad y’all are laughing because at first I could of sworn Mark was crying and that scared me real bad!” Mom explained. That sobered me but Mark held up his hand and said “wait” still trying to recover.

I got off his lap and dropped the quilt so mom could see I was still fully dressed and so was Mark but her forehead was still wrinkled and dad had his arms folded across his chest frowning. I started explaining first, after all they were my parents and a glance at the clock on the wall behind the recliner read one twelve in the morning.

“I was sitting with Mark and we fell asleep, then when we woke up…” my voice trailed off and I blushed crimson. I couldn’t explain exactly what happened when we woke up, but my blush pretty much covered it.

Mark stood up and stretched out his hand…”but wait there’s more to it…ahh see you were right, I was bawling. Ten years of pain just broke loose. Your daughter, your precious, beautiful daughter just asked me to help her meet Jesus”.

My daddy bear hugged Mark while my mother sobbed. When daddy let go of Mark he hugged me and Mark wrapped his arms around my mother. When the celebratory tears were over we all went down stairs. Mom put the coffee on and daddy cut four huge pieces of chocolate cake.

6th chapter

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Six

We gathered at the table as I shared my discoveries. Mom and dad hung on every word. When I told them about the shroud and the coins I thought my hands would break. They both reached out and grabbed a hand and glanced at each other. Dad said praise God again for the umpteenth time while sitting there and moms poor handkerchief was wrung to death and I had this sense of joy, almost a euphoria like I’d never known.

Mark sat silently beside me his second piece of cake now gone. He encouraged me as I told about my discoveries nodding his head, stroking my hair or rubbing his hand down my arm. As the clock in the den chimed, it’s six A.M. call made my eyes widen. The hours had flown by and the days events beckoned. I was amazed at how refreshed and alert we were. There was no remorse. This night began a whole new chapter for me.

“It’s about that time.” Mark stated and stood up. I followed his face having to lean back because my neck didn’t bend that far, if it did my head would most definitely fall off. “For what?” I asked, knowing he’d have to go home and shower and dress for church. “It’s a thing I do every morning just before the sun comes up, you want to come?” I nodded my head yes and said I’d have to get my shoes, remembering I’d left them next to the chair upstairs. “You won’t need em.” He assured me.

I followed him through the back door and onto the porch where he instructed me to wait. I watched him stride to the back door of his truck and retrieve what looked like an oversized exercise mat and a smaller Bible. He returned to the porch handed the rolled up mat to me then gathered me in his arms whispering against my temple “the grass is wet baby” as he strode toward the pasture on the east side of the house. Once we arrived he told me to untie the string and throw the mat down and I obeyed. He sat me down on the mat stepped around me and opened his Bible. As the sun topped the trees I stood with the man I loved as he began his day like he would every day for the rest of his life. I felt honored to be a witness to his undying love and devout faith in Jesus. I listened intently.

“I come before you Lord to give thanks because your mercy endures forever. As the Psalmist David wrote this is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Father, this day I have more joy and more reason to be thankful than ever before. You have remembered me and granted my prayers”…his voice broke with emotion…”I give you all honor and praise for your mercy and your faithfulness. I was nothing but a shell until the day you filled me with your love. I stand before you as an open vessel, search my heart and know that I remain your servant. Don’t let me falter in doing your will. I seek to honor you in all that I do, and let all that I do glorify you. Teach me Lord, write your word on my heart. Help me to be as the Apostle Paul humble in spirit and knowledgeable in your ways, let your presence go before me. Let your praise be forever on my lips. Help me to be as bold as Peter in preaching your gospel and as meek a servant as Steven. Let me conduct my life so that I am prudent in my financial matters that I may prosper and sew into your Kingdom. Forever mindful that my confidence is in Jesus. Thank you for the blood that washes away my sin. I ask that you keep me repentant and that you bring swift conviction to my heart. I ask this and all things in the name of Jesus.”

I scrubbed the tears that ran down my face with the back of my hand. I sat down on the mat as he prayed, the reverence of the moment amazed me and I felt so guilty that I didn’t know Jesus like that.

Mark came around and sat down behind me, drew me back against him as the sunlight of a new day kissed our skin. “Tell me Mark, through your eyes, how you first saw Jesus.” I asked.

“I was young, I’d grown up in a preachers house. I’d heard the gospel my whole life, and for some stupid reason I thought I was covered. Naturally I had repeated the sinners prayer but I just said what I was told I had to say. That’s how religious people do it. They just repeat what’s said and go their merry way. They talk to Him over the blessing at the dinner meal or if somebody says ‘pray for me’ they say a little prayer and they are done.” His voice was so rich and so deep. As he spoke I could form pictures in my mind of the boy he had been. I shifted slightly so I could see him over my shoulder as he continued.

“Then one day I was gonna do my Sunday school lesson and just get it over with. Taking the lesson plan and my little Bible I turned it to Mark chapter sixteen. It was almost resurrection Sunday, I’d heard the story, been in the plays, this was gonna be easy I thought.” Mark chuckled and his hand warmed the back of my neck as he ran his fingers through my hair. 

“The women had gone down to where Jesus was buried. An angel, apparently, told her he had risen then he said go and tell his disciples AND Peter…it had my full attention then. Peter was a disciple too but the way that read he wasn’t then. I went back all the way to baby Jesus. I got down to where Peter chickened out. So much for the brave guy who whipped out that sword, the protector of the Lord, Peter denied him and Jesus looked at him. Oh the guilt I thought! What a traitor!” Mark glanced down at me and smiled. He was enjoying the memory and how it all happened.

“Then I couldn’t stop reading because Peter was an Apostle, I remembered God sent him to Cornelius later. When I got to the part where Jesus asked Peter three times if Peter loved him I knew. I wasn’t supposed to just know about Jesus and what he suffered. I was supposed to love him, if I didn’t love him I wasn’t any better than the Peter that denied him. Then I wondered how on earth could Jesus forgive that? I mean if one of my buddies had done me like Peter did I’d of beat the tar outta him. Then I thought about who Jesus was. I read John, the very first five scriptures and it all came together in my mind.”

He didn’t even have to read it to me. He opened the Bible and pointed to the first line as he handed it to me…

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended a it not…and I saw Jesus.”

“That twisted my heart and tears just oozed out of me. Jesus wasn’t just amazing HE was God. He came from heaven. He did love me, I knew my daddy would throw himself in front of a bus to save me but knowing that the creator himself would come all the way down here and let His rotten, selfish, vain, greedy totally blind created beings do what they did to him…it was my undoing. I knew I needed to ask Him to forgive me and I did. Right then and right there.” I wiped away tears and I knew exactly what he meant. I didn’t just need to, I wanted to. Mark was watching my face, tears rimmed his eyes. I opened my mouth looked up at him, conveying that I didn’t know how to say it out loud.

“It’s okay baby, it’s a tremendous thing trying to speak to the Almighty God for the very first time.” He cupped my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs. “I’m not going to tell you what to say, that has to come from your heart to His. Scripture says we must confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord. That means we know without reservation that He died on that cross for our sins. That He rose again. Believing means you trust in Him and you trust that His salvation is yours.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and said “Jesus please forgive me, I’m so sorry, I know you died for me. Please teach me to walk with you.” I felt such a wave of relief wash over me. I had a lot to learn but I wanted to know everything I could. I sat there contemplating the step I had just taken and deep inside I knew Jesus would be with me…The Son of God would be with me always. Suddenly I no longer had an expiration date. I would live forever with Jesus.

After a while Mark turned me around in his arms, framed my face with his hands, looked me in the eyes and said so tenderly almost pleadingly “now, say it now.”. I knew what he meant.

I placed my hands on his wrists and said “Mark Addison I love you with all my heart.” He enfolded me in his loving embrace.

We were going to be late for church. I ran upstairs and Mark hurried to his house. I got ready as fast as I could. I was heading for my parents car when Mark came speeding up the driveway and jumped out, heading right to me. He was wearing a suit and a tie. My heart turned over and my mouth fell open. There was no denying that I had been either blind or the dingiest girl on earth to have let that pass right on by me until a month ago.

He held out his hand and said “please”. I took it willingly and my parents drove away as he opened the driver’s door. I slid in. He took his place behind the wheel. Then we headed for the road. When we came to a stop he said with a boyish grin.

“I know we aren’t wearing seat belts but I’ve waited two times longer than any guy I know to have my girl ride next to me so I could do this, as he draped his arm around my shoulders, “and this” he whispered kissing me softly.

I was as giddy as a schoolgirl. I enjoyed the leisurely ride to the country church we both grew up in. As we pulled in the parking lot was full. We hurried inside. The music was playing and the choir was singing. Every eye followed us as Mark held my hand and led me to where Jed and June were sitting. He stood to the side as I slid into the pew. Then took his seat. He lifted his right arm and with such a look of happiness placed it across my shoulders tucking me against his side. My mind made a mental check, another thing Mark had never done.

June whispered “y’all are so cute! Congratulations by the way” she said as she nodded her head toward our mother who was sitting beside Mark’s. They were holding hands and wiping tears whispering away. Marks mother looked up and caught my eye. She placed her finger to her lips and blew me a kiss then dabbed her eyes madly. I was relieved. Inside I was afraid they would not appreciate the fact that Mark had waited for me and be afraid of the coming pain.

When the service was over he took my hand and headed to where his parents stood talking with mine. There was no hesitation, his parents embraced him and wiped at their tears. Then they enfolded me in a group hug.

Mark waved June over and whispered in her ear, she nodded and took my hand, turned and lead me down the hallway to the fellowship hall. “What are we doing?” I asked. It had been many years since I’d been in here.

“I don’t know” she said shrugging her shoulders. “June!” I said threateningly. “Look I don’t know okay? Mark asked me to bring you here and wait for him.”

By the time she said that I could hear voices and footsteps coming down the hallway. Mark led the way followed by both sets of parents and Jed. I looked questioningly at him and he simply smiled. 

When he bent down on one knee I heard June squeal and I felt my cheeks flush. He reached in is pocket and pulled out a box. When he opened the box and held it out my gaze never left his face but my pulse picked up momentum.

“Bobbi Daniels I love you, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” It was short and the sweetest thing EVER!”

I threw my self at him as I said “YES!”. He caught me and lifted me up kissing me soundly.  I opened my eyes looked over his shoulder and smiled at my parents. June was wiping at her eyes and winked at me and to my utter surprise Jed was openly weeping.

When Mark finally set me on my feet he said wait a minute. Then held out the ring box. I had forgotten about the ring, I’d jumped on him and ignored the ring. It was the man I wanted. He slid the simple solitary diamond on my finger and kissed me again.

Almost the entire church was still waiting when we came back into the sanctuary. Mark immediately held up my hand and announced “she said yes.” A chorus of congratulations and handshaking ensued. There were many new faces and many I was acquainted with. They all knew and the emotions they felt as they congratulated their Pastors son who was obviously in love with a dying girl I saw on their faces. They were careful with the words they spoke.

Once everyone filtered out I excused myself and went to the ladies room. When I came out I went toward the side door where we parked. A beautiful brunette stood just inside the door. I started to smile but she literally sneered at me. I stopped before placing my hand on the door to exit.

“I’m Melody, I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you.” I said thank you and pushed the door open just a crack. She continued and I turned to face her my body halfway out the door at this point. “Don’t you worry about Mark either I intend to see he gets all the comfort he needs when you”… she let the words trail off. At that moment June threw the door open violently. Mark caught me against him preventing me from falling. June was another matter altogether. They had all heard what Melody said and June was livid.

I saw Melody’s eyes widen as June screeched “why you little” as she lunged. Jed caught her around the waist halting her forward motion. She was demanding Jed let her go as he dragged her back out the door.

My eyes fixed on Melody’s and I stepped away from Mark walking purposefully toward her. I stopped, looked at June and winked. She understood I was telling her ‘I got this”!

Finishing the sentence for Melody I said “when I die you mean? You’ll comfort Mark when I die?” She at least had the decency to blush. “let me tell you something honey I intend to leave him with a lifetime of satisfying memories, but make no mistake that’s my man.”

With that I turned back to Mark strode to him and kissed him breathless this time. I laughed as I heard June encourage me yelling “get it sister” as they pulled out of the parking lot. I turned my attention back to my fiancé. He stepped backwards and bent over placing his hands on his knees.

He said “look here now, I ache for you, and I can’t take much more. Your looking at a man that wants you so bad I literally hurt.”

I grinned at him and was rewarded with the trace of a smile when I told him I wanted him just as bad. He said “seriously this is painful, let me ask you how many thirty-three year old virgins do you know?”

“Well I have first hand knowledge of your twenty-eight year old fiancés virgin state.” I assured him.

“Then my dear can we please, please get married?” He begged. “How soon?” Was my only question. “Is tomorrow too soon?” He asked finally straightening to full height.  “Your dads a preacher, you sure it can’t be tonight?” Mark knew I was teasing and groaned out “I wish.” We both laughed, turned and got into the truck.

I questioned him about being late for his service at the prison. He had called another chaplain filled him in and he had agreed to conduct todays service. That’s when I asked about the ring and wondered if just maybe he had bought it with someone else in mind then decided not to pop the question.

“Absolutely not.” He motioned to the glove box and told me to open it. I complied and pulled the bag from the jewelry store out. I peered inside. Mark handed me the box my engagement ring had been in and inside the bag was a larger box, inside it were two matching silver wedding bands. There was also a receipt for the purchase dated three days after our first kiss. I looked at him in surprise.

“I bought those rings as an act of faith. I told the Lord I believed he would reveal himself to you, you would realize you needed Him and after you experienced the love of God for yourself then I would ask you to marry me. That’s the same reason I wouldn’t let you tell me that you loved me before you loved Jesus. He has to come first. Everything we feel for each other is designed by Him in the first place. He wants us to want to be with Him, to talk to Him and to be so crazy about Him we tell everybody about Him. Intimacy between us is His design to teach us how profoundly we can want, cherish and need.”

“When we experience those things amongst ourselves we can understand the why of it all. God can create as many as He needs to serve Him but when He set things up like He did in the beginning then it flowed naturally and we then had a choice. We could just play along, say we love Him, but He designed us so we would learn intimacy, aside from the animal basic ungodly instincts we have, we understand the basic concepts of devotion. He knows our hearts just like a mother knows the face of her newborn baby. My love for Him is deep, it’s consuming and it’s tangible. I want to talk to him about everything. I long for the day when I can be in His presence. I want to feel a closeness with Him that I don’t share with anybody, solely because He.s my God. I’m never without Him and I know He will never leave me. I know that God is love and when you love, as He loves us, love desires to be loved. I’ve loved you for a very long time and I’ve desired that you love me too.”

“Oh and I do!” I assured him. I put the rings back in the glove box as we pulled in the drive. Our families were all here and it was time to make plans. June and Jed had filled them in on the little incident with Melody and my mom was worried about it’s affect on me. I assured her I was fine but Darlene was mad, she said “just you wait till I see that little hus”… she clamped her hand over her mouth and regained her composure and finished…”tart again”. I tried not to laugh but Mark made that impossible. He loosened his tie as said “it’s alright Mom, my bride to be already showed her…real good” exaggerating the last two words”. I blushed crimson. June said “she sure did and she was still showing her when we left the parking lot!” Then Jed chimed in with “I didn’t know whether to leave Mark at the mercy of Bobbi or drag out the hose to cool him down.”

“Okay, okay that’s enough!” I said lifting my hands in mock surrender. The men retired to the front porch as we assisted the mothers in preparing lunch. Naturally the conversation became all about the wedding. They were making plans and I took mom to the side.

“Mom we don’t have time to plan an elaborate wedding. You know I’m doing good right now but we don’t know how long that will last.” I didn’t want to stop the happiness today had brought her but I did want her to understand.

“I know Bobbi, would a couple of weeks be too long?” She asked. I nodded my head yes then explained. “Mom I’m twenty eight years old and my pilot light just got lit” I said tilting my head to one side “but only God knows how long Marks has been burning.” With that her eyes widened with understanding. “This has to happen we are in a hurry for several reasons.”

Mom assured me she would help and she did, by the time lunch was complete we formulated a plan we all agreed on. The next day was Monday and we would get our marriage license then Thursday night at the church we would have a private wedding. I’d find a dress and Pastor Bryan would officiate. Jed and June would be our attendants and our mothers would take care of the flowers and food. We would all have dinner in the fellowship hall.

Mark said he would take care of the honeymoon details and we would be gone for a week of a two week honeymoon. I asked him where and he said he wanted to surprise me. It had been a long day and everyone was tired. They all went home and my parents settled in for an early evening.

Mark went upstairs to the study room with me, sat down in the recliner and pulled me onto his lap. We sat in each other’s arms in silence. It was so very peaceful, so natural. When I started yawning he told me it was time for him to go, I needed to get some rest.

I drifted off to sleep whispering my thanks to Jesus for the first time in my life.

7th chapter

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Seven

My alarm woke me at five fifteen. I pulled my robe on and reached into the back of my closet pulled out my waterproof boots and slipped downstairs. I made my way out to the field where Mark prayed. I was about to establish my own time with God.

“Lord I’m here. I don’t know how to do this, but I’m going to learn. Thank you for giving me your salvation and for forgiving me. It took me a long time but I see you now! What’s wild for me is I feel you now too! I’m hoping soon I can hear you. Thank you for Mark, he is such a good man. I love him very much. Please watch over him today. I was gonna read a scripture but I forgot to bring the Bible. I’ll do better, I promise. So I’ll say the few verses I can remember. The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not…umm I forgot…uhh hallowed be thy name, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Well Lord I didn’t quite nail it, but I need you to write your word on my heart like Mark said. Thank you Lord, I love you, in Jesus name…I’m just gonna stand here till the sun breaks over the trees and think about you. I’ll see you right back here in the morning…Amen.”

I knew anyone else listening would laugh at me, but God knew what my heart meant. I thought about how I felt yesterday when I listened to Mark pray. He was so elegant. I apologized again to God for not bringing a Bible but the one on the table in the den was huge. The sun began to peak over the trees, the beauty of it was breathtaking, then the warmth touched my face. I closed my eyes as I soaked it in and said “God you are amazing.” Why had I taken his creation for granted so stubbornly? I heard a vehicle coming up the drive, turned and saw Mark.

He exited the truck and headed in my direction. His smile was so sweet. He gathered me in his arms and kissed me good morning. He didn’t have to ask what I was doing, he knew. He looked down at my feet and said “Smart girl. Let’s go get coffee I want to be at the courthouse by eight. We need a marriage license”.

I turned around in front of him and walked backwards. “What seeing me in my robe and slippers,” I pointed to my mud boots, “my hair all over the place doesn’t make you rethink this wedding idea?” I teased.

“Oh it makes me think alright, it makes me think I want to hurry this up cause I’m thinking you aren’t gonna need that robe or what’s under it much.” He raised his eye brows up and down lecherously. 

My mouth fell open and I stopped in front of him.”Mark Addison.” He smiled and said meekly “yes dear?” I stepped closer to him, raised up on my tiptoes which didn’t help me reach my target so I put my hand behind his head and brought it down to meet me, but just before our lips made full contact I whispered “promise?” as provocatively as I could then turned and walked on toward the house. I heard Mark breathe “oh woman” huskily. All I could do was smile.

As we reached the back door June pulled up and parked. I said “You come for coffee?” She said “Maybe,  y’all got some?” We laughed and went in. Mom was putting the biscuits in the oven. School was officially out for summer so dad was still in his pj’s and robe. Mom handed me my box filled with medicine bottles and a glass of orange juice. Mark took the box to the table and sat down. June passed him a cup of coffee and sat down as well. I looked at the only empty chair left and Mark followed my cue scooted his seat back and I sat down on his knee. He opened each bottle and took out the prescribed amount and held them in his palm. I took them one at a time then sat the orange juice in front of him. He reached out and took a drink. 

Mom handed Mark and dad a plate and Mark said that would do for both of us it was way more than he usually ate for breakfast. He alternated eating and feeding me bites until I couldn’t eat any more. I took my coffee cup in both hands and he finished off the plate and the orange juice. I looked at June over the rim of my cup and she was watching us. She caught my eyes and her smile was tender before she remarked “You didn’t eat very much sis.” “Well I’m full of pills before I even get to food.” I quipped, then before I thought about it I said, “but that won’t last much longer now will it?” 

The silence hung like a thick cloud. Mark put his hands on my waist and stood me up and said “You need to get ready and don’t forget your identification we need to get going.” somberly.

When I returned back downstairs everything was back to normal. Mark helped me in the truck and June came bounding out the door. She stopped handed Mark a CD and hopped in the back seat. I turned and looked at her surprise on my face and she informed me “I ain’t missing a minute of any of this, besides that, after the fire y’all ignited in the church parking lot, of all places! You guys need a chaperone, so I’ll be keeping things horizontal till the I do’s are done.” At my open mouth and wide eyes she laughed and mockingly patted herself on the back. Mark laughed out loud.

Mark popped the CD in and turned the volume up. I took the CD jacket and looked at it. “Wow she is beautiful.”

“Yes she is, but wait till you hear her sing! She is my favorite singer. When she sings you feel it.” He said as he patted his chest over his heart. “Now I want you to listen to every word of this song because from this minute on that’s what we are going to do! No more cracks like you made after breakfast.” I opened my mouth to offer an excuse but he was having none of it. “No ma’am. You listen because this is how we live from this day forward.” With that statement he pushed play.

Her voice was so beautiful as I listened to CeCe Winans sing Believe For It. I let the words wash over me. I didn’t want Mark to get his hopes up but maybe it was me that was afraid, afraid of hope? Maybe I was, but now that didn’t make sense because I’d just found hope, hope in Jesus. Mark had kept the faith that I would meet Jesus and I would finally see him and look at us now. We were on our way to get a marriage license! I looked down at my ring as she ended the song. That was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. We pulled into the parking lot and I turned to Mark. There was determination in his eyes as he looked at me. He wanted me to agree. “Okay” I smiled at him “no more wise cracks like that. We are a united front completely…but I’m gonna need that CD…she’s amazing!”

June popped over the back seat hit the eject button, pulled out the CD and held out her hand for the case. I handed it back to her as she said “No way sis, I love ya but get your own. This is my CeCe!”

We got our license and posed outside the door as June used her cell phone to take pictures. A gentlemen tried to enter the office and we convinced him to take pictures of all three of us together. It was a happy moment in a very happy day.

Mark had to go take care of a few things he said and put in for his vacation time so he dropped us off. Lisa was there. She checked my vitals and she went over my lab results. Everything was normal. I told her about our engagement and she was excited for us plus she had her own news as she pulled out her ultrasound pictures, they were having a boy. We all gushed over them naturally.

After she left I asked June to take me shopping I needed a few things. She agreed and once in the car she inquired as to what type of stores I needed.

“I need a wedding dress.” I said simply. She said ok and asked if we could stop at her house on the way. Once we were there she told me to come with her. We entered her bedroom and hanging on the outside of her closet was her wedding dress. 

“Are you serious?” The dress was so elegant with its V-neck and satin bodice overlayed with pearls. It tapered to the waist and the skirt was full to the floor with the train attached to the back that wasn’t too long.

“It’s yours if you want it, but I understand if you want to pick your own.” I clasped both her hands in mine and said “no, it’s perfect, now help me try it on.”

The dress fit like it was made for me. We dropped it off at the cleaners with the threat it had to be ready or else Thursday morning. They assured us it would be and June asked me what was next. I said one word. “Lingerie.”

I picked out a simple pale blue gown with matching robe, and new underwear. Turning to me June said what else and I said shoes. She nodded pointed at the single negligée and said “you just want one?” I replied “Mark says I won’t need any.” To which outspoken June said “Oh Lord have mercy you guys do need a chaperone!”

We giggled our way out of the store and she reminded me I was going on a honeymoon I needed new clothes for a few dinners out and casual summer ware. I agreed and we went full on shopping.

We got back to our parents and Jed and the kids as well as Mark were on the porch. We climbed out and started unloading packages to which Jed yelled “woman of mine please tell me you didn’t buy all that.”

June stuck her tongue out at him and replied “of course not tight wad you never take me anywhere.” The guys helped carry the packages up to my room. Mark sat down on my bed picked up the box with my new negligée and asked “what’s in here?” I snatched it away and said “oh it’s for you alright, but not for tonight.”

He said “I can hardly stand the wait” as he placed his hands around my waist. I looked down into his face and leaned down and kissed him, he returned my kiss and I leaned in to him. June took one of his arms and Jed grabbed the other one and pulled us both upright and off the bed.

“No you don’t, well not yet anyway!” June wagged her finger at us. We all went downstairs laughing. Jed and Mark left to run another errand and I went into the study room, June followed. On the desk was a box with a card with my name on it. I opened the envelope and June read over my shoulder. 

It said “for the love of my life. Mark.” I opened the box and a CD of CeCe Winans Believe For It was atop a Bible just like the one he carried out to pray, but this one had my soon to be name engraved on it. I ran my hand over the smooth leather and traced the letters that read—Bobbi Daniels Addison—with my fingers.

“He is so thoughtful!” June exclaimed. I agreed that indeed he was and June quipped “wanna trade?” We laughed so hard then went into my room and put the new things away. 

“June I have so much to learn about God, stuff I didn’t pay any attention to before. How do I catch up?”

She crooked her finger at me and went back to the study and sat down at my laptop. She located the site she was looking for and clicked on lesson one. The screen filled with Marks face and she paused it before explaining. “He has a lesson every week, a Bible study lesson. I listen every week and over here are his services you can watch them all, I do.”

I hugged her. This was absolutely perfect. The guys returned and it was getting late, I had called Mark and he said they would grab a burger so we ate dinner without them. I went upstairs and took my shower and got ready for bed. I had just drifted off to sleep when I heard the truck pull in and the doors opening and closing. Junes voice carried as they said their goodbyes and drove away. I heard the tap on my door as I said “come in” and heard my mom say she’s awake and opened the door letting Mark in. He left the door open and crossed the room and knelt beside the bed.

He leaned over and kissed me. I ran my fingers through his hair as he said goodnight. I didn’t want to let him go but the sooner I went to sleep the sooner this day would be over bringing our wedding one day closer. Then I remembered I forgot to thank him for the Bible and the CD.

When the alarm clock went off I slapped it and turned back over. I was still sleepy then I remembered. I was late then so I scurried to the study and got my new Bible and jumped in my boots, I was out the door before I realized I’d forgotten my robe.

I opened the Bible to read and it was just too dark yet. There was a motion light at the chicken coop so I hurried over there. The rooster started crowing and every time the light went off I’d flap my arm to make it come back on. I explained myself to the Lord, apologized for the noisy rooster. I opened the Bible again and read aloud, flapping my arms and swatting at bugs every minute or so, I read the first two chapters before I realized the sun had come up and I was still routinely flapping my arm for no reason.

I turned around and saw Mark parked at the end of our driveway. He was standing in front of his truck, his legs crossed leaning back with his elbows on the hood watching me. I scurried for the back door and ran upstairs. I was ready for the day when I came downstairs again.  He was on the porch a cup of coffee in hand waiting for me.

He put his arm around me kissed me and said good morning. I thanked him for the Bible, especially the engraving, and the CD.

“I know I looked crazy, but the light wouldn’t stay on without motion and when the light came on the bugs went berserk, and that stupid rooster!” I rolled my eyes for effect.

“No you looked beautiful to me, bound and determined to do your devotional time. I was bursting with pride baby.” I was relieved he felt that way and suggested “maybe I need a flashlight.”

He put his finger under my chin and said “you won’t need it once we get home, to our place.” I hadn’t thought about where we would live and my eyes widened. He kissed me on the nose and went for more coffee.

He left shortly saying he had some errands and didn’t ask me to go so I went to the study and brought up lesson one.

Marks voice began explaining the lesson plan. He started with scripture reading and began. I opened my Bible and as instructed found John chapter twenty verses twenty six through thirty one and highlighted the scripture reading, following along.

“And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God. Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.”…

I listened as he, my darling man, brought me to an awareness of faith. I had seen the truth of God’s love for me. I had finally seen Jesus and I had felt an immediate love for Him that makes any problems in this life and any pain it may bring bearable because He is the promise. Extended to me by the words “I believe in you” I had received His promise that He would always love me, even when I felt weak or made mistakes the only one who could take God’s love from me was me. I wasn’t present when Jesus died on that cross for me and when he rose again or when He performed the miracles they, the Apostles, saw yet I believe in every bit of it. It was so tender and so precious and my heart was so full. I cried and I laughed and I was over joyed with the hope that loving Jesus brought me.

I put the CD in and let CeCe Winans set the stage for my first encounter of worshipping my God. As the words of Believe for it filled the room I committed that I would do just that. Not only had God given me His promise, He had given me the love of my amazing Mark and the song from CeCe to go with it.

8th chapter

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Eight

Mark didn’t finish his errands until late again and oddly Jed was missing as well. June and I knew they were up to something, we just didn’t know what. After coming to kiss me good morning he disappeared again. I spent all of yesterday devouring lessons Mark had posted. Surprising myself this morning by having a much more fluid conversation with the Lord. The sun was up and Mark was parked at the end of the road for quite some time waiting. I talked to God about everything I’d learned and as I read scripture I saw things I’d never understood before as a kid or as a teenager. I read where Jesus wept. I thought about that, I’d always heard it was the shortest verse in the Bible, but now for me, I saw it in a whole new light. His friend had died and He wept, but He called him back out of the grave with others saying no, by then he stinketh. 

My mind could picture it. Emmanuel, God in the flesh! Having come from heaven He knew the peace and the joy that was there, because He…Jesus, is that peace and joy and there He was having to call Lazarus back to live out the rest of his days and subsequently die again. It couldn’t have been easy I thought. The fear of death is horrible once…but twice? I shuddered. That for me is why Jesus wept.

June and the kids had arrived and she waited for me while the kids ran for the comfort of Grandma’s cooking.“ “What’s up buttercup?” she asked.

“Do you know what Mark and Jed are up to?” I turned and looked at her but if she knew there was not a trace of evasiveness. “Not a clue! I was gonna ask you!” She said as she pulled open the back door. Mom overheard and wanted to know what June was going ask me and we told her. The guilty look on mom’s face said she did. Her two daughters looked at each other. June stepped in front of her blocking her escape and I was behind her, we folded our arms and waited. Mom informed us “you girls go on now my lips are sealed” as she pursed her lips then proceeded to lock them with an imaginary key then tossed it over her shoulder. We continued to stand there staring at her.

“Doug! Doug! Get in here daddy these girls are trying to make me tell!” She yelled like we were killing her. So dad knew as well. Progress we thought.

He came around the corner looking alarmed, he knew she would fold with both of us questioning her. Daddy was quick to act. He pushed past June, held her back with an arm across her waist then extended his hand to mom who grabbed it like a lifeline and he pulled her toward him. She thanked him profusely for saving her and daddy being daddy got her mind off her two girls real quick. He turned, winked at us and patting mom on the back said “that’s okay honey, they shouldn’t do you that way. We all know you’re a blabber mouth.” Mom was speechless for about thirty seconds. Her hand shot to her hip and “Doug Daniels!” came out with full indignation. “It’s okay momma we all love you anyway” dad informed her placing a glancing kiss on her temple as he headed back to the grandkids at the dining room table. June and I were now holding each other up our hand clamped over our mouths hoping to stifle the rising hysteria. Mom threw her hands up in the air when she saw us conveying her exasperation and we ran out onto the porch and laughed till our sides hurt.

By the time we could talk again Mark’s truck was coming up the drive with a passenger we assumed was Jed. “Well looky here, both of them rascal’s. Let’s find out what’s up now.” June said nodding her head. “How? They aren’t gonna tell us if they’ve got mom to keep their secret, why she’d spank both of them!” I replied with sarcasm. June straightened to full height, one inch taller than I, placed her hand on her hip and said. “Watch and learn baby sister, watch and learn.” Placing her hand on her hip she walked with determination toward her husband.

June wrapped her arms around Jed’s neck and kissed him…hard. Jed staggered back against the truck and enfolded June in his embrace. Mark turned and looked at me, not used to seeing them make out in public. Mark cleared his throat and Jed came out of the trance June was inducing. He put both hands on her waist and straightened away from the truck regaining his balance. Jed threw up both arms and declared “I told you!” At Mark’s attempt to maintain ignorance Jed whirled around pointed an accusatory finger and wagged it in Mark’s direction. “I told you not to come over here till we were done, but would you listen? No! No sir! You gave me that love sick puppy face!” Mark once again feigned innocence as Jed continued. 

“Yes you did!” Jed accused. “Now look at us, all the sneaking around we been doing…for nothing I tell you if we don’t get outta here. You are out of your depth here with this” he pointed at June and then back to me. “So it’s my responsibility as the best man to rescue you” Jed walked around to Mark and shoved his shoulder saying “go on, get over there, kiss her already.”

Mark turned and walked over to me bent down and kissed me on the nose. I smiled up at him and he enfolded me in his arms and bent his head bringing his lips to mine. He was delicious, he really was! I thought.

Jed grabbed his arm and pulled. “Okay times up, no more kissy kissy. We have things to do.” Mark looked at me with regret and said “I love you Bobbi.” Before I could say anything Jed said “yeah she loves you too man, just get in the truck!” With that they drove away. I looked at June, she shrugged her shoulders and informed me “I don’t know what they are doing but whatever it is…it’s big!”

I passed the rest of the afternoon in the study room watching Marks lesson’s. When we were about to put dinner on the table Mark and Jed returned. Mom and June explained the time frame they had worked out for the family reception and Mark looked at dad who had helped them with suggestions and dad nodded his head yes. I looked at Mark questioningly. He pushed his plate away and turned to face me. He lifted his hand and tucked my hair behind my ear catching my ear lobe briefly between his thumb and forefinger.

“We are getting married at five, the ceremony should be about half an hour. We will have our little family reception, but by seven you need to be in comfortable clothes and ready to leave. It’s a two hour drive to where we are going and I want you to be comfortable so we don’t have to make too many stops” Mark said. “Why? What’s the hurry?” I asked innocently, wondering if they would give our room away if we hadn’t checked in by nine. I saw my mother and my daddy blush and look down at their plates, June was smiling at me and Jed was fighting to keep from laughing. The confusion on my face fell away as I looked at Mark. He dropped his chin down and brought his smoldering gaze to mine then dropped his eyes to my mouth. “Oh,” I mouthed realizing the hurry was all Mark. Jed pushed away from the table and left the room laughing.

The crimson color still stained my cheeks as Mark took my hand and guided me to the porch. He stepped down two steps turned around and we were on eye level as he drug me into his arms.

“This is going to be the longest night of my life” Mark said as he kissed me. He drew back and placed his hands on either side of my face. “I won’t see you in the morning since it’s our wedding day. I don’t believe in luck, I believe in God, but it’s a custom so I’ll honor it. Just know at the same time you are doing your devotional, I’ll be doing mine and it will be the last time we do it apart, God willing, for the rest of our lives.” For a fleeting moment a question entered my mind before Mark continued.

“We are a united front, remember?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly and I nodded yes. “Let’s pray for a long and happy marriage and the blessing of God on our lives.” I didn’t let my gaze falter as I looked him in the eye and said “yes.” With that he kissed me again and reluctantly climbed in his truck and drove slowly away.

I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I knew it was going to be a busy day tomorrow but the anticipation kept me awake. I turned over finally and saw my negligée hanging on the hook outside my closet door. The light coming through the window was just enough to illuminate it. The ceremony was definitely going to be lovely, but I was so looking forward to wearing that negligee.

Mark called me just before my alarm clock went off. I was already awake. His voice was deep as he said “I love you Bobbi Daniels and I can’t wait to marry you!”

The sound of his voice thrilled me as I breathed “Oh Mark I love you so much! I’ll meet you at the alter at five sharp. Now let’s go pray.” He hung up and I hurried outside. Just as we agreed to I asked the Lord for a long and happy marriage.

The house was alive with activity. Mom cooked and Marks mother was cooking. June brought three dresses so I could pick one for her to wear. June, mom and Darlene met at the church at noon to decorate and set the tables. Considering it was a small family wedding I was a little nervous at how long it took them. When they returned everyone went their separate directions to get ready. My bags were packed and in June’s car. I was ready! They had a Sunday school room prepared and my dress was already there. Dad had picked up the cake. It was almost time.

I was in the dress and a photographer Mark knew was taking pictures when mom carried in my bouquet. It was absolutely beautiful. Baby’s breath surrounded yellow roses, my favorite flower. I breathed in the sweet scent. Dad knocked on the door and said it’s time. He took my arm and led me to the double doors. The wedding march began. J.J. and Julie opened the doors flawlessly. Dad patted my hand and kissed my cheek then whispered that he loved me. I told him I loved him too as my eyes locked on Mark.

Dad ushered me down the isle and my gaze never left Mark. He was devastatingly handsome. So tall and so utterly masculine and commanding standing there. As we drew near his eyes were filled with tears, but joy lit his face as he smiled. Dad placed my hand in his and in true Mark fashion he turned it over lifted it to his lips and kissed my palm before tucking it inside his arm. As Pastor Bryan fought back tears we said our vows and exchanged rings. When Mark took me in his arms and kissed me I cried. I was no longer the girl that had been blind and couldn’t see the gifts God had prepared for her. I was the woman, now the wife of the man God had used to help her see and the man that was His servant. I breathed “thank you Jesus” against his lips and Mark’s arms tightened as he said “Amen”.

We celebrated with our families and Jed toasted us with moms sweet tea. We cut the cake and Mark said he couldn’t dance, he had only had but one person he ever dreamed of dancing with, and now he could.so he had a song that spoke his feelings completely and then our song he said would play.

Mark took me in his arms as of course, CeCe sang Goodness Of God. We swayed against each other, we were one and the song was perfect. Then when Believe For It began Mark gathered me in his arms. With no pretense of dancing he placed his hand behind my head, his arm held me tightly to him and kissed me with every ounce of passion he could do in a public place. When the song, our song, finished he eased his grip slightly bent me back over his arm and I could see the unveiled desire in his eyes and his face. My pulse was about to reach a crescendo. His gaze followed the curve of my neck to where my pulse beat erratically and placed his lips against it. I had to clench my teeth to hold the groan in. I whispered his name and he lifted his head, his eyes smoldering, “it’s time to go” I pleaded. A faint smile hovered on his lips. He knew exactly what I meant. As I dressed to leave I wondered who’s idea a two hour drive was anyway, why in two hours we could have…I stopped the thought. My pilot was past lit and I knew Mark’s was, I did not look forward to a two hour drive. 

We said our goodbyes and ran for the truck, to my surprise a limousine complete with driver stood waiting. We got in the back and Mark took me in his arms. The next two hours were spent in each other’s arms. When we finally arrived he exited the limo and checked us in. Mark spoke with the driver who made a few turns and stopped in front of a beautiful cabin. As Mark helped me out I looked around and could see lights in the distance but we would be alone here. The driver removed our bags quickly having taken the key from Mark he deposited them inside. He tipped the driver then Mark scooped me up and carried me inside. He sat me on my feet and I looked around the cabin. It was a one room cabin but it wasn’t small and cramped. There was a small kitchen, a dining area and sitting area complete with a sofa. Then I saw the bed. 

I turned and looked at Mark. Still holding my hand he walked over to the bed and sat down. I stood in front of him, he placed his hands around my waist and pressed his face against my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair and he laid back on the bed drawing me with him.

I traced the lines of his face with my finger tips until he captured them in his hands and kissed them. He watched me as I breathed “I love you.”

“I’ve dreamed about this night for so many years! Now your in my arms I don’t have to control my thoughts, or my hands” he said as those hands caressed my back. “I want to be as gentle with you as I possibly can so please tell me, I don’t want to rush you, but I want you Bobbi and I’m so glad the wait is over.”

Several hours later I listened to him breathe and looked at the unopened box, the negligee still inside. Mark had been right I didn’t need the robe or what was under it, but I certainly needed this man. I snuggled into the length of him and rubbed my hand across his chest, his heartbeat beneath my cheek. I was going to love being this man’s wife. 

There was something so beautiful to be discovered in the waiting. Waiting to give yourself completely to the love you’ve waited for. God established everything for our good. It’s not something that was easy. I can certainly see that now. Knowing that this man loved God enough to deny his flesh which ached for the natural release it begged for was a quality I’d never met before. Most these days took it lightly, but it was astounding the joy such an honor brings to you. This man could of had any woman he wanted instead he honored God, stood resolutely on God’s word until God brought me to my senses and I could be the woman God called me to be.

I finally saw the whole picture. In following God’s moral law I had been granted an intimacy with Mark neither one of us could of had if we’d had sex with other people. We discovered the beauty of coming together, becoming one with one another in a pure state. That shows us how if we maintain God’s design and follow His will we come into grater purity with Him.

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Nine

Mark stirred beside me. My eyes fluttered open. His eyes were tender as he stared at me then whispered “good morning Mrs. Addison”. I said “good morning”. His hand brushed my hair back and he traced the outline of my ear with his finger then down my neck his gaze following it to the sheet covering me and lingered. When he lifted his eyes to mine there was no denying how he felt or what he wanted. I knew that look on his face would be branded on my memory as I lifted the sheet and drew my husband closer.

When the alarm on Mark’s phone went off he reached across me and pulled his robe over me. He had gotten up during the night and got in his suit case and retrieved the robe and his Bible while I slept. Then helped me ease my arms into it. It swallowed me as he came around the bed pulling on his pants and a tee shirt. He bent down and scooped me up in his arms. Pausing briefly he said “grab the Bible baby” then stood up and carried me through the patio doors.

He sat down in a chair on the patio, with me still in his arms. It was just before sunrise and the scent of honeysuckle filled the air. There was faint light from the cabin. Mark took the Bible in his hands and opened it. I saw the book markers he had in place and he began our first devotional as husband and wife.

“Father as your humble servants we come to honor you, to praise you and to thank you for your loving kindness. We come in unity as one”. Mark pointed to the first scripture he had highlighted in Genesis chapter two and verse twenty-four and I read:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Then Mark continued.

“Thank you for this blessing Lord,” Mark turned to the next scripture and continued reading, Ephesians chapter five verses twenty-five through twenty-nine as I followed the highlighted scripture.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church…”

Mark wrapped his arm tighter as he prayed “Lord help me to always cherish Bobbi, help me guard my tongue and never be harsh with her. Her love is to always be a precious gift to me. Let my love for her and my devotion to her bring you honor.”

He flipped the pages to the last marker and said “I copied the scripture from the Amplified Bible here, I like the translation, what’s in parenthesis is the explanation of the way it’s translated, he added. “you read it.”

I read the heading of first Peter chapter three verses one through six.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, When they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation-love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God]. Your adornment must not be merely external-with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; But let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham [following him and having regard for him as head of their house], calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear [that is, being respectful toward your husband but not giving in to intimidation, nor allowing yourself to be led into sin, nor to be harmed]. …”

“Please Lord let us live according to your word bringing clear understanding as you teach us how to live our daily lives. As we do in all things we ask this in Jesus name.” Mark finished and I said “Amen”. 

We both then prayed silently until the sun came up. My stomach rumbled.

“You hungry baby?” He asked. I turned around and smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck and answered. “I’m starving bay-bee, I didn’t eat much yesterday, I was too anxious to eat, then at the reception what I wanted wouldn’t fit on a plate. What I wanted was delicious though,” I captured his ear lobe with my teeth briefly “and six foot six.” I finished, my lips trailing kisses down his neck.

With that Mark groaned and picked me up and strode back inside telling me “if you keep that up you won’t eat for a very long time,” He deposited me on the bed and instructed me to wait there. He hurried from the bed and I watched him retrieve a prepared tray from the refrigerator, push the button on the coffee maker and pour a large glass of orange juice. He carried everything to the table turned and opened my suitcase. He saw the box of medicine and dispensed them onto a plate then turned to me and smiled. He was truly amazing. Our first breakfast as a married couple started with the blessing and fresh strawberries, grapes, cantaloupe and to my delight watermelon. We shared the glass of orange juice and drank our coffee.

It was mid afternoon before either one of us thought about food again. Mark checked his messages and said he would be right back as he pulled his clothes back on. “Where are you going?” I asked, raising up onto one elbow. “The rental car I ordered has arrived.” He responded and not for the first time my amazement was written on my face. He literally thought of everything.

When he came back he asked me what I’d like to eat for dinner and we poured over the local cuisine within driving distance. I wasn’t ready to be around other people just yet, I was enjoying the intimacy with my new husband and suggested as I walked over to him running my hands under his shirt and caressing the expanse of his chest “let’s get pizza delivered”. Mark pushed the robe off my shoulders and I let it fall. As he eyes devoured me as he said “how about a shower”. As soon as I said “Oh yes.” He carried me into the bathroom.

We spent the next week discovering the beauty of Gods creation around us in this marvelous place as well as each other. Mark brought a camera and we photographed everything. Memories were made and all too soon the week was over. It was time to go home. We packed the car and headed out. I turned around for one last look.

“What are you thinking?” He asked. “I just wanted one last look…” my voice trailed off and I felt fear creep up the back of my neck. Mark pulled over and took both my hands. “We pray and we believe God will answer our prayers. We live each day united in our faith in God, you know what believe means, it means we trust Him. This isn’t the last time we will see this place, I promise to bring you back here as often as I can for as long as God let’s me,” he assured me. I smiled and looked into his eyes through the tears that pooled in them. He took his thumbs as he cupped my face and brushed them across my lids wiping away the tears then kissed me ever so tenderly. I was going to do my best I told the Lord, as he sat the car in motion, but the sense of fear grew as we made our way home.

We were close to being home and we called his family and mine to let them know we were almost home and happier than we had ever known we could be. Mark pulled into our driveway as June and Jed were pulling out. June jumped out of their truck, threw open my door and embraced me. Her eyes searched my face. She was assuring herself that her baby sister was indeed okay. I smiled at her trying to relieve her concern and asked what they were doing.

“We moved your things here, dinner is in the crockpot and dessert is on the counter. We stocked the fridge and the pantry with enough to hold you over for a few days.” She grinned then warned “I’m just saying enjoy it while you can cause I’m not gonna be able to hold off our parents too long, you know how they are.”

The guys had their own language and June and I stared into each other’s eyes grinning as we listened.

Jed extended his hand to Mark as they greeted each other. Jed asked “Well?”

To which Mark replied “Oh yeah!”, Jed responded with “Finally man, finally!” Marks “No lie!” brought a snicker out of June. She whispered “it’s total Bro code, let me translate. ‘So Mark you finally had sex, Mark said and then some’. You’ll learn to understand it too, it just takes time but in the mean time it’s hilarious and once you learn it you know what their saying to each other real easy.” We laughed our heads close together. Jed asked what we were whispering about and June winked at me. She stood up and said in one long sentence…”Oh I asked Bobbi ‘Well?” Meaning did you finally have sex? She said “Oh yeah!”meaning she had sex and then some”!

Jed said “Okay smarty pants time to go.” as he headed to the truck. Mark was blushing and I smiled. My sister was hilarious. Jed called to Mark and said “Never a dull moment with this one here!” Inclining his head toward me looking at Mark smiling he said “Good luck dude”!

We continued up the drive, my breath caught as I surveyed the changes I could see. The fences were complete and so was the barn. So that’s what they had been up to! I turned to Mark my eyes wide, my shock evident as we walked onto the porch.

“I wanted it as complete as I could do it. I didn’t want to take away from our time together so I cashed in a few of my investments and hired a crew. Jed and our father’s oversaw the work while we were gone and now we see it finished for the first time together.” With that explanation he picked me up and carried me over the threshold saying “Welcome home baby.”

What had been the office was now the master bedroom, complete with a private bathroom and walk in closet. The large bay window was intact with the addition of a small padded drawer you could pull out and it became a place to kneel. Mark said the window faced the east and in the winter we could do our devotional there every morning. The bed was enormous and the polished wood gleamed.

“The bed got delivered yesterday and June picked out the linens in here and in the bathroom.” At my raised eyebrows he informed me he had left her his credit card. Everything was beautiful then I noticed a door we hadn’t opened. Mark followed as I pointed at it. Opening the door he explained.

“I had one end of the porch closed in” I was surprised to see his desk and his bookshelves lined the walls. There was only one window and the recliner and lamp stand, from the study room he sat up at my parents, were next to the window.

“You keep amazing me” I said. “If there’s anything you want to change we will do it. This is your home now too. Everything that I am and have belongs to you. I just have one request” he said pointing to the recliner “I want to keep that recliner in memory of the hottest make out session in history taking place in it.” His smile was adorable as the memory of that night replayed in his head.

I placed both hands on his chest and pushed him back through the door promising him “not as hot as the one your about to have.” He chuckled and said “Oh yeah?”

We spent the next forty-eight hours exploring the intricacies of each other and talked for hours at a time content to be with the one we loved. Finally we were out of food. Mark said we should go shopping and I told him I needed to contribute. He then took me into his study and pulled open his filing drawer and drew out a fireproof safe and carried it along with his laptop to the booth in the kitchen. He had his financial portfolio inside. I supplied him with information as he added me to everything. Our marriage license had arrived in the mail and he explained all of his investments and handed me the statement to see. Mark had made a point of researching every investment making certain that the companies he had invested in were in line with his biblical beliefs. When he handed me his net worth I was speechless. My frugal, God fearing husband was financially secure. He could live the rest of his life on the interest alone.

“Everything your looking at was done as an act of faith with you in mind, always!” I was going to be prepared to take care of you when God answered my prayer.” The evidence of what he was saying was in my hands and I asked. “What if I hadn’t met with you and agreed to study with you? What if I’d been too afraid or too stubborn?” “Then I’d still be waiting.” He said it with complete certainty. “Bobbi I love you, you are the only woman I will ever love and the only one that will ever share my bed. You and I are for life baby.” He said that with total sincerity.

I told him I had investments and policies I needed to change as well but I would have to go to my financial advisers office. Before I returned home I’d set in motion  the legalities that would need to be attended to when I died.

We stopped and visited with our respective parents then went shopping. We bought dishes for our kitchen and curtains for the big bay window. Then groceries. It was a remarkable day. I was unpacking the glasses, admiring them as I placed them in the dishwasher, and Mark was breaking down the boxes when the flashing lights started. I was frozen in place then I was falling. My last memory was of breaking glass

Suddenly

Chapter Ten

I could hear their voices long before I could manage to speak or move. My mother was talking softly “we need to call an ambulance and take her to a hospital.”

“Mrs. Daniels, your daughter just had her first seizure. She is in a postictal state, now normally this only last’s about thirty minutes. Given her diagnosis, it could be longer. It’s been a while since her last scans we don’t know how far the tumor has advanced. Her prognosis…” Mom cut her off stating they were all well aware of the prognosis then her voice rose insistently “it’s been too long! Three hours is too long!”

Lisa tried to reason with her stating “Mrs. Daniels Bobbi is under end of life care, there is a do not resuscitate order meaning she did not want heroic measures, because they are futile. The only person that can change that is her husband at this point.” When she finished mom began to sob.

I felt the bed move and then the warmth of Mark’s body. His lips were close to my ear and his hand held mine. He began to sing our song softly. Then he whispered “I love you Bobbi, please baby, wake up.” I squeezed his thumb. His indrawn breath indicated he felt it. I was in this dark place and I struggled against it, finally moving past it and managed to move my head. I turned my face into Mark’s neck. He released my hand and cradled my head. I opened my eyes blinking rapidly at first. Then I was able to focus on his eyes. The liquid brown pools you could get so lost in with their golden flecks.

He saw the question on my face after a few minutes. “You had a seizure baby.” He explained. I tried to nod my head but immediately nausea overcame the effort. I was going to vomit and I placed my hand over my mouth as I began gagging trying to stop it. 

Mark moved fast and grabbed the trash can beside the bed, scooted me to the edge and pulled my hair back. June held my cheek in her hands supporting my head as I retched helplessly. Once the episode passed Mark lifted me up and onto the bed. June sat down beside me as she took a wash cloth and bathed my face. She made me blow my nose, then brushed my hair back as I lay back down, Mark’s arm beneath my shoulder’s Her motherly care was soothing and loving. I captured her hand in mine and said “thank you”. Her composure crumbled and she burst into tears. I put my arms around her and she brought her head to my chest and sobbed. Now it was my turn to comfort her. My brave, spunky sister was scared.

When she was finally able to sit up she kissed my forehead and whispered “now you know I’m not so tough, but at least you know I love you so very much and I’m sorry for every mean trick I ever played on you.” She smiled through her tears. I smiled back and told her “I love you too June bug.” Jed came to help June up, his eyes puffy and his nose red. He winked at me and cradled June as they walked out of the room. Mom and dad were a wreck. They had obviously thought I was about to die and their composure was slow to return. This had been far worse on them than my fainting spell was.

After everyone left Mark told me he heard the glass breaking came out of the pantry and found me seizing. He called June because he didn’t know Lisa’s number and soon they all arrived. 

I was about to sit up when Mark told me to wait he was going to run me a bath, Lisa told him I would be sore from the seizure most likely and the warm water with salts would ease my muscles. I did as instructed and waited. Mark helped me up, and I acknowledged Lisa had been right, I was stiff and sore. I felt like I had run a marathon with weights strapped to my arms and legs. He stepped into the bathtub and helped me in. I leaned against his chest and soaked for a bit then Mark washed my hair and bathed me. 

I felt much better after soaking a bit then lifted a leg up out of the water and said “What no shave with that?” He smiled his boyish smile and said “Can I?” He actually wanted to shave my legs. I teased him “Only if you let me shave you in the morning!” He laughed and said “I thought you’d never ask.”

I was so very sore the next morning. Mark suggested we do our devotional inside but I said no, I needed to work the soreness out. We both avoided talking about the seizure for the next week. I had looked on the calendar and knew my six week check up was coming up. I’d tell him when I got all my appointments scheduled for the same day. I need to change my beneficiary and an email from my financial adviser informed me there were forms from the lawyer ready for my signature.

We spent the rest of our honeymoon uneventfully until the last night before Mark returned to work, we got all dressed up and went out to dinner. As we strolled back to the truck a young woman was sitting on a bench her small toddler beside her. The little girl had a mass of dark hair and her eyes were dark brown with the longest lashes. She looked up and I smiled at her. I stopped as she hopped off the bench and ran to me her arms outstretched. Her mother called her but I asked “May I?” The mother looked at me, glanced at Mark then nodded her head yes. I scooped her up and felt her stubby fingers entwine in my hair. She was so soft and smelled so good. 

She wrapped her arms around my neck and smiling I turned to Mark, his face was guarded and instantly I knew why. Fear gripped me, he knew I was going to die, he knew there would be no babies for us and he was trying to mask his regret. I sat her down and with one last stroke of her velvet hair I turned back to Mark and we went home.

He took me in his arms again for the last official night of our honeymoon. I awoke to the fear gripping me. There was utter panic as I remembered the darkness I’d fought against emerging from the seizure. Mark wasn’t beside me. I pulled on my robe having finally worn my negligee and peered into the study. It was empty and he wasn’t in the bathroom. I padded down the stairs barefoot. I couldn’t find Mark, I looked out the window below the study and saw him shirtless on his knees in the field. I opened the door and walked slowly toward him. He was on his knees sobbing. His body racked with a grief that was tangible. I froze as he raised his voice in prayer.

“Please Lord, I can’t bear it. I love her so much! Don’t let her leave me. Please Jesus hear me.” The agony in him was too much. I was the cause of that pain. He had already told me there would never be another woman in his bed. As his sobs filled the night air I turned and fled to the house. Guilt coursed through me. I had utterly ruined his life. Once he made up his mind he wouldn’t change it. All the pride I had felt at his declaration of love for only me came crashing down. How could I have been so selfish. It was too late, once we had joined our bodies his resolve would remain. Mark would die alone an old man with no children and it was because I had been so selfish. If I’d kept things platonic, not let my desire override my senses he would have shown me Jesus and once I died been free to love again.

 I was terrified. I stepped into our closet and shut the door. I began to cry and I called out to God as the panic overwhelmed me. Was there any forgiveness for what I’d done? It was obvious now, Mark didn’t have faith that I would live! Was it all to stop me from worrying so I could enjoy what time I had left? The thought surfaced and I tried to push it away…maybe Mark had been wrong, maybe God doesn’t really answer prayers? As I allowed myself to consider the possibility another thought whispered through my head. Maybe Mark believed in something that wasn’t real, he just thought it was. I swallowed hard. I had to stop those thoughts they were wrong! Inside me somehow I knew better.

“Lord help me, let a complete stranger tell me about their faith in Jesus. Let someone who doesn’t know me, doesn’t know about the tumor assure me you answer prayer. Please Lord, I beg you Lord, build my faith and end these tormenting thoughts. In Jesus name help me.” I heard the back door open and I scrambled out of the closet and climbed into bed. I kept still as Mark settled back beside me. His nearness calmed me. What’s done was done. He was my husband and if I could control these night terrors I could manage the fear for his sake. He didn’t have to know how scared I was. He deserved everything I could give him for as long as I could.

After our morning devotional ended and before Mark had to go to work he gave me that look I’d come to know so well. I returned his kiss and savored touching him again. After his shower he came down for a quick breakfast. As I looked at him over a cup of coffee I began to laugh. Mark looked at me wanting to know what was so funny. I couldn’t in good conscience let the Chaplain leave not knowing his bride had marked her territory without meaning to. 

I took him by the hand and took him upstairs into the bathroom. He was looking at me as I said I was sorry then pointed to the hickey on his neck that was darkening as we stood there. His mouth fell open as he gazed at his reflection. He turned his head and looked at me his mouth still open. I shrugged my shoulders and said as I exited the bathroom “I told you that you were delicious”! He swatted my backside lightly and I squealed. 

He rummaged through his drawers in the dresser until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a collar and placed it around his neck. It was standard issue for Chaplain’s he said he just never wore it.

It took two days for that bruise to reduce in size enough to be hidden completely by the collar on his shirt. The next time I became ravenous he pulled away slightly and said “Bobbi!” Reminding me to control myself. I nuzzled his neck and he was beyond caring soon and I whispered “I’ll be gentle” he pointed to the line where the chaplains collar came to and said “just keep it below the collar, I’ll just get used to wearing it.” Wear it he did for the next several weeks.

I told him June and I were going into town to meet with my financial officer and get my name officially changed to Addison.  He liked that and informed me he’d be home early. What I didn’t tell him was the fact I’d cancelled my check up with the doctor. I didn’t want to know the size of it. I couldn’t face it yet. I was just now coping with the fear that would come over me. I would play our song over and over and pray the fear away. 

The drive into the city was awful. The traffic was at a stand still several times due to accidents. There were no parking spots to be had and another accident had us stuck at the back side of the building I needed to be in. I was about to be late. June dropped me off and said “text me when you come out, I’ll swoop in and get you on the other side of the building.

I made my way toward the garage elevator. I’d have to go up into the main rear lobby, then ride those elevators to the office. When I left I’d have to ride four floors up from there to across the skybridge to meet June on the other side.

Once inside I was called to Allen’s office. He pulled out my file. He said he had the beneficiary forms ready and had me look them over, once satisfied that Mark was identified properly and indeed listed as my beneficiary I signed them. He then reminded me I’d requested documents to be executed upon my death. I sat there stunned, I’d forgotten about that.

“Alright then, let’s go over these shall we? Your assets have been liquidated and here’s the total amount at the bottom.” I looked down, shock registering on my face. “That’s a lot of money!” I gasped. “Indeed it is, but that’s what you’ve paid me for in the last five years.” He smiled obviously very proud of his work. “You gave me authorization to invest and trade on your behalf. That’s what I’ve done, quite lucratively as you can see. You were interested in forming your own company to freelance your technical writing so I kept that in mind. I’m sorry for the way things turned out.” He ended somberly. “Now I need your signature here to transfer the funds into your account’s”. I signed them and he presented another document from the attorney.

“This one” Allen said. “It’s your burial instructions.” Your expenses are itemized and the details regarding service’s are per your request’s. I just need your signature and permission to draft your account”. I picked up the pen then hesitated. I knew that if I had everything done, then just as I intended for my parent’s it would be easier on Mark. Then his words about faith and how to exercise your faith rang in my ears. I looked down at my wedding rings, rings he bought on faith believing God would answer his prayer. My next thought was scripture I’d memorized. Hebrews chapter eleven verse one…’Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen’…Mark chapter nine verse twenty-three and twenty-four…’Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief’.

 11th chapter

Short story

Suddenly

Chapter Eleven

I sat the pen down. Allen looked at me confused. I smiled at him and said “Thank you so much for all the work you’ve done. I just need one more thing. I need my husband to be added on my checking account and savings account and all new cards issued in my married name.” I handed him a copy of our marriage license.

He looked it over, made notes on his pad then gestured toward the document I still hadn’t signed.

I stood up, whispering “Okay Lord this is me stepping out in faith.” Then to Allen I said “I can’t sign those, I’m going to live by faith. I won’t leave this earth until God decides I will.” At his bewildered look I left the office.

I stepped out in the hallway with tears streaming down my face. Thoughts of how stupid I was being surrounded me…I should go back my mind screamed. I was only going to increase Mark’s agony in the long run. He knew I was going to die he just refused to face it.

My mind returned to the present and Lilly ended her prayer. I wiped at the tears as she released my hand. I’d stepped out in faith, then been besieged with fear and she had joined her faith with mine, a complete stranger, in an elevator. A ding announced we had arrived at the corridor to the skybridge, the doors slid open and I stepped out of the elevator then turned around to say thank you to her but she was gone. She had been behind me where did she go? I looked in both directions but didn’t see her so I made my way across the skybridge, texting June to come and get me. Once exiting the building I looked up at the glass bridge I’d just walked over and there standing in the window looking down at me a sweet smile on her face was Lilly. I waved to her and mouthed “thank you”. She waved back and placed her hand over her heart. June honked at me, I glanced down then straight back to where Lilly was and she was gone again. 

The hair on my arms stood up and I shivered as the memory of crying out to God shot through my mind. I’d prayed for Lilly…the complete stranger who told me about her faith in Jesus and she knew Jesus answer’s prayer. I knew in that moment Lilly was not human. God had answered my prayer with an angel. Jesus did answer prayer! I’d heard people say that angels were massive and not male or female, but now I knew that God can send whatever you need when you need it.

I was quiet for the ride home. I started dinner and waited for Mark. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about Lilly except Mark. I’d tell him what happened first, in complete honesty. We sat down and ate then i asked him to join me at the bay window. I told him everything. I started with hearing him pray and the fear that swept through me, the thoughts I’d been wrestling with and my prayer in the closet.

“Oh baby I wish you’d told me. I continued to walk in faith with you, when I prayed that night like I’ve done for many years I pour my heart out to God, that was me exercising scripture…Proverbs chapter fifteen verse twenty-nine, The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous….Matthew chapter seven verse seven and eight. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”

He took my hand and kissed my palm then held it against his heart. “The fear and the thoughts of doubt plus the guilt were from the enemy of your soul. Satan hates you because you have what he will never have; an intimate relationship with God. He won’t be forgiven you already have been.” I told Mark everything from my meeting with Allen to my encounter with Lilly. He encouraged me to believe God had sent his messenger to build my faith.

I put any and all thoughts of death away from me. I continued my Bible study and grew in my knowledge of scripture and my prayer life. I bought a computer and new programs and began my technical writing again. Mark and I grew closer with every passing day and our love deepened even more than we thought possible. It had been ten weeks since that first full seizure. I hadn’t told Mark how sick I’d been feeling in the last few days. The dizzy spells. Waves of nausea coming over me. I almost passed out in the shower so I knew I needed to tell him. June and I were going grocery shopping together and I resolved to tell him if I had another episode.

June went to check out the produce department while I strolled through the delicatessen, Mark loved the fresh croissants. Then I  decided to check out the meats. The butcher was loading the meat case and he dropped a package of liver. I tried to catch and naturally I missed and as the package landed it burst. It’s contents splattering me with blood. I dismissed his apologies as not necessary because accidents happen. I took two steps from him and passed out.

June heard the ambulance but didn’t think anything about it until she made her way where I had been shopping. They were mopping the floor and as she sidestepped the yellow cones saw my purse on the floor partially under the meat case. She became frantic questioning the employees about my purse and my whereabout’s. They told her a woman had passed out, then came to violently vomiting and promptly passed out again as the ambulance arrived. They insisted she describe me and at the mention of my hair color they told her where the ambulance people said they were taking me. She ran out of the store dialing Mark. 

I woke up to the wail of a siren and a bitter taste in my mouth. The siren turned off and the paramedic told me we were at the hospital. The doors flew open and the the stretcher I was laying on was pulled from the back of the ambulance. After a few horrendous bumps they wheeled me into the hallway of the emergency room. Soon I was ushered into a room and swept onto another bed.

They asked my name and I told them then asked where my purse was, they said I didn’t have one. I had a hard time remembering where I had been and they shined a bright light in my eyes. I asked them where Mark was and they didn’t know. It was all so confusing. I raised my hand to my forehead and the dull throb at my temple increased.

I’d been there for about forty-five minutes. They had drawn blood and finally Mark came through the door, concern etched on his face. I assured him I was fine. He looked at the bruise on my temple and took my hand and kissed the tips of my fingers as a nurse came in and asked him about my medical history. He walked over to her as she entered all my information on her computer. She informed him they were waiting on my lab reports before taking me to x-ray. June came into the room and Mark caught her up to speed on his conversation with the nurse. She came to the bed and took in the darkening bruise at my temple. I pulled at the oxygen tube they kept sticking in my nose. June put it back then held my other hand.

The doctor entered the room and introduced himself. Immediately launching into an explanation that he believed I had initially suffered a concussion from falling on a concrete floor when I passed out but that was before they knew about the fast growing tumor. He did his best to use terms Mark would understand.

“I still believe the short-term memory loss she is exhibiting, repeatedly asking us the same questions and not really remembering what happened prior to losing consciousness, is due to a concussion but we can’t be certain without imaging to determine the amount of growth of the tumor in these many months. I spoke with her Oncologist and she didn’t reschedule the appointment she missed so they could monitor it’s rate of growth. He requested that I speak with you and convince you to reschedule as soon as possible, naturally this conversation took place prior to getting her lab results. Her labs indicated the presence of hCG on the qualitative blood sampling so we did a quantitative sampling and determined the exact amount of hCG in her blood. Now given the fact the fetus is only…

“Excuse me? What did you just say” Mark interrupted him asking the doctor to repeat what he had just said.

“Mr. Addison, we’ve confirmed your wife is between three and four weeks pregnant.” The doctor confirmed his voice belayed a certain sadness to it as he delivered this news.

“Wait…wait!” Mark insisted. He turned away from the doctor turned and looked at me then glanced at June who returned his look with wide eyed shock. His face was jubilant before apologizing to the doctor asking him to continue. My mind grasped what the doctor said and I squeezed June’s hand in mine.

“Given her diagnosis it’s our recommendation that termination be done quickly. Her syncopal…fainting spell…can be due to the release of hormones that can, and most probably did, cause a drop in blood pressure meaning too little blood was pumped to her brain. Now whether this is the actual case or whether it’s accelerated growth of the of glioblastoma or a combination of both this can drastically reduce her quality of life in the time she has left.” He said gravely.

It was as if Mark didn’t hear a word the doctor said once he said ‘pregnant’. He turned back to me and he wanted to hug me so bad but afraid of hurting me he kissed me then rushed around to June took both her hands in his and ecstatically proclaimed “Thank you Jesus! We are going to have a baby! Your gonna be an Aunt!” he said to June loudly then unable to contain himself he gave June a massive bear hug.

The doctor cleared his throat and Mark turned his attention back to him,”I’m sorry doc I’m just so excited!” apologetically.

“Mr. Addison, sir, didn’t you understand what I was telling you?” The doctor said slowly to which Mark merely inclined his head his eyebrows raised. “Sir we are going to need a decision.”

Mark rocked forward onto the balls of his feet, shoved his hands in his pocket and leaning forward said…”Reverend, it’s Reverend Addison and doc we’ve just been given an answer from heaven! We by faith in Jesus Christ accept it with a full heart and a thankful spirit!” With that he reached out and shook the doctors hand then raised both of them in the air almost touching the ceiling as he sang our song from the top of his lungs. The doctor shifted his eyes to me. I joined my husband singing. June joined in and smiling hospital staff as they passed in the hallway did as well. There was a praise service being conducted in trauma room three. A few nurses popped in and sang with us briefly. A few offered a “Hallelujah” from the hallway.

Standing stock still the doctor stayed where he was then with a shake of his head in bewilderment left the room. We decided not to tell our parents just yet. Mark called the Oncologist’s office and made an appointment. They discharged me from the hospital with a diagnosis of mild concussion and Mark took me home.

We basked in the favor God had shown us, but we were anxious to get the tests done. Once we had proof of healing we could tell our parents. Mark refused to allow me to shower alone, saying he was afraid I might faint in the shower, I teased him continually about his motives. June and I spent our days with the kids and planning menus. Finally Mark and I established a nighttime devotional routine deciding that the early mornings would be our time spent with Jesus, but in the evening before darkness came we would come together as our children grew and pray and worship as a family.

Mark was helping me get dressed after the first MRI when the technician stuck his head in after a quick rap on the door. He told me they needed to get clearer images on a few of the scans and not to get dressed yet. Mark shielded my body with his own then said “Next time you come to this room you knock first then when you are told to do so you may enter”. His voice was firm and brooked no argument. The technician apologized and hurried away. Always the protective, loving husband. He helped me back onto the gurney then said “Let’s pray one more time.” We joined hands and bowed our heads.

Seated in the Oncologists office I took Marks hand and pulled it over to my lap. The Oncologist entered the room. The scans were complete and he sat down at his desk opened his mouth as he scanned the report’s in front of him then clamped his mouth shut compressing his lips tightly, shrugging his shoulders before looking up at us.

“Well I don’t know how to explain this to you, or to myself for that matter, but nevertheless I’m going to try. We completed your first round of imaging today to determine an estimation of mutation, generally speaking necrosis. The first round was significantly changed from the initial diagnostic imaging when you and I first met so we repeated it to rule out error or malfunction. Your first scan showed a GBM of greater than five with some edema when evaluated, it was determined you had an overall survival rate of fifty to sixty weeks. Todays first round of imaging was half the size of the first diagnosed GBM. Now this was analyzed by two neuroradiologists. Experts in their field. What astounded us even more, the second round of imaging done— just a scant hour apart and both neuroradiologists agree to the findings. The second round the GBM was again half the size of the first one…done on the same day!”

Mark and I looked at each other through the tears that streamed unchecked down our faces. The doctor continued, we listened, not taking our eyes off each other.

“We have never seen or heard of this happening before. We would like to routinely monitor you…err for documentation purposes. That would also keep you abreast of when the tumor begins to enlarge again or becomes operable, so we could possibly excise it.” He suggested.

Mark put his arm around me and drew me to my feet. He stuck his hand out to shake the doctors hand then wiped his face with the tissue I pulled from my purse.

“That won’t be necessary doc,” Mark said. “What you saw happen between the first MRI and the second was prayer. Prayer changes things. That’s what Jesus wanted us to see. We held hands and prayed together and He showed us that He is God and there is no other.  ‘Matthew chapter eighteen, verses nineteen and twenty:  ‘Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.’ So you see repeating the MRI will be fine once our baby is born when after a million prayers and praise breaks have been done there will be no tumor, but we’ll take a copy of every picture you’ve taken thank you.” Mark was grinning from ear to ear. 

We left the doctors office praising God for the life he had provided for us. Mark stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, knelt down kissed my stomach then kissed me deliciously!

The twins were born the first day of spring to the proudest daddy in the entire world. He didn’t wait for them to be cleaned up, he joined hands with me there in the delivery room and we dedicated Penny and Patty to the Lord.

I was waiting on them to bring the babies back in to me when June and Mark came bursting into the hospital room. June was flushed and Mark was excited as they both started talking at the same time. I held up both my hands. They stopped talking and looked at each other. Mark said “I’ll tell her” but June was insistent shoving him to the side she stomped her foot saying “not even Mark you get to tell all the good stuff,” Mark extended his arm palm up indicating be my guest, placed himself so he could watch our faces and crossed his arms.

.”So anyway, we were at the nursery window looking at the babies and this girl comes up behind us, she said aren’t you Mark? We turned around and he said yes then said she had met you and wasn’t it fantastic the way Jesus answered our prayers, we all agreed on that and how God was awesome then she says bye. Mark and me we look at the babies one more time and then head back here…the opposite way from where the girl went. She says loud, ‘I’ll be praying for y’all’ we turn around wave at her and continue on. She yells again and says ‘by the way the name is Lilly’. Well me and Mark we stopped dead in our tracks! We look at each other then turn around and there is nobody there. We hot foot it down the hall where she stood and it’s a dead end! Solid wall!” Junes cheeks were flushed, her eyes were wide.

I looked from June to Mark and he stood there shaking his head yes then said “Indeed we are living in a miracle. Suddenly you see Jesus and life may have its trials but He is always faithful!”

The End…or is it? With Christ there is no end…BEHOLD ALL THINGS ARE NEW!

Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it…Ann

Suddenly is a work of fiction.